(no subject)

[xdxhxcx]

So today i woke up arond 720 to go to my first class. I got dressed and everything else, but couldn't make myself go. I haven't been to class in quite some time, and i began to panic about it. I went upstairs to matts room where we contemplated the importance of class and school and wondered why we are so miserable here sometimes. Then i promptly fell asleep, missing every single class and my chem lab, which is of course, unexcusable. The sky that was blue this morning is now fading to grey, but I feel more free for some reason. class is over, theres nothing i can do. I failed my last chemistry test. Ive never failed a test in my life before. i didnt even get half the questions right. I have another test tomorrow, but i haven't been to class since the previous test. i am determined to ace this one. But why? why force myself to study miserably for hours? what am i trying to prove? and to who? am i worried that my parents will be upset? does this make me feel stupid? do i need to prove to myself that im not stupid? do i need to prove to everyone else that im not stupid? i dont know....
everyone is begining to get tan, but they say my face looks pale. being the italian/irish girl who inherited the gene for dark olive skin and a dark summer tan, this is a most unusual thing to me. matt says a cereal only diet is not sufficient nd that i should eat better. maybe hes right.

well enough with my sadness adn confusion. All in all, today isnt a bad day. im probably going home this weekend...ill see my family, my dog!, and my josh. it'll be a good time. maybe.

indescribable. what a great word to express my feelings!! i think this is my new permanent mood setting. honestly... when can you ever fully sum up your emotions into one word and a little bouncy guy? Id say never