I'm Sorry
Title: I'm Sorry
Rating: T (Just to be safe)
Pairing: Tidus/Yuna
Warnings FFX end of game spoilers
Setting: Deck of the airship after Sin's defeat.
Summary: Final thoughts/actions
I watch as you dance. As you perform that beautiful sending that I had come to adore and loathe. Every time you sent the dead to the Farplane, I felt peaceful. Content. And mesmerized by your flowing motions. But now, knowing everything I know, feeling everything I feel, I loathe it. I'm always afraid that when you send the dead to their final resting place, that I'll join them. And now, here, at the end of all things; I know I must join them. In a form.
My ending is just a little more terrifying. The dead head to the Farplane once they are sent; but what of dreams? When the Fayth finally fall into their eternal slumber, where will I go? Will I become one of the Farplane dwellers as well? Or will I just...cease?
I can feel my jaw clenching and my hands fisting at my sides as you continue to dance. The aeons we had worked so hard to gather, breaking off into thousands of tiny souls to journey to their sanctuary of solitude. Some of them are happy and close their eyes in acceptance. While the others screech their discontent. I believe Valefor to be accepting. Yojimbo and Anima as well. But Bahamut, Ifrit, and the sisters...they are hesitant. Shiva and the horse, whom always gave me a weird look, don't seem to care either way. Even they know where they are going to rest.
And it makes me angrier because I realize that I'm being selfish; regardless of whether or not it's my story. I knew what would happen if we defeated Sin. I knew that it would be a sacrifice of my life in return for yours.
Sin breathes its relief as it too breaks off into its souls and scatters about Spira, enveloping the continent with the beautiful glow of pleased spirits.
Shuyin...he had been lucky enough to live life. And he had done the same thing. He had died for the love of a woman; for the love of his summoner.
'I guess we're one in the same, you and I.' At this, I feel the corners of my mouth tugging, attempting to at least smirk. Instead, I keep them pressed into a firm, thin line.
Rikku is jumping around, screaming her pleasure in Al Bhed. Some of it I can make out. Other parts of it seems to be just as foreign to me as the day I first met her. I never did collect all those dictionaries. And why that seems like such a big deal right now, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I realize all the things that I wanted to do but will never have the chance to experience.
Wakka sneaks a glance at Lulu. She's already staring at him with stern, but soft eyes. He blushes in turn. I want to snort. I should.
Kimahri is solemn, as always. Kimahri is just...Kimahri. The large Ronso is intimidating as hell but I've come to admire him. Always keeping an indifferent expression on his face, not matter the situation. That takes discipline.
I shake my head. No, that takes courage. And a huge amount of adoration for his young Summoner.
A few more turns of your wand, your final stage.
I glance down; I can see it. I'm shimmering. I feel like I'm standing out like a sore thumb. Worse than normal. And that's saying something.
I swallow, raising my hands and turning them over and over, attempting to understand my current state. Then I lower my arms. There is no understanding here. There is only acceptance. Acceptance of things you cannot change but must learn to stomach.
And that's when I see you. You've stopped dancing. And it makes me angry that I've missed you finish. You're so elegant when you dance. I can almost forget the world when you work. My eyes catch your eyes. Your two mismatched eyes. Your two captivating, devastating, life-changing eyes. They're wide with shock and denial. You've seen straight through me. Literally. And our eyes meet again.
At this point, all is quiet. No more screaming in Al-Bhed. No more joyous cries of delivered souls. Just silence.
...A heartbeat. It's not mine. I don't think I even have a heartbeat now. I used to think I did...but now I realize that it was just my will to have a heartbeat. My will to be what I never can be: alive.
"No." It's not a question. Or a statement. It's a command. You're telling me 'no'.
My eyes clench together in sheer agony. I want to listen. I've listened to you since the beginning. I've followed you. I've loved you. Why can't I still? I glance down. I'm still shimmering. I swallow.
"Yuna-" I begin, my chains rattling as I motion with my speech, a habit I had developed as a young child, "I have to go."
You shake your head. The light bounces off your brown hair, making you look more like the angel you already are.
Wakka gasps. Rikku whines. Lulu and Kimahri are silent. Apparently they've noticed.
It's awkward. How do you say goodbye? "Goodbye." 'Niiiiiice, Tidus. She deserves more than that.' I walk towards the edge of the ship.
Kimahri is screaming for Yuna. I hear rapid footsteps heading my direction. Her footsteps. I'd recognize them anywhere. I turn. She's running for me. One last chance to say goodbye. I open my arms. Come to me.
She lunges. And falls. Straight through me. And she hits the surface of the ship with a dull thud. She had gone straight through me and I hadn't felt a thing. I can't help her. I want to. Instead I bow my head, the tears coming freely now. You're a crybaby. 'Shut up, dad.'
There's rustling behind me. Silence.
"I love you."
I spin around, my eyes wide, mouth agape. You...you love me? I swallow again. This is the part where my own heart should be skipping beats with happiness. Instead, there is nothing. 'Love me less...would you? I can't stay...even though I want to.'
My fingers are aching to touch you. My tongue snaking out to wet my lips out of need to press them against yours. Instead, I place my arms around you and close my eyes. I imagine. I imagine feeling you. Touching you. Our lives together if I had been able to experience it with you. I can't even smell your skin anymore. It always smelled of the sea and lilies. Now I don't even know what smell is.
My time is ending. I take a deep breath and take a step through you. Deliberately. I hope that a part of me will stay inside your heart forever. I want to look back. I want to claim you and let all of Spira know that you're mine. Possessiveness flows through me freely now as I stalk towards the edge of the ship once again.
But I can't. You deserve the life that I can't give you. Or even promise you. But I hope you know that I belong to you. That I had the same day I laid eyes on you.
'Fly Yuna, fly. Live your life. And please-' I gather my courage and run towards the end of the deck. I let out a sigh of anticipation as I jump off the surface, flying into the cool air of the unknown, '-don't whistle. I can't come running this time. Or ever again.'
You are silent. Rikku is screaming, "We're gonna see you again! I know it!"
Tears sting at the back of my eyes again as I descend further into the realm of uncertainty. "I'm sorry, Yuna."
The wind whistles past my ears; my clothes cracking as I continue to free fall.
"I'm so sorry."
--
Final Fantasy X is sole property of Square Enix and Tetsuya Nomura. This lil ficlet is mine, however.
How did it go for ya? Really angsty, but I wanted to dive into Tidus' mind frame during the end of the game. Did I do him justice? Hope you all liked it. =)
-Nikki-
P.S. This hasn't been proof read so if there are errors, message me and let me know so I can fix them. Thankies!