Drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back
Sooooooo, I get a text from Nick today that says the following:
"If everyone could read my myspace bulletin that would be great. It's important. Thanks. And my phone probably wont be on today but feel free to text me ur thoughts anyway."
As soon as I read this, I thought "oh shit, there's no way this could be good" so I log on to myspace to read the bulletin and found the following:
I know I don't need to, but I feel I want to, even maybe owe you all a bit of an explanation. I'm tired of holding all back in attempt to avoid conflict and hurt feelilngs, but that may just be the colateral damage. This is all coming from the heart and I'm sorry if anyone is hurt or upset by the following but, fuck it. I've never been one to care what people think of me...
Depression: First of all I don't want anyone to feel as if anythnig they said, neglected to say, did or neglected to do caused my depression and hospitalization. This was something that had been building for years and finally broke free. Although I'm sure somethings didn't help it. Also depression is like a disease it's not something I cna just stop. I can't just be okay, I'm happy and the drugs don't do that either. They are more of stablizer so I can think like a normal person. And I just wanted you all to understand that just cause I am getting help doesn't mean I'm just better likidy split. As with everything good in life, it takes time. And I am getting ther. But I am asking you all to hang in cause I will smile again, and not one of those fake smiles I've put on so many times before.
Kristen: Over time I've began to wonder if you were ever the person I thought you were? And over time I've found the answer is, no. I can't do the back and forth with us anymore. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to everyone else, and most importantly it's not fair to me. And so I'm done trying to get over it. I forgive but I'll never forget. I'll also never forget the memories we shared, the tears, the laughs, or the tears because of the laughs. But maybe in the end we got each other just too well. But it just wasn't enough for me to stay. So this is my farewell, for good. And I'm sorry.
Kaley: I'm sorry I ever doubted you, doubted our friendship. And for everything I have lost the psat few months getting you back,and gaining Craig I believe has made it all worth it. I'm so glad to have had you here through this struggle with in myself. And you truelly are a amazing friend and person. I love you.
Melissa: Although we had our falling out I do enjoy our friendship. I'm sorry for accusing and blaming you for the myspace/craigslist bullshit, because I truelly don't believe it was you. My eyes were blinded but now they see much more clearly and I'm sorry. All though I know you may not be completley innocent in the past, I'm glad ot have you back as a friend. Although I am afraid of the choices you are currently making, I am not going to tell you what to do. But rather just suggest to learn from Kaley and My mistakes and be carefull.
Michael: I love you. I think your only flaw is your too great of a person sometimes. I really miss you as a friend and I know Craig and I are both a little (really) hurt we have lost you to an extent. Even though we havn't we know. But we both feel we know where your loyalties lay and as much as we wish otherwise they are not with us? Also I hope you move on from Melissa. Cause I love her to death and think she is great.
But you deserve someone AMAZING!
Craig:I love you more then you understand. I'm soooo glad that we have becmae the best friends we have. Although a little sad it didn't happen sooner. I don't know what I would have done, where I would be with out you as of late. We have a bond and likeness that I can no longer ignore. And I'll be the first to admit I have trust/abandonment issues and if what has happen as of late happens with us I will be devistated. Again, I love you.
Justin: Althoughwe did drift a stray, I still love you. Although you do press thouse buttons occasionally with your intense saracsm. I understand it and it doesn't hurt me like I know it does some others. I look forward to renewing our close friendship. And I know your always there for me and I appreciate that you are a good friend. I love you, and also respect you. Respect you for being able to put aside your hurt and anger towards Melissa, and be around her. It is far more then I know I could do.
Alex/Sarah/Anne/Mary & Josh: We need to hang out more consistently.
Todd: I think this is the hardest one for me to write. I love you more than you know. For better or worse. As I said I'm sorry for what I did and I never wanted to be that friend to you. And the only thing really weighing heavily on my mind, negativly, is what I have lost from you as of late. I believed you and trusted you when you said for better or worse, when you said you would never choose anyone, let alone her over me... And yet when I met my worse where were you? Where are you? I'm not gonna lie, I feel like you've made your choice, and it wasn't me, it was her. And it kills me to see it happen. I know if someone I kinda liked, even really liked hurt you, fucked with your head, fucked with your friendships, she wouldn't be the one I'd choose to have a relationship with? The one I'd choose to hang out with? I think its FUCKED up you'd rather have Kristen over your "best friend" and brother. And if you can't see where that's wrong I'd love to buy you a pair of glasses. But I don't think they make a perscription strong enough. I will always be your friend, I will always love you with all I have. But it's your decison to have them. (Friendship/love). I will always be there for you if you need me, but as long as you are with Kristen, I don't think we are going to work. And I am sad to say that, but I believe it to be true.
