what to do...
I've been thinking about this alot recently. I'm in the middle of finishing my application to grad school, but I keep putting off finishing the app. I've already met with the people at the school but I havent been able to pull my focus together long enough to complete it and to sign up for the GMATs. Every time I get around to doing it, I get distracted and start day dreaming. Maybe it has to do with recent events in my life and is causing me to hesitate on completing it. I think subconsciously, I am fighting off putting more roots down that will anchor me to one place.
I mean I already have my home and a new job, all within the last 7 months. Some pretty big things but things I know I could always change if I needed or wanted to. But, going to school would be a different thing. If I were to commit to going and getting my MBA, I know my future would exponentially open up. But it would limit me and anchor me to one place for the next few years, which reduces my ability to change things up when I want. This would mean no travelling for long vacations or being able to take off on a whim.
I like change, but at the same time change scares me. Almost as much as being in one place for too long. Maybe thats why I've always been ok with not having to commit to a relationship, even though thats the one thing I deeply want. Can you tell I'm confused. I feel that I know what direction my life is going in, but at the same time I feel that I need some serious guidance. Driving in to work today, I thought that maybe grad school isnt the right thing for me at this time, even though I know that it would be the right thing for me pursue. I fear that my lack of focus would cause me to fail miserably.
I need to focus and figure out what I need to do, and I dont think being inebriated all weekend helped me get my focus, thanks spd06rcr. In the past, running used to be something that would help me refocus my thoughts. It would be the one time in my day, where nothing else could influence my decisions. When I lived in the city, I used to run to one place where I knew I could sit and watch the sunset. I used to have my run marked off with landmarks and so I knew what I would expect as I passed them. First would be the area where all the rollerskaters were, then I would run pass the museums and the botanical gardens, then I would see the the large picnic areas, then there would be a slight downhill on the road as I passed the pond with the remote control boats. Then came the buffalo hold(I used to try to run faster since it smelled a little like a cow field), from here I knew I was in the home stretch since all I had left was the golf course. One right hand turn later, I would come up on the little dutch flower garden with the giant windmill, as soon as I passed I knew I was almost there since I could start smelling the salt air and I could hear the crashing of the surf. One slight bend in the road and there it was, the pacific ocean. I would walk through the sand and stretch for a little bit before the sun would completely go down. Then I would realize that I was only half way done with my run, since it was time to head home. But it was that short hour run where everything in my life seemed to be in place. I knew what I could expect out of myself and my surroundings. It used to give me confidence.
Lately I have started running again, my endurance is no where near what it used to be but its starting to get there. I can tell that with each stride I'm getting stronger, with each stride my confidence is starting to build again. I'm hoping that with each stride my life and focus start to take shape again.
I mean I already have my home and a new job, all within the last 7 months. Some pretty big things but things I know I could always change if I needed or wanted to. But, going to school would be a different thing. If I were to commit to going and getting my MBA, I know my future would exponentially open up. But it would limit me and anchor me to one place for the next few years, which reduces my ability to change things up when I want. This would mean no travelling for long vacations or being able to take off on a whim.
I like change, but at the same time change scares me. Almost as much as being in one place for too long. Maybe thats why I've always been ok with not having to commit to a relationship, even though thats the one thing I deeply want. Can you tell I'm confused. I feel that I know what direction my life is going in, but at the same time I feel that I need some serious guidance. Driving in to work today, I thought that maybe grad school isnt the right thing for me at this time, even though I know that it would be the right thing for me pursue. I fear that my lack of focus would cause me to fail miserably.
I need to focus and figure out what I need to do, and I dont think being inebriated all weekend helped me get my focus, thanks spd06rcr. In the past, running used to be something that would help me refocus my thoughts. It would be the one time in my day, where nothing else could influence my decisions. When I lived in the city, I used to run to one place where I knew I could sit and watch the sunset. I used to have my run marked off with landmarks and so I knew what I would expect as I passed them. First would be the area where all the rollerskaters were, then I would run pass the museums and the botanical gardens, then I would see the the large picnic areas, then there would be a slight downhill on the road as I passed the pond with the remote control boats. Then came the buffalo hold(I used to try to run faster since it smelled a little like a cow field), from here I knew I was in the home stretch since all I had left was the golf course. One right hand turn later, I would come up on the little dutch flower garden with the giant windmill, as soon as I passed I knew I was almost there since I could start smelling the salt air and I could hear the crashing of the surf. One slight bend in the road and there it was, the pacific ocean. I would walk through the sand and stretch for a little bit before the sun would completely go down. Then I would realize that I was only half way done with my run, since it was time to head home. But it was that short hour run where everything in my life seemed to be in place. I knew what I could expect out of myself and my surroundings. It used to give me confidence.
Lately I have started running again, my endurance is no where near what it used to be but its starting to get there. I can tell that with each stride I'm getting stronger, with each stride my confidence is starting to build again. I'm hoping that with each stride my life and focus start to take shape again.