Christmas Special- The Flavour of Life. [Dir en grey]
I sat down on my bed, alone. I’m just out of the shower, the droplets freshly and freely run down my neck against my clean skin. I somehow think how it’s like tears of my hair. It just seems so depressing. Although it is Christmas eve, I still cant shake these feelings away. I’m torn between two different people, two very important people in my life. And this event just mixes everything up inside me as if I’m about to combust with a mountain load of emotions. If only it was that easy, to let off some steam and everything would be normal again. Sitting here, I gently slip my fingers through my hair, remembering in the memories we shared together. All those times we played, fought, laughed in each others company. The many times I sat on that abandoned exercising machine you had cluttered up in the garage beside my old drum set. You faithfully tried your best to play and amuse me, my cheek rested against the cold handle, rising as a smile graced upon my face. That flawless smile adorning yours, it flashes into my mind. Why must you be so similar to me, both of you. It hurts, so much that I’m confused to such an extent. I can’t live on like this, if I were to disappear from your lives, would this be cleared?
I smile sadly, blinking. That time we sat in your living room, I set my legs over yours and we shared a blanket to keep the heat. I poked your sides as you teased me then you started to tickle my delicate knees. And the best part was; the television was on mute the entire time. Our laughter, enjoyment, love…. Could be heard.
Then there’s you. The other. I looked forward to seeing you in school every single day. To be honest, you were what kept me going, my own dose of energy. Even though you were a pervert, probably the biggest one I’ve ever met I loved every minute I had with you. Yet there were times I would just want to hit you but to no prevail you confused me even more with your laughs and constant teasing. Just because I was younger or less confident. Others would see this as a form of bullying but to me…. I cherished this. So much it’s unbearable to my own thoughts. You’d walk home with me, not every day. You had your friends. That always got me thinking; what was I? You’d blurt out that you’d be waiting for me after my maths class, every Tuesday evening. That was about 2 hours after school ended. Yet, you waited, you really did. You really were always there. Maybe not at the best of times but it still counts. Whenever I’d spend lunch by myself in the art room, to avoid everyone else. You’d always come round, clapping and smiling widely, even though you’d make excuses why you were there. You couldn’t fool me or the others. They always teased us when we were together. There’s been times were you tolerate it or even …blush? I’m not exactly sure. You really are a big idiot.
I guess…this is why I’m alone, right now. I couldn’t stop thinking about you both, I felt guilt in it all. I felt as if I was betraying, cheating on you both. Though we never actually had anything together for sure. I liked the thought but I didn’t. I want to forget, erase everything so I can live on without any regrets, worrying if either of you are with someone else, make fun of me. All I can do, is sit here and wait. I wanted to see one of you today, you both know this. I made it very clear. Who will show the most care so I can put my mind at ease. Please…..just one… appear before me…please?
The many hours have passed, my hair has finally dried out, I’ve just laid here for the past few hours, not moving one inch of any limb. it’s almost 12 am. Letting out a sigh, I feel like giving up. Just until the bedroom door slams open against my wall, probably leaving a dent. I push myself up to kneel on my bed, my eyes open wide as they possibly can, staring at the man in front of me. The one….The one for me. He walks over to me, panting harshly, his hand raised to my cheek, caressing the bone gently. He openly smiles before he leans in close to me, his head rests against mine. One last tear of hair drops onto the back of my hand as everything goes mute. All but only my voice audible.
“…………..Die.”
I smile sadly, blinking. That time we sat in your living room, I set my legs over yours and we shared a blanket to keep the heat. I poked your sides as you teased me then you started to tickle my delicate knees. And the best part was; the television was on mute the entire time. Our laughter, enjoyment, love…. Could be heard.
Then there’s you. The other. I looked forward to seeing you in school every single day. To be honest, you were what kept me going, my own dose of energy. Even though you were a pervert, probably the biggest one I’ve ever met I loved every minute I had with you. Yet there were times I would just want to hit you but to no prevail you confused me even more with your laughs and constant teasing. Just because I was younger or less confident. Others would see this as a form of bullying but to me…. I cherished this. So much it’s unbearable to my own thoughts. You’d walk home with me, not every day. You had your friends. That always got me thinking; what was I? You’d blurt out that you’d be waiting for me after my maths class, every Tuesday evening. That was about 2 hours after school ended. Yet, you waited, you really did. You really were always there. Maybe not at the best of times but it still counts. Whenever I’d spend lunch by myself in the art room, to avoid everyone else. You’d always come round, clapping and smiling widely, even though you’d make excuses why you were there. You couldn’t fool me or the others. They always teased us when we were together. There’s been times were you tolerate it or even …blush? I’m not exactly sure. You really are a big idiot.
I guess…this is why I’m alone, right now. I couldn’t stop thinking about you both, I felt guilt in it all. I felt as if I was betraying, cheating on you both. Though we never actually had anything together for sure. I liked the thought but I didn’t. I want to forget, erase everything so I can live on without any regrets, worrying if either of you are with someone else, make fun of me. All I can do, is sit here and wait. I wanted to see one of you today, you both know this. I made it very clear. Who will show the most care so I can put my mind at ease. Please…..just one… appear before me…please?
The many hours have passed, my hair has finally dried out, I’ve just laid here for the past few hours, not moving one inch of any limb. it’s almost 12 am. Letting out a sigh, I feel like giving up. Just until the bedroom door slams open against my wall, probably leaving a dent. I push myself up to kneel on my bed, my eyes open wide as they possibly can, staring at the man in front of me. The one….The one for me. He walks over to me, panting harshly, his hand raised to my cheek, caressing the bone gently. He openly smiles before he leans in close to me, his head rests against mine. One last tear of hair drops onto the back of my hand as everything goes mute. All but only my voice audible.
“…………..Die.”