everything sucks
yea so...yesterday morning kelly calls me hysterical crying that luke died. not just died...killed. hit by a train. yea. it hurts. i cant think about how hes gone. we were never really "friends" exactly. we talked more early in highschool. but still, i just spoke to him last week, and now... all day yesterday n today its all anyone is ever talking about. i feel like shit. i had to call out of work cause the wakes tomorrow night and then julie came home today and we talked n she told me she hates arcadia. suprise suprise. im so sick of talking about this death...i cant anymore. all any of my friends wants to talk about is it thou. last night i was getting really upset just thinking how it could very well have been one of my really close friends and how destroyed his close friends must be, i would be. i just started getting really upset and the one person who i know wouldnt have talked about it couldnt make time for me. nice. i had to fight my boss to get off tomorrow night. i hate this fucking town and everything about it. i feel like noone understands the way this hurts. all i keep thinking about is things me and luke talked about and hockey and everything... by noone i mean outside of the people my age. the one person i wanted to just go hangout with and do whatever with was too busy. getting high. isnt that lovely? some people just shouldnt say "friends" when they mean "ill talk to you when i decide you matter".
i got out of english early today and so i had to wait for claire so i did my journals. this kid who i guess had some sort of mental problem (seriously, im not being a bitch) kept starine at me n saying "whats up?" n i just smiled at him n said hi the first time, but it was getting really creepy. then his creepy friends came. then more people came n passed by. for an hour and a half people passed by me and as i looked at them all i just felt like i really really dont belong there. at all. i hate it there. brookdale to me is a bunch of losers. sorry to all who go there, but with the exception of a few people, all ive seen is a bunch of immature, stuck in high school, not gonna grow up, love to live off mommy n daddy kids. 21 year old kids. i dont belong or fit in there. i wish id applied to rutgers last year, i would be so much happier this year. i dont even know if ill get in this year, all i can do is pray i will. i dont know if i want to even go to brookdale next year, if i dont get into rutgers then i dont know what ill do, ill prob go to brookdale just cause ill have to try again. who knows...i just want to find a place that i fit in...
this one boy just makes my day. all day i hung out with him and all day hes made me smile. i do like him, and his face aint bad!
i got out of english early today and so i had to wait for claire so i did my journals. this kid who i guess had some sort of mental problem (seriously, im not being a bitch) kept starine at me n saying "whats up?" n i just smiled at him n said hi the first time, but it was getting really creepy. then his creepy friends came. then more people came n passed by. for an hour and a half people passed by me and as i looked at them all i just felt like i really really dont belong there. at all. i hate it there. brookdale to me is a bunch of losers. sorry to all who go there, but with the exception of a few people, all ive seen is a bunch of immature, stuck in high school, not gonna grow up, love to live off mommy n daddy kids. 21 year old kids. i dont belong or fit in there. i wish id applied to rutgers last year, i would be so much happier this year. i dont even know if ill get in this year, all i can do is pray i will. i dont know if i want to even go to brookdale next year, if i dont get into rutgers then i dont know what ill do, ill prob go to brookdale just cause ill have to try again. who knows...i just want to find a place that i fit in...
this one boy just makes my day. all day i hung out with him and all day hes made me smile. i do like him, and his face aint bad!