imperfection
oooookay, you all know how my dad is an overprotective, super-controlling freak, right? right. and yesterday, i made a somewhat jocular comment to my mom about how my dad "doesn't care" about whatever she had just asked me to show him. so she felt like it was necessary to inform him of this statement i made, and, sure enough, i could hear my dad freaking out downstairs, saying "what's wrong with her? is she stupid? why would she say something like that? is something serious going on that she's not telling us about? tell her not to hang around her friends anymore. blahblahblah" okay, he makes way unreasonable assumptions whenever i even attempt to speak my mind about how i feel. it's sort of the same with my mom. like later on that night she wanted to talk to me about what i said (i heard my dad tell her to talk to me. he sucks at being subtle.) and i was just trying to explain that i said that, to me, it FEELS as if my dad could care less about whether or not i'm happy. as if he just cares about me succeeding in life. and apparently me and him have different definitions of "success." and despite the fact that i'm trying to be open with my mom about how i don't feel like she or my dad gives me enough freedom to do even simple things like going to the movies and such, she rambles on about how unappreciative i am and how "material" America is and how i'm not like my friends and she even dared to say that my friends are only here for high school and won't even care about me afterwards. now that hit really hard. how the hell can you even say that? i already have a low self-esteem as it is. and my parents make me feel like i'm the absolute worst daughter. i seriously don't get it. i get good grades. i don't drink. i don't do drugs. i'm a virgin. i keep my cussing to a minimum. i open doors for old people, dammit!!
okay. by the time i ended the "conversation" with my mom, i was in a fit of tears. that's how i always end up. i'm a fricking sensitive whimp. i can't put up an argument with my parents without bawling like a baby. well that's one thing that's wrong with me. but i don't know why i seem so untrustworthy to my parents. and obviously i cannot talk to them openly. ever. as i have just proven. goodness, my mom told me today that when i invite my friends over to spend the night friday for my birthday party (oh. my birthday's tomorrow, if you care. i'm turning 16. finally) they have to introduce themselves to my dad. so he knows who i'm "hanging out with." dumb. why would i pick bad friends? .. but then again, everyone to him has major flaws. especially me.
okay. by the time i ended the "conversation" with my mom, i was in a fit of tears. that's how i always end up. i'm a fricking sensitive whimp. i can't put up an argument with my parents without bawling like a baby. well that's one thing that's wrong with me. but i don't know why i seem so untrustworthy to my parents. and obviously i cannot talk to them openly. ever. as i have just proven. goodness, my mom told me today that when i invite my friends over to spend the night friday for my birthday party (oh. my birthday's tomorrow, if you care. i'm turning 16. finally) they have to introduce themselves to my dad. so he knows who i'm "hanging out with." dumb. why would i pick bad friends? .. but then again, everyone to him has major flaws. especially me.