so umm yea
i feel sick, literally like my stomach is going to colapse into itself and i am going to die sick. so i am sitting here listening to old something corporate CD's just relaxing. I think this is the first time in my life where i havent had a depressing though running thru my mind, minus the sick feeling. so me and the madre had a chat today we discussed how i push people out of my life and my mother brought up all of my past relationships and even my relationships with my friends. and looking back there are like 4 people in my life that i havent pushed away, i have never had a physical relationship last because i am scared of commitment, not intamacy but the fact that this could be it, and i throw away all of my friends for the same reason i guess. of course in the chat on physical relationships my mom brought up the asked demanded not to be named here ex and said it was obvious that i still miss her and i am still in love with her. might that be because i compare every girl to her i talk about all the fun we had constently or the fact i still have her picture but of course this is about no one in particular. yeah. this is why i am leaving everything that hurts so much in life isnt even a mile away from my house, hell parts of it are where i live now. but there is no ex in cape coral no bad memories only a future and a chance to live my life the way i want it