Old writing prose? -- Chew on this
12.37 am on August 21, 2004
Even though I told myself and everyone else I would never again be close to anything, I still chuckle to myself sometimes on how I let you slip by.
Having lost everything and my soul, still I would have false hopes and yearn for happiness of days gone by. Even though December and Matt are memories long past, I always appreciated how you never lectured me on letting them go. “Just because you lose something doesn’t always mean you lose,” you used to tell me. To that I would always smile because I knew you were right.
Still to this day we don’t know how we got so together, but we both still are glad we did. I always thought I was shy, but you’re the skittish one. We met well over three years ago, but during the long lonely nights of nothing we would exchange deep thoughts and secrets that would later lead us to getting closer than ever.
I shared with you my darkest secrets; you gave me your friendship. Together we would escape our lives and leave everyone else behind while we became the ‘nightriders’ and would listen to ‘the storm,’ which was your favorite song that we both shared…’our song.’ Then we would both get quiet for awhile and think about what was and what could have been. We would look at each other through the dark with sad eyes; then you would break the silence and ask “Are you ok?” and with my shaky voice I would lie and say yes. Then we would look back to the moonlit road as I took you home.
The time we had together was great…I helped you with your problems and you set me somewhat straight in my head. Still some nights I get scared that I couldn’t talk to you about whatever, and I always think of asking you what you think the future should be. You would be silent for awhile because we both knew that we were both old enough to know but still too young to be sure.
Then when I would forewarn you about the others, you would say “Yeah, but…” and I would counter with “We would all know they’d be pissed if we got too close.” You would sigh then and say slowly “No, Cassie…” then I would say “Don’t be too sad if you don’t see me around for awhile.”
Even though you knew I liked you, I still wasn’t sure, but that’s what the others were thinking, I knew it. But then I would have crushes on others and would ask you about it because I was still confused about what I wanted. I would chuckle and tell you that they were kind of like you, but in a way they were “themselves.” You would say that they were nice kids, but then I told you the reasons why I could never love again. Aloud you damned Matt for ruining me while I agreed with you silently in my head.
Still sometimes if I think about the past I cry, wishing into the night that I could talk to you so I wouldn’t be alone. Other times I think of ‘us’ but I know it won’t work b/c we don’t like each other like that. (Then again going out with my little brother would be kind of weird.) I then later figured out why I did like you and came to the conclusion of it was because I liked what we had but you’re not the one. I would sometimes be sad that we couldn’t be together, but then always smile because I knew that at least one of us got what we wanted.
Even though I told myself and everyone else I would never again be close to anything, I still chuckle to myself sometimes on how I let you slip by.
Having lost everything and my soul, still I would have false hopes and yearn for happiness of days gone by. Even though December and Matt are memories long past, I always appreciated how you never lectured me on letting them go. “Just because you lose something doesn’t always mean you lose,” you used to tell me. To that I would always smile because I knew you were right.
Still to this day we don’t know how we got so together, but we both still are glad we did. I always thought I was shy, but you’re the skittish one. We met well over three years ago, but during the long lonely nights of nothing we would exchange deep thoughts and secrets that would later lead us to getting closer than ever.
I shared with you my darkest secrets; you gave me your friendship. Together we would escape our lives and leave everyone else behind while we became the ‘nightriders’ and would listen to ‘the storm,’ which was your favorite song that we both shared…’our song.’ Then we would both get quiet for awhile and think about what was and what could have been. We would look at each other through the dark with sad eyes; then you would break the silence and ask “Are you ok?” and with my shaky voice I would lie and say yes. Then we would look back to the moonlit road as I took you home.
The time we had together was great…I helped you with your problems and you set me somewhat straight in my head. Still some nights I get scared that I couldn’t talk to you about whatever, and I always think of asking you what you think the future should be. You would be silent for awhile because we both knew that we were both old enough to know but still too young to be sure.
Then when I would forewarn you about the others, you would say “Yeah, but…” and I would counter with “We would all know they’d be pissed if we got too close.” You would sigh then and say slowly “No, Cassie…” then I would say “Don’t be too sad if you don’t see me around for awhile.”
Even though you knew I liked you, I still wasn’t sure, but that’s what the others were thinking, I knew it. But then I would have crushes on others and would ask you about it because I was still confused about what I wanted. I would chuckle and tell you that they were kind of like you, but in a way they were “themselves.” You would say that they were nice kids, but then I told you the reasons why I could never love again. Aloud you damned Matt for ruining me while I agreed with you silently in my head.
Still sometimes if I think about the past I cry, wishing into the night that I could talk to you so I wouldn’t be alone. Other times I think of ‘us’ but I know it won’t work b/c we don’t like each other like that. (Then again going out with my little brother would be kind of weird.) I then later figured out why I did like you and came to the conclusion of it was because I liked what we had but you’re not the one. I would sometimes be sad that we couldn’t be together, but then always smile because I knew that at least one of us got what we wanted.