i feel just fine...i think
I have been doing a great amount of thinking lately. so much in fact, my brain is on overdrive. i am having a hard time figuring out what i want out of life. i have my entire future ahead of me...it scares me to death sometimes. everything is just so overwhelming. i feel as if i won't be able to do it. i won't be able to graduate college or find a decent job, i won't be able to afford living on my own, i won't be able to travel or move out of this suffocating town. God, i know i am being extremely pessimistic right now, but i am so frustrated. everything is fine now, but what happens next? will i get into san francisco state or any college for that matter, will i be able to balance the work load between school and work, all while trying to pay all my bills? will daniel and i stay together...god i hope so because i love him so much and i can't imagine being without him. speaking of daniel, i really hope the band takes off because i know they have the talent. they just need to stay with it and keep themselves motivated. they are so much better than many of the bands out there now. this is cheering me up just talking about him. i know things will work themselves out somehow. i just get freaked out and overreact sometimes. by the way, jared leaves tomorrow at 4:30 am. we went out to dinner tonight with ev and laura. it was fun. we had a lot of laughs. i will miss him like crazy, but he says we can come down whenever we want. that will be fun to take a road trip down there during summer. but it's late and i have to work tomorrow morning, but before i go here is a song i like from Saves the Day...it's called "Deciding":
And it's not fair-why do i have to be so?/ Oh i feel everything much more-much more than you ever will/ and it's too hard when i can't even catch your eye/ so i can't send you messages/ and at night i dream of reasons that i can't let you go/ but i don't know if it's time to crack your walls so thick/ that i can't see past you/ and last summer wasn't enough for me/ and now that winter comes the cold beats harder/ and no one is left alone and i'm offering you me right now/ take me i'm yours/ and i won't have it any other way/ so don't let fools be carried by what i say/ because the night keeps looking our way/ and you're not seeing what i'm missing 'cause i'm missing you/ and i think we should run as fast as we can into what we don't know/ it's time to let me in because i feel just fine.
And it's not fair-why do i have to be so?/ Oh i feel everything much more-much more than you ever will/ and it's too hard when i can't even catch your eye/ so i can't send you messages/ and at night i dream of reasons that i can't let you go/ but i don't know if it's time to crack your walls so thick/ that i can't see past you/ and last summer wasn't enough for me/ and now that winter comes the cold beats harder/ and no one is left alone and i'm offering you me right now/ take me i'm yours/ and i won't have it any other way/ so don't let fools be carried by what i say/ because the night keeps looking our way/ and you're not seeing what i'm missing 'cause i'm missing you/ and i think we should run as fast as we can into what we don't know/ it's time to let me in because i feel just fine.