(no subject)
Woo. DEEP fucking breath. I haven't update in ages, and a lot has happened since my last
entry, I'm not really sure how to summarise it all.
WEll, after the last entry, I spent some time living in Bristol.
Things with James (Feather) fucked up,, as like all my other ex boyfriends he turned out to be a bit of a fuck up (paranoid schizophrenic kleptomaniac with a drug habit!). Not long after my last entry we went to Canterbury (where he's from, and where my best mate, ex Rob and a few other people I know live) for a week to stay with his family. The whole week he was a complete arsehole to me.. He spent the whole time ignoring me, stealing my money and drugs and flirting with other girls right in front of my face.. (He told Flo in front of me that he'd love to see her naked and fuck her). Canterbury was generally pretty good though. The first few days we were there, James stole his dad's girlfriend's car and drove me and Rob to Whitsable whilst fucked on k so unsurprisingly he got kicked out of home, and one night we ended up sleeping in a giant head outside a theatre. Midweek I went to London, picked up 25 grams of ketamine and came back and sold it. I was really shit though, I kept getting fucked and giving it away for free/losing it, I don't think I even broke even. Last day, Rob organised a big forest rave so we went to that. James was supposed to be djing but he ended up just getting fucked on (my) k all night and disappearing. I had a pretty good night, met some really interesting people, did a lot of drugs.
The next day we took Flo back to Bristol, who was starting uni there. Me and James argued a lot, he wasn't being very nice to me and it was really getting me down. Looking back I'm really not sure why i put up with it all.
Back in Bristol, James and Flo went to her student residence, and I went to stay with Liz for a few days. Was feeling generally really downtrodden and seemed to be a bit of a mutual feeling. Ah, and James got it into his head that I was having a lesbian affair and starting throwing all his things in the road, which didn't really help matters..
After a few days, went to stay with Flo and James. Had a very stressful week as James's sanity seemed to be deteriorating on a daily basis, and even though he was homeless (and crazy) he seemed to think it would be ok to get a fucking puppy!!!!! As cute as the puppy (who was named Munty) undoubtedly was , she was only 8 weeks old and really hard work and James had no idea how to look after her.. He bought her rice pudding to eat, a spot the dog book to play with, tried to put her in his pocket and thought it would be ok to take her to a rave with us.. He wasn't toilet training, and me and Flo ended up looking after her and cleaning up after her...
In the end it just got too much and me and Flo took the puppy to a guy in Canterbury (Danny) to look after. Rarr.
Ah yes.. and James woke us up at 5am one morning screaming and shouting about how there were people after him trying to kill him, and how his rape alaram was a two way radio only he knew how to operate between him and his security, and how he was a famous dj and there were a lot of evil people out there, etc etc. Then he accused me of being schizophrenic and dumped me (?).
So what happened after all that...
Well, James disappered off for a bit, having caused much trouble at Flo's residences, and me and Flo had a fun few days getting drunk on free drink vouchers.
James then returned and we got a new squat together.. which was basically a skag den in the roughest part of Easton.. nice...We didn't stay there too long as it just wasn't safe, plus our court hearing came through almost straight away. Had a fun few nights going to raves, and a not such fun night when James managed to lose the key to the squat at 4am when we were coming back home.. which was infuriating especially as he'd spent the past week shouting at me and Flo for really trivial things (like losing the toilet paper). Seriously I find it hard to believe James is a real person.. He's like some sort of vastly exaggerated character on tv you laugh at cus noone's really like that. I mean one day when we were at some mates' house he was spilling beer all over the carpet and when someone asked him what the hell he was doing, he went "oh it's ok you've got those self-cleaning carpets haven't you?". Another time at Easton Road, he was causing so much trouble and stealing everyone's things he got asked to leave, then reappeared in the house the next morning.. turned out he'd hidden in the basement..
Anyway.
We got a new squat in this disused church crypt which was great at first (novelty value) but then not so great as time went on (cold, dark, no electricity or running water...).
We went up to London a few times. First time we went up in a van with a load of Brizzle people to a Halloween squat party in an old theatre. Had a really mad night (there's actually a pic of me at the party here. I'm the one with black hair in a long white fairy skirt thing) Got really fucked on various drugs and danced a lot to gabber/techno. Got 25 quid stolen which was really annoying, and kept getting followed around by really weird blokes (why do i always seem to attract men like that???!). One even proposed to me..Went back to this random hippy bloke's house.
Cameb ack to Cardiff for a bit, saw Nos, and one thing to led to another and.. Nos is great, I've sort of fancied him for years. The only thing is he's 35. It doesn't bother me at all, I hope it doesn't bother him that I'm so much younger, but it's just... a lot of people are being a bit funny about it.And I think my parents would have a fit ("Yeah you'd get on with my new boyfriend Dad, he's about the same age as you.."). When I was back in Cardiff, did some bad drugs a few times, and decided to go back to Bristol to get away from it...
