seriously.

Jun 29, 2009 19:38

Monday. Monday's are terrible. Every other Monday that is. They make me feel low. Pitiful low. Useless low. Every other Monday is when I fill out my unemployment claims form and drive myself over to WV while feeling bad about myself for not having a job. I was hoping today would be a break from routine and tried to stop at Danial's place on my way back. Both of his vehicles were there, but he didn't answer the door... or the phone. Apparently he was sleeping and did call me back about an hour later, but by then I lost all the courage I'd previously had and couldn't get anything out. I never realized how much I liked having him around until he wasn't around. Then the past year and a half of not seeing him was easy. It's easy to hate someone and just stay away. It's easy to not answer calls from mutual friends and find a job where nobody you know is there (then get fired, but that's not the point). It's easy to pretend to not care. It's not easy to actually not care. I care a lot. A lot. I hope that sometime in the near future I can put together a thought that makes sense and actually tell him how I feel. I think if I could have done that a year and a half ago that things would be different right now.
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