The Creation Myth of Geeks- Revised
The successes of heroes like Heracles became Xena became well spread through the bard’s tales and scrolls. The world though becoming a safer place began to neglect the gods as mortals chose to worship these heroes and demi gods more than the immortals.
The king of the gods Zeus furrowed his aged head deep in thought. He was concerned at the decline in worship of the gods that through this Heroic age. He was pleased that his heroic offspring were thriving and winning favour on earth though as ruler of the heavens he could not let this continue. The other gods were also troubled but they too were reluctant to act as many had sired heroes or had chosen mortals as favourites. However Ox eyed Hera was angered at the decline in worship at her temples more so as this was due to the success of her husband’s children who represented the many infidelities he had with mortals.
“How dare these bastard offspring receive such praise worthy of an immortal! They undermine my power at every turn, no matter how I enforce my power it only glorifies them more. Take Heracles, I drive him mad, he kills his family yet the mortals love him for his suffering and labours. Enough I shall force Zeus to act and remind mortals that they should worship me not these whelps!”
Hera went to the father of gods and men to persuade him to act. She knew the best way to win the thunder god. Deck out in all her glory as she had done when she tried to distract him from the Trojans, she approached her husband. “O king of the gods does it not concern you that we are no longer worshipped by mortals, that are alters are bare of offerings. Instead mortals are raising temples to these demi-gods, these heroes instead. What is there to stop mortals from making their own heroes rather other than our chosen ones and placing on pedestal the untalented, the ungifted who are to be worshiped for wealth, looks and stupidity? Surely this is not right! As our king you must rectify this in-balance before they have no need for us gods. If you are unwilling to act then think of the other gods, they will not stand idle.”
The storm gather rose before his wife. “Do not think I have been idle dear wife nor that I believe your acting out of concern for all of the gods, I know of your hatred for my children. Don’t think I will let you have your way of destroying them and if you dare defy my authority you know I will not hesitate to throw you out of these halls. I have already sent forth Hermes and Iris to gather the gods together.”
Every god and goddess with any power flocked to the epic gilded halls of snow capped Olympus eager not to delay and incur the wrath of their ruler.
“Gods and goddesses I have called you all together to deal with the mortals misplace worship. I cannot allow for the heroes to take away our reverence yet it is not fully their fault that this has arisen.”
The hall began to fill with divine voices of agreement which continued to rise into a debate. Some gods questioned what they should do. They argued that they could not destroy all humanity with another flood as then they would not receive any sacrifices. Some blamed the power of the Muses for giving mortals the skills to tell stories and build up heroes into divine figures. Aphrodite reminded them of Ares warnings to her when her temple was ruined by the fans of the Warrior Princess. He explained it was the bard’s scrolls which spread the warrior’s deeds. The Muses tried to defend their role that they also allowed men to sing great tales of the gods. Other deities voiced their concerns that they could not stop the heroes as they were their favoured companions and only ones worthy of their gifts while others pressed that not all humanity had given up on the gods.
The lord of men and gods rose to his feet, raising his cloud gathering hand for silence. “No it is the mortals who have neglected us who need to be punished for their hubris and to serve a reminded to other mortals the need for piety. We will show them that it is us that they need to fear and honour to maintain our role as gods. You all remember the fate of the Titians!”
The gods murmured in agreement and together they formed a plan to create a new being to show mortals the dangers of hero worship and creating false idols. Ganymede entered the hall bearing a painted vessel and placed it into the centre of the hall. Zeus bid each god place a curse worthy of their power into the jar.
“I, Aphrodite will turn my back on those who do not give me honour. They will never know the affections of the one they love. Sexually frustrated and feeling awkward they withdraw to isolation.” The pleasurable goddess removed the attractiveness of the mortals to prevent acceptance within society. She gave them poor personal hygiene and removed any confidence around the opposite sex in order to hinder the chance they would reproduce further impious creatures. “I will inspire obsession only for their chosen idol realms”
Then black armoured Ares prepared for his attack. “They will be easy prey from now on. They will never be able to compete on any battlefield. Yet I adore conflict and will enjoy rousing these rival tribes into epic conflicts that will last for generations.” He removed any physical agility that Greeks marvelled at, making them defenceless and easily displaced from society.
Grey eyed Athena, who had many favourites among the mortals, rose from her seat and spoke. “I cannot let these mortals be totally defenceless as Ares wishes yet retribution is needed. I will bestow these mortals with the lowest form of wit as their only weapon which they will use against friends and foes alike. I will also give them good memories which will keep them occupied with their chosen obsession and the gift of wisdom but it will not be a gift without sacrifice. This will only serve to isolate them further as the pious will feel inferior to them and stay away.”
“They have made it clear they no longer desire to worship me so I will turn them away from my woodlands. I will make it unbearable for them to embrace nature. If they venture into my realm they will find themselves attacked by all plants and beasts who will strike them down will illness of sneezes and rashes. The only refuge they will find is inside the walls of their homes” The virgin goddess spoke.
The goddess of the crops rose to her slender sandaled feet. “I agree with Artemis, I will drive them from my fields also.” Demeter commanded. Thus this is how allergies of nerds came into being.
The youthful archer rose to his sister’s side. “As my loving sister has wished that these pitiful creatures should not mar her woodland with their pollution I will bear down on these mortals in my blazing glory forcing them indoors should they venture out. They will forever be feeble and pale as ivory. They will not feel the benefit of my healing arts only the shafts of my deadly arrows!” Thus the source of the of Nerds sickly appearance.
When the gods had settled down Zeus arose and closed the lid of the jar. ‘I will give this vessel to rosy fingered Dawn who on her journey tomorrow will release all what we have placed inside. The impious will be transformed into social outcasts forced to band together into small clans known from now and onwards as ‘Fandoms’. These outcastes will be Greeks but forever changed into lesser beings. These I will call ‘Geeks’!’
The gods returned to their bedchambers as Night made her journey across the heavens till Dawn took her placed. As Zeus ordered, Dawn carried with her the god’s vessel and as she rose she unclasped the stopper with her delicate fingers and released the gods’ curses. Each fell from the sky hunting out those who had neglected the alters, striking them down. One by one these mortals dropped to their knees. Distraught they cried out as their hair grew longer and matted. Their eyesight deteriorated and they began to wheeze with every breath. Some stood by and watched their companions, laughing at the degrading site only to find their voice becoming higher and their giggles replaced with pig like snorts.
The mortals were fearful and flocked to the alters to supplicant the gods to avoid the curse. Those who had falsely worshipped the heroes realised their error too late and tried to join in the supplication though found themselves struck down on the steps. Those who were saved shunned these Geeks from normal society. Looking down on them and making fun of their looks and odd behaviour.
However, the Geeks found an unexpected ally in the god Dionysus. The wild god wine and party of was returning from the East after an exceptionally long symposium took pity on the Geeks. He allowed them to come out of their isolation annually to gather together in secret rites that only fellow Geeks were allowed to attend. Here they could party and express their hero worship. Under the patronage of the son of Semele they became confident and lost the self consciousness which the gods had bestowed on mortals eons before to control and limit their development. The annual meetings allowed the stories and enthusiasm to be preserved and handed down from generation to generation. Though the numbers of Geeks were limited through the god’s intervention their dedication and quirkiness still continued to grow.