Another day
So it's another day, woke up unusually late today, on the other hand i did stay up unusually late writing that last entry... DAMN YOU LJ!!! meh, oh well. So i wake up, check yahoo to see if anything is new, nothing new, to bad. I have friends who say how we should hang out, but i never fallow through with any of it. Is it because i'm shutting people out, or is it because i just truley like being alone. But everytime i am alone i feel like shit, like i want someone there. Like i want a girl to hug and kiss and talk to. Or when im alone i want people callin me seeing what im doing and seeing what's up, so i atleast know someone is thinking about me enough to call me or txt me to see how i'm doing.. I just feel so alone. And mybe it's really all because i train all the time and never make time for anyone. I dunno, whenever i do take a day off from training i feel so guilty like i'm not doing the best i can do to be the best, cuz the best always do everything possible to be number 1. This is the kinda shit that runs through my head that no one ever fuckiing hears about. "Ahh so you're the one that does that karate stuff, cool i know a few people that used to do that." Yah this is the kidna shit i hear where i'm just thinking, No bitch i don't that "karate stuff". I'm a mother fucking competitive fighter striving to be not just a average fighter who goes in the ring to say "hey i fought in a ring, so im a fighter? right?" No bitch! I'm fucking striving the be the best to prove to myself and maybe the whole fuckign world that i'm the fucking best. This is what people never see or hear from me, because unless i think they really care it's not really worth it cuz they just wont understand... But then when i get these crazy emotions like i like someone alot. Then everything goes crazy, my view on everything goes fuckign nuts. Next thing im thinking, maybe i could skip that day so i can possibly have a chance to chill with her. Or i think, 'if i didn't train so much all the time would i have a better chance with her?' and would i have more friends? The answer is usually always yes. But then they say your true friends are the ones that always stick by you no matter what. To bad most of my true friends are dudes and my ex g/f..
Well i just fnished eating my breakfast, if that's what u call it. I just sent a txt to this girl but she doesn't seem to be answering (not a surprise) again. I wonder if she caught on how weird i am? Or maybe she just simply has someoen else in mind... She does have like trillion friends to hang out with and possibly like, i guess i'm just little envious and jealous lol. God i'm so sad. Well if i dont get a answer i'm ganna get rdy to do a quick workout before work. I have to maintain my fitness for these next few months. I think im ganna do some kettle bells (not sure...) then jog maybe. Then my dad will come and maybe bring good food which i will eat, not the carb part though lol. Then i will go to work, and do what i gotta do from 4-10. Then come home and hopefully do something other then lay around depressed thinking way to much. Aight peace.
Well i just fnished eating my breakfast, if that's what u call it. I just sent a txt to this girl but she doesn't seem to be answering (not a surprise) again. I wonder if she caught on how weird i am? Or maybe she just simply has someoen else in mind... She does have like trillion friends to hang out with and possibly like, i guess i'm just little envious and jealous lol. God i'm so sad. Well if i dont get a answer i'm ganna get rdy to do a quick workout before work. I have to maintain my fitness for these next few months. I think im ganna do some kettle bells (not sure...) then jog maybe. Then my dad will come and maybe bring good food which i will eat, not the carb part though lol. Then i will go to work, and do what i gotta do from 4-10. Then come home and hopefully do something other then lay around depressed thinking way to much. Aight peace.