And yes I know how stupid going to Bristol to get away from skag is. And yes, I know how stupid I am for DOING skag but more on that later.
So, back in Bristol stayed at the church. And ended up picking up. Scared me shitless actually, I hate the whole scene surrounding skag it's so fucking nasty and ruthless. And got some really shit gear as well that burnt up straight away when I went to chase it so next time I picked up, I took it another way.
So.. the weekend following that, went to a squat party in London which was in an old warehouse and was pretty good. Left to come back to Cardiff for a few days, saw Nos, came back to Bristol. Long story but I basically ended up with nowhere to live, so I went to stay with this scouse bloke on his boat for a few days. He was letting me stay in return for helping him fibreglass his boat and hat for him (he juggles fire in the street and he's fucking good). I starting selling the Big Issue to get some cash as i had no money to even eat.After that, I went and lived with some skagheads/crackheads, and had a really really shit few weeks. I was very very very stupid and did too many drugs. Nearly od'd one night and I was lucky not to die. I was turning blue and everything. I had a bloke try to get me on the game by giving me free skag (there are some fucking evil people out there.. he wanted to give me a habit so I'd be desperate enough to do it) and I got psychosis off smoking white. I woke up screaming one night, and decided to leave.
So now I'm back in Cardiff.
Took a few days to get my head together after all that. I'm not even sure why I was lured in by skag but it's such an amazing, gentle, familiar, comforting drug. Everything else seems like a waste of time next to it. But it's so evil as well. In Bristol I got a glimpse of what it does to people's lives and it scared the shit out of me. I was talking to a bloke up there who laughed at me when I said I was just using it recreationally, and I would never ever go on the game. He said I had no idea how many times he'd heard that, and that noone sets out to get a habbit or get into prostitution. There's not really any half way with skag, very few people manage to just dabble in it..
I was ill for a bit after I stopped using it completely. It wasn't proper full blown cluck or anything but I felt rough for a few days, just drained and ill, and I looked a state when I came back. But I'm feeling a lot better now and, I'm sort of glad I've had this experience because it's made me determined never to touch heroin again.
Gah so..
What's happening now..
I'm going to spend the next week looking for a job.. My parents said earlier that once I have one, they're willing to lend me the money for first month's rent so I can move out. Nos has rooms going in his house in Trefforest so.. it looks like I'm going to be moving up there. Bit of a change from Bristol, the south wales valleys but, we'll see how it goes. I'm looking forward to moving out and getting a bit of independence back. Oh and I've got tickets to the Pogues in Manchester in December!!
I guess that's all folks. Until next time.
Kate
entry, I'm not really sure how to summarise it all.
WEll, after the last entry, I spent some time living in Bristol.
Things with James (Feather) fucked up,, as like all my other ex boyfriends he turned out to be a bit of a fuck up (paranoid schizophrenic kleptomaniac with a drug habit!). Not long after my last entry we went to Canterbury (where he's from, and where my best mate, ex Rob and a few other people I know live) for a week to stay with his family. The whole week he was a complete arsehole to me.. He spent the whole time ignoring me, stealing my money and drugs and flirting with other girls right in front of my face.. (He told Flo in front of me that he'd love to see her naked and fuck her). Canterbury was generally pretty good though. The first few days we were there, James stole his dad's girlfriend's car and drove me and Rob to Whitsable whilst fucked on k so unsurprisingly he got kicked out of home, and one night we ended up sleeping in a giant head outside a theatre. Midweek I went to London, picked up 25 grams of ketamine and came back and sold it. I was really shit though, I kept getting fucked and giving it away for free/losing it, I don't think I even broke even. Last day, Rob organised a big forest rave so we went to that. James was supposed to be djing but he ended up just getting fucked on (my) k all night and disappearing. I had a pretty good night, met some really interesting people, did a lot of drugs.
The next day we took Flo back to Bristol, who was starting uni there. Me and James argued a lot, he wasn't being very nice to me and it was really getting me down. Looking back I'm really not sure why i put up with it all.
Back in Bristol, James and Flo went to her student residence, and I went to stay with Liz for a few days. Was feeling generally really downtrodden and seemed to be a bit of a mutual feeling. Ah, and James got it into his head that I was having a lesbian affair and starting throwing all his things in the road, which didn't really help matters..
After a few days, went to stay with Flo and James. Had a very stressful week as James's sanity seemed to be deteriorating on a daily basis, and even though he was homeless (and crazy) he seemed to think it would be ok to get a fucking puppy!!!!! As cute as the puppy (who was named Munty) undoubtedly was , she was only 8 weeks old and really hard work and James had no idea how to look after her.. He bought her rice pudding to eat, a spot the dog book to play with, tried to put her in his pocket and thought it would be ok to take her to a rave with us.. He wasn't toilet training, and me and Flo ended up looking after her and cleaning up after her...
In the end it just got too much and me and Flo took the puppy to a guy in Canterbury (Danny) to look after. Rarr.