What do I want?: I want it all back, Todd, Mike, Justin, friendships with out stigma, a drama free exsistence, happyness. Do I expect it all, no. I don't expect you to choose me, to pick me, as much I wish it true. I'm not asking that of you. I'm not telling you who you can or cannnot be friends with. Just be careful. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it. But this IS the way I see it.
"If your not part of the solution, you must be part of the problem.
"
-Nick.
Wow, I don't think he probably could have picked a more inappropriate way to single out Kristen and make her feel like shit. As you can probably tell from his post Kristen and Todd are officially dating now, good for them, they seem very happy. This is a recent development as of about 2 or 3 days ago, but apparently when it became official it struck a nerve with Nick and generated this little beauty above.
Now don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter what it is. But I don't see how it is necessary at all to post it as a public bulletin on a site like Myspace and then text all your friends to read it when it is complimenting everyone except Kristen and just completely bashing her. I see that as an attack on Kristen and that is really messed up. I mean if you have crap with someone you should be able to talk to them but this is just messed up. I texted Kristen after I read it to see how she was doing and she was balling her eyes out apparently (she is very emotional). Ugh, I really don't know what to do now, I don't see how Nick could think that this could solve anything except to make him feel better by expressing everything that he felt, but he did it in such a selfish way. Blah, and at the same time, Craig and Kaley are still on his side with everything so I'm still gonna be jumping back and fourth. Craig has been my best friend since high school and I'm not quite ready to give that up yet, no matter what he does. But he never even attempts to contact me anymore. I haven't seen him or heard from him in weeks, it's ridiculous. I'm just waiting for this whole thing to blow up and get caught in the crossfire cause I KNOW it is going to happen, and I am not looking forward to it.
On a lighter note, with the exception of the above drama I am doing quite well. I have been happier then I have been in a while for the past week. Mike described it as 'giddy' and says it's creepy how happy I am. lol.
I have a date on Thursday too, hopefully?
=--Justin--=
"If everyone could read my myspace bulletin that would be great. It's important. Thanks. And my phone probably wont be on today but feel free to text me ur thoughts anyway."
As soon as I read this, I thought "oh shit, there's no way this could be good" so I log on to myspace to read the bulletin and found the following:
I know I don't need to, but I feel I want to, even maybe owe you all a bit of an explanation. I'm tired of holding all back in attempt to avoid conflict and hurt feelilngs, but that may just be the colateral damage. This is all coming from the heart and I'm sorry if anyone is hurt or upset by the following but, fuck it. I've never been one to care what people think of me...
Depression: First of all I don't want anyone to feel as if anythnig they said, neglected to say, did or neglected to do caused my depression and hospitalization. This was something that had been building for years and finally broke free. Although I'm sure somethings didn't help it. Also depression is like a disease it's not something I cna just stop. I can't just be okay, I'm happy and the drugs don't do that either. They are more of stablizer so I can think like a normal person. And I just wanted you all to understand that just cause I am getting help doesn't mean I'm just better likidy split. As with everything good in life, it takes time. And I am getting ther. But I am asking you all to hang in cause I will smile again, and not one of those fake smiles I've put on so many times before.
Kristen: Over time I've began to wonder if you were ever the person I thought you were? And over time I've found the answer is, no. I can't do the back and forth with us anymore. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to everyone else, and most importantly it's not fair to me. And so I'm done trying to get over it. I forgive but I'll never forget. I'll also never forget the memories we shared, the tears, the laughs, or the tears because of the laughs. But maybe in the end we got each other just too well. But it just wasn't enough for me to stay. So this is my farewell, for good. And I'm sorry.
Kaley: I'm sorry I ever doubted you, doubted our friendship. And for everything I have lost the psat few months getting you back,and gaining Craig I believe has made it all worth it. I'm so glad to have had you here through this struggle with in myself. And you truelly are a amazing friend and person. I love you.
Melissa: Although we had our falling out I do enjoy our friendship. I'm sorry for accusing and blaming you for the myspace/craigslist bullshit, because I truelly don't believe it was you. My eyes were blinded but now they see much more clearly and I'm sorry. All though I know you may not be completley innocent in the past, I'm glad ot have you back as a friend. Although I am afraid of the choices you are currently making, I am not going to tell you what to do. But rather just suggest to learn from Kaley and My mistakes and be carefull.
