Not sure if i am in another downswing again...
Life has been a weird rollercoaster the past couple days.
So, last saturday my dad was in the hospital again- turned out to be nothing serious, but he had another one of his "passing out for no reason" episodes again. They are scary and nobody's sure why they are happening and that is annoying. But it's not his heart so that's good i guess. They only happen once a year or so, and i guess that's not that often, but still if we could avoid the once a year hospital stays and ambulance rides, that would be nice, don't you think?
Also, i am still in the process of fighting my former employer on the unemployment front. I submitted my appeal this week- to be delivered tomorrow (yay express shipping to the tune of TWENTY SIX BUCKS! FOR A FREAKING ENVELOPE.) No idea how long that will take, plus i need to take a trip to the CHRO office and see if i have a discrimination claim (i don't think i do, but every past HR person i have talked to says i do, plus my lawyer, so it's like okay i guess i'll go...) and see where that goes. *shrug*
So on account of this, i missed my lesson with Darden last monday, and also acro class. Which was a bummer, but i was broke and had so much shit going on with my dad i didnt' want to be too far away from him. So i only went up on tuesday for fabric class- which was a good class. And also in the midst of all this.
1- i got offered a club gig here in new haven (potentially recurring.) that is enough to bring in a moderate amount of cash.
2- got offered a job at Cornell University Veterinary Specialists in Stamford. That i interviewed for back in MAY. It is part time hours (2 days a week), but the pay is enough that i may not need more.
DOH!!!!! It is the two things i swore i would not do again! Veterinary Medicine and working in Fairfield County!!!! But, it is the second time they have called me (i ignored the first call) and it's like, god damn, they still called me back even after i ignored them. And if i had to work ANYWHERE in the veterinary field, it would be for them, because if Cornell University isn't doing and teaching the right thing, i don't know who is. I would be driving during times of no traffic. Potentially i could take the train. And... god damn it. I told them i'd take it...
DOH!!! what is wrong with me!!! Okay maybe nothing. I did like working as a technician in a GOOD hospital, and at least at this hospital i wouldn't have to do fucking cat haircuts or dentals. I'd be seriously freaking FIXING SICK THINGS. But also- it is two days a week and i can still do circus classes as often as i want. I will be able to do gigs when i get them. And it is the best hospital in the area- short of going to NY to work at AMC or Boston to work at Angell.
So no matter what happens, i will have some regular cash flow back again soon, so that is good.
However in other news...
1- im not depressed per se- like i'm not suicidal or crying or hating myself, but the past few days have been total sludge for me. I slept i think 20 hours yesterday. And i slept until 2 today. and i slept most of friday. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! i CAN NOT do anything! I haven't even been to my own studio, or showered or anything. It's like i'm sick, but i'm not sick. I'm sure it's my mind, my depression, but god damn it. No amount of caffeine is curing it. WTF.
2- Oh the joys of having an irritable bowel...
It's not all diarrhea people. Sometimes it's nothing at all, and that is great until you realize that you haven't pooped in 5 days, and oh hey maybe that's a problem. It is. Trust me, it is. I mean those first few carefree days are great. But then the harsh reality sets in and you realize that you have a problem. And maybe that's why you're all bloated and have a headache. Constipation is NO FUN people- i always eat my fruit and get tons of fiber and drink water... but sometimes it happens anyways. And long story short, i am prepared for the pains of childbirth now should i ever decide to undertake that. At least it didn't land me in the hospital (yes i have read accounts of people being so backed up and in so much pain they went to the ER and in some cases had to be manually deobstipated. Yes that's exactly what you think it is.) However, give it a day, i'm sure i'll be back to diarrhea again. *shrug* grumble.... My body does not behave. The more i have to deal with talking about it and seeing it on paper (from these unemployment things) the more i realize, YEAH, IT IS A DISEASE! THIS FREAKIN' SUCKS! WHAT THE HELL! and sometimes even though you do the things you're supposed to do and eat right and take your fiber, sometimes it decides to fuck with you anyway. It is "irritable" after all. It just gets pissed off for no reason and does whatever the fuck it wants. Irritable is a good way to describe it. My colon is a grumpy old man who hates everything.