Ah yes.. and James woke us up at 5am one morning screaming and shouting about how there were people after him trying to kill him, and how his rape alaram was a two way radio only he knew how to operate between him and his security, and how he was a famous dj and there were a lot of evil people out there, etc etc. Then he accused me of being schizophrenic and dumped me (?).
So what happened after all that...
Well, James disappered off for a bit, having caused much trouble at Flo's residences, and me and Flo had a fun few days getting drunk on free drink vouchers.
James then returned and we got a new squat together.. which was basically a skag den in the roughest part of Easton.. nice...We didn't stay there too long as it just wasn't safe, plus our court hearing came through almost straight away. Had a fun few nights going to raves, and a not such fun night when James managed to lose the key to the squat at 4am when we were coming back home.. which was infuriating especially as he'd spent the past week shouting at me and Flo for really trivial things (like losing the toilet paper). Seriously I find it hard to believe James is a real person.. He's like some sort of vastly exaggerated character on tv you laugh at cus noone's really like that. I mean one day when we were at some mates' house he was spilling beer all over the carpet and when someone asked him what the hell he was doing, he went "oh it's ok you've got those self-cleaning carpets haven't you?". Another time at Easton Road, he was causing so much trouble and stealing everyone's things he got asked to leave, then reappeared in the house the next morning.. turned out he'd hidden in the basement..
Anyway.
We got a new squat in this disused church crypt which was great at first (novelty value) but then not so great as time went on (cold, dark, no electricity or running water...).
We went up to London a few times. First time we went up in a van with a load of Brizzle people to a Halloween squat party in an old theatre. Had a really mad night (there's actually a pic of me at the party here. I'm the one with black hair in a long white fairy skirt thing) Got really fucked on various drugs and danced a lot to gabber/techno. Got 25 quid stolen which was really annoying, and kept getting followed around by really weird blokes (why do i always seem to attract men like that???!). One even proposed to me..Went back to this random hippy bloke's house.
Cameb ack to Cardiff for a bit, saw Nos, and one thing to led to another and.. Nos is great, I've sort of fancied him for years. The only thing is he's 35. It doesn't bother me at all, I hope it doesn't bother him that I'm so much younger, but it's just... a lot of people are being a bit funny about it.And I think my parents would have a fit ("Yeah you'd get on with my new boyfriend Dad, he's about the same age as you.."). When I was back in Cardiff, did some bad drugs a few times, and decided to go back to Bristol to get away from it...
And yes I know how stupid going to Bristol to get away from skag is. And yes, I know how stupid I am for DOING skag but more on that later.
So, back in Bristol stayed at the church. And ended up picking up. Scared me shitless actually, I hate the whole scene surrounding skag it's so fucking nasty and ruthless. And got some really shit gear as well that burnt up straight away when I went to chase it so next time I picked up, I took it another way.
So.. the weekend following that, went to a squat party in London which was in an old warehouse and was pretty good. Left to come back to Cardiff for a few days, saw Nos, came back to Bristol. Long story but I basically ended up with nowhere to live, so I went to stay with this scouse bloke on his boat for a few days. He was letting me stay in return for helping him fibreglass his boat and hat for him (he juggles fire in the street and he's fucking good). I starting selling the Big Issue to get some cash as i had no money to even eat.After that, I went and lived with some skagheads/crackheads, and had a really really shit few weeks. I was very very very stupid and did too many drugs. Nearly od'd one night and I was lucky not to die. I was turning blue and everything. I had a bloke try to get me on the game by giving me free skag (there are some fucking evil people out there.. he wanted to give me a habit so I'd be desperate enough to do it) and I got psychosis off smoking white. I woke up screaming one night, and decided to leave.
So now I'm back in Cardiff.
Took a few days to get my head together after all that. I'm not even sure why I was lured in by skag but it's such an amazing, gentle, familiar, comforting drug. Everything else seems like a waste of time next to it. But it's so evil as well. In Bristol I got a glimpse of what it does to people's lives and it scared the shit out of me. I was talking to a bloke up there who laughed at me when I said I was just using it recreationally, and I would never ever go on the game. He said I had no idea how many times he'd heard that, and that noone sets out to get a habbit or get into prostitution. There's not really any half way with skag, very few people manage to just dabble in it..
I was ill for a bit after I stopped using it completely. It wasn't proper full blown cluck or anything but I felt rough for a few days, just drained and ill, and I looked a state when I came back. But I'm feeling a lot better now and, I'm sort of glad I've had this experience because it's made me determined never to touch heroin again.
Gah so..
What's happening now..
I'm going to spend the next week looking for a job.. My parents said earlier that once I have one, they're willing to lend me the money for first month's rent so I can move out. Nos has rooms going in his house in Trefforest so.. it looks like I'm going to be moving up there. Bit of a change from Bristol, the south wales valleys but, we'll see how it goes. I'm looking forward to moving out and getting a bit of independence back. Oh and I've got tickets to the Pogues in Manchester in December!!
I guess that's all folks. Until next time.
Kate