Michael: I love you. I think your only flaw is your too great of a person sometimes. I really miss you as a friend and I know Craig and I are both a little (really) hurt we have lost you to an extent. Even though we havn't we know. But we both feel we know where your loyalties lay and as much as we wish otherwise they are not with us? Also I hope you move on from Melissa. Cause I love her to death and think she is great.
But you deserve someone AMAZING!
Craig:I love you more then you understand. I'm soooo glad that we have becmae the best friends we have. Although a little sad it didn't happen sooner. I don't know what I would have done, where I would be with out you as of late. We have a bond and likeness that I can no longer ignore. And I'll be the first to admit I have trust/abandonment issues and if what has happen as of late happens with us I will be devistated. Again, I love you.
Justin: Althoughwe did drift a stray, I still love you. Although you do press thouse buttons occasionally with your intense saracsm. I understand it and it doesn't hurt me like I know it does some others. I look forward to renewing our close friendship. And I know your always there for me and I appreciate that you are a good friend. I love you, and also respect you. Respect you for being able to put aside your hurt and anger towards Melissa, and be around her. It is far more then I know I could do.
Alex/Sarah/Anne/Mary & Josh: We need to hang out more consistently.
Todd: I think this is the hardest one for me to write. I love you more than you know. For better or worse. As I said I'm sorry for what I did and I never wanted to be that friend to you. And the only thing really weighing heavily on my mind, negativly, is what I have lost from you as of late. I believed you and trusted you when you said for better or worse, when you said you would never choose anyone, let alone her over me... And yet when I met my worse where were you? Where are you? I'm not gonna lie, I feel like you've made your choice, and it wasn't me, it was her. And it kills me to see it happen. I know if someone I kinda liked, even really liked hurt you, fucked with your head, fucked with your friendships, she wouldn't be the one I'd choose to have a relationship with? The one I'd choose to hang out with? I think its FUCKED up you'd rather have Kristen over your "best friend" and brother. And if you can't see where that's wrong I'd love to buy you a pair of glasses. But I don't think they make a perscription strong enough. I will always be your friend, I will always love you with all I have. But it's your decison to have them. (Friendship/love). I will always be there for you if you need me, but as long as you are with Kristen, I don't think we are going to work. And I am sad to say that, but I believe it to be true.
What do I want?: I want it all back, Todd, Mike, Justin, friendships with out stigma, a drama free exsistence, happyness. Do I expect it all, no. I don't expect you to choose me, to pick me, as much I wish it true. I'm not asking that of you. I'm not telling you who you can or cannnot be friends with. Just be careful. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it. But this IS the way I see it.
"If your not part of the solution, you must be part of the problem.
"
-Nick.
Wow, I don't think he probably could have picked a more inappropriate way to single out Kristen and make her feel like shit. As you can probably tell from his post Kristen and Todd are officially dating now, good for them, they seem very happy. This is a recent development as of about 2 or 3 days ago, but apparently when it became official it struck a nerve with Nick and generated this little beauty above.
Now don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter what it is. But I don't see how it is necessary at all to post it as a public bulletin on a site like Myspace and then text all your friends to read it when it is complimenting everyone except Kristen and just completely bashing her. I see that as an attack on Kristen and that is really messed up. I mean if you have crap with someone you should be able to talk to them but this is just messed up. I texted Kristen after I read it to see how she was doing and she was balling her eyes out apparently (she is very emotional). Ugh, I really don't know what to do now, I don't see how Nick could think that this could solve anything except to make him feel better by expressing everything that he felt, but he did it in such a selfish way. Blah, and at the same time, Craig and Kaley are still on his side with everything so I'm still gonna be jumping back and fourth. Craig has been my best friend since high school and I'm not quite ready to give that up yet, no matter what he does. But he never even attempts to contact me anymore. I haven't seen him or heard from him in weeks, it's ridiculous. I'm just waiting for this whole thing to blow up and get caught in the crossfire cause I KNOW it is going to happen, and I am not looking forward to it.
On a lighter note, with the exception of the above drama I am doing quite well. I have been happier then I have been in a while for the past week. Mike described it as 'giddy' and says it's creepy how happy I am. lol.
I have a date on Thursday too, hopefully?
=--Justin--=