(no subject)
yeaa christmas eve .. sucks my ASS!!!!!! .. my back hurts sooo bad .. i think i have a kidney infection or my appendix is fckd up .. good times .. so i feel extremely naseous .. my head is pounding .. n of course the major back pain .. im not in the mood to deal with everyone today but of course i hafta put on the happy face bcuz its christmas eve .. yeaa a whole buncha smiles for that one .. teej made me cry today haha hes so0 nice to me .. ridiculous man .. he invited me to his family party bcuz he didnt want me to be alone on christmas eve .. he said he really cares about me n wants me to be happy n what not .. i super appreciate it .. its nice to have a friend like that .. chris as well .. he also said things along the same lines .. very much appreciated boys ur both awesome!.. so on to the big topic of my existence uhmm yea i basically hate it here .. i want to leave n never come back .. i cant be here anymore .. i dont want to see anyone because it makes me miserable .. the one n only thing great around here is .. well u all know .. n yea well that isnt going anywhere .. i dont know im basically back to where i started when i first came home .. i thought maybe it'd be fine being home .. but it isnt .. i dont belong here n dont want to be here .. i dont like remembering things .. i want to get away from it all n go back to my new life at school .. with my new friends n new everything else .. im sick of being here surrounded by memories n people that make me upset .. dont get me wrong i care about everyone but i need to live my life n get away from this one .. as for the boyyyy .. uhm yea i dunno what to say about that .. i said everything i needed to say to him .. i cant do anything more .. i dont know .. im real confused .. i dunno what to say about it .. except i loveee him .. honestly n truely n i cant do anything about it .. it makes me unbelievably unhappy .. but like i said theres nothin i can do about it .. i guess i'll i dont even know .. i jus wanna scream to the world .. n cry my eyes out until they bleed tears .. i cant do it anymore .. ughh im .. i dont know .. im done i cant think right now .. to0 upset .. too unhappy .. too alone .. too everything i shouldnt be .. im the fckn worlds biggest disappointment .. claps for that .. i wanna cry .. i wanna love him ..i wanna just disappear
edit: ok so today didnt turn out to0 shabby .. 300 bux plus a door box set .. excellent .. teej visited we had a nice laugh at my nephews head dive into the tile floor .. stevie graced us with her presence .. its getting too weird .. i dunno right now theres nothin goin on e'erbodys gettin drunk .. i should probably go for some a that .. erins comin over now to keep me company until midnite mass .. hmm i love brody .. alot .. still wishing for a christmas miracle ..