im sorry. is never. enough.
-2 am-
haircut.
yeah.
tomorrow: going 2 the highschool to beat up kids and wonder where my childhood went. i cant wait.
then i gotta go to nassau cause my schedule is still F'ed up.
i PROMISE i'll make an interesting post soon. like really interesting. like people will wanna be like "yo dogg publish that shit" and ill be like "no...no way man i cant".
-----------------------x-----------------------
edit:
-3:45 am-
what the fuck is livejournal? what the FUCK is myspace? i spend over 2 hours a day on those 2 addictive websites of death and without them i dont know what id do with my time. they frustrate me and make me happy and sad and shit. same as music.
this is really bad but i feel something really bad coming. like REALLY bad. like something thats gonna make my life a living hell forever until i die. ever get that feeling? never? yeah it just hit me for some reason. i guess because ive been looking up for a while and nothing has really come my way in terms of changing my attitude and view on life. it was weird. like just now i felt like everything ive ever worked for is gonna go to waste and all the friendships ive made are gonna end. my life will end. im fucking retarted and i DONT know what im talking about but it was the shittiest feeling in the world i just had. i dont even know if i still feel that way. the feeling lasted about 2 mins. weird. it ended as i was typing. all i want is happiness and if i never get it im fucked. im gonna get old and die and where do we go from there? thats what religion is and i hate religion and i hate believing in afterlife because some people DONT believe in it. and the people who dont believe in it believe in something else, which is true to them. what comes after death? i dont ever want to know. but i will know. or maybe i wont. maybe you just die and you never see or hear or go anywhere or do anything ever again.
sometimes i need to look on the bright side. i dont get excited about alot of things. because theres never THAT much to look up to. im excited for random things. here is what im excited for. im excited for summer. im excited for the battle of the bands in syosett. im excited to meet michelle. im excited to start my fucking band. and im excited to go to my old highschool tomorrow. im excited about the past and bummed about the future. i wish it was the other way around. or SOMETHING like that. i feel lost and i feel like my adidas lost grip on the ground. i NEED something that will ground me. a girlfriend, a band, anything. i need something. i need to keep my livejournal. because i got rid of my old livejournal when i hit a point in my life like this before. its livejournal.com/users/one_life_left if you wanna look at it. its really depressing i think. its fucked up and you cant comment but if you wanna read it or something you can. whatever.
i have nothing else to say really. im just in a mood that a few people might know and some people might not. heres how i really feel. i feel like i completely threw my life away by leaving hofstra and going to nassau. its a great descision for my major and for my familys lack of money, but i know if i would have given dorming there a better shot id be somewhere else right now. somewhere where id be happy and not worry so much about what could have been. i feel like in 5 years im going to feel the same way i do right now and KNOW that i completely missed out on college and i'll be a townie the rest of my life. i have plenty of friends and i get so many comments on livejournal and myspace and i assume people like me and like hanging out with me but i feel like i was born in the wrong body. or at the wrong time or something. i feel like that because i KNOW i can be happy and i dont like being sad or depressed at all, but i am.
heres a perfect world: my band plays for kids who love us. i have a girlfriend who loves me more than anything in the world. and im happy and smile for no reason often.
heres my world: no girlfriend. no band really. sad for no reason.
fuck livejournal because im saying shit thats making me sound like an idiot. i dont know what im saying on this thing sometimes but all i know is that little things in life make me happy and comments happens to be one of them.
now that im done talking about how i "feel" and what i "think" im going to stop writing in this thing and crawl into the corner of my room with my guitar and write something.
haircut.
yeah.
tomorrow: going 2 the highschool to beat up kids and wonder where my childhood went. i cant wait.
then i gotta go to nassau cause my schedule is still F'ed up.
i PROMISE i'll make an interesting post soon. like really interesting. like people will wanna be like "yo dogg publish that shit" and ill be like "no...no way man i cant".
-----------------------x-----------------------
edit:
-3:45 am-
what the fuck is livejournal? what the FUCK is myspace? i spend over 2 hours a day on those 2 addictive websites of death and without them i dont know what id do with my time. they frustrate me and make me happy and sad and shit. same as music.
this is really bad but i feel something really bad coming. like REALLY bad. like something thats gonna make my life a living hell forever until i die. ever get that feeling? never? yeah it just hit me for some reason. i guess because ive been looking up for a while and nothing has really come my way in terms of changing my attitude and view on life. it was weird. like just now i felt like everything ive ever worked for is gonna go to waste and all the friendships ive made are gonna end. my life will end. im fucking retarted and i DONT know what im talking about but it was the shittiest feeling in the world i just had. i dont even know if i still feel that way. the feeling lasted about 2 mins. weird. it ended as i was typing. all i want is happiness and if i never get it im fucked. im gonna get old and die and where do we go from there? thats what religion is and i hate religion and i hate believing in afterlife because some people DONT believe in it. and the people who dont believe in it believe in something else, which is true to them. what comes after death? i dont ever want to know. but i will know. or maybe i wont. maybe you just die and you never see or hear or go anywhere or do anything ever again.
sometimes i need to look on the bright side. i dont get excited about alot of things. because theres never THAT much to look up to. im excited for random things. here is what im excited for. im excited for summer. im excited for the battle of the bands in syosett. im excited to meet michelle. im excited to start my fucking band. and im excited to go to my old highschool tomorrow. im excited about the past and bummed about the future. i wish it was the other way around. or SOMETHING like that. i feel lost and i feel like my adidas lost grip on the ground. i NEED something that will ground me. a girlfriend, a band, anything. i need something. i need to keep my livejournal. because i got rid of my old livejournal when i hit a point in my life like this before. its livejournal.com/users/one_life_left if you wanna look at it. its really depressing i think. its fucked up and you cant comment but if you wanna read it or something you can. whatever.
i have nothing else to say really. im just in a mood that a few people might know and some people might not. heres how i really feel. i feel like i completely threw my life away by leaving hofstra and going to nassau. its a great descision for my major and for my familys lack of money, but i know if i would have given dorming there a better shot id be somewhere else right now. somewhere where id be happy and not worry so much about what could have been. i feel like in 5 years im going to feel the same way i do right now and KNOW that i completely missed out on college and i'll be a townie the rest of my life. i have plenty of friends and i get so many comments on livejournal and myspace and i assume people like me and like hanging out with me but i feel like i was born in the wrong body. or at the wrong time or something. i feel like that because i KNOW i can be happy and i dont like being sad or depressed at all, but i am.
heres a perfect world: my band plays for kids who love us. i have a girlfriend who loves me more than anything in the world. and im happy and smile for no reason often.
heres my world: no girlfriend. no band really. sad for no reason.
fuck livejournal because im saying shit thats making me sound like an idiot. i dont know what im saying on this thing sometimes but all i know is that little things in life make me happy and comments happens to be one of them.
now that im done talking about how i "feel" and what i "think" im going to stop writing in this thing and crawl into the corner of my room with my guitar and write something.