I am tired.
So, my stomach issues have mostly subsided, but the general ick feeling hasn't. My throat stuff has only worsened, but mostly in the morning, so I'm pretty sure that it can only get progressively more irritating.
I'm sleepy, but, of course, I can't sleep. We looked at a house today, the one next door to where I live now. It was really nice, and it's exciting to look at new places, but I don't think, financially, we're all stable enough to afford it. With bad credit left and right, and no full time jobs, we're about as sol as it gets. But, y'know, I deal with it.
Wells Fargo called me today, and I have a group interview on Thursday. No promises-- it's group, so you never know. They have a 'no bias based on gender identity' policy, and I know they're into diversity, so maybe that will be a plus. That, or I'll just show up with a good hair cut and a big smile, and customer service they don't see every day, and they'll hire me. If there's one thing that I can do, it's customer service just about everyone out of a job. How do you think I got hired at American Eagle?
Hot Dog on a Stick is a great place, but with a full time job, I don't know if I'll keep it or not. It's fifty fifty, because I made an obligation to Sara, but at the same time, they told me thirty hours a week and I'm looking at ten, at best. At eight fifty an hour, without the raises I've been promised, I don't really know what to do or say.
I can't live on that kind of wage, and they know it. Maybe that's why they're all nervous. That, and I'm sick about twenty four seven, now.
But enough about my factual mumbo jumbo.
Y'know, I think I've got it figured out. I realized what it is about people like her that really interest me the most. It's like, that challenge. That drive that pushes me to try harder. I always liked it best that way, regardless of who it is. Not too much, because I know that I'd probably give up, but not really. It's not easy with people like her. And I realize that she strikes a strong resemblance to a few important people in my life. I just remember trying so hard to work myself into her lyrics-- and I wished so hard to fit in there for so long, that when I was finally in them, it was better than any certificate or medal I could have received. It was better than that first triumphant lay, that when you go out the door in the morning, you utter your own pats on the back.
I don't know how, but she makes this tiny impact on me that confuses me. Like that girl at Taco Bell that gives me really good customer service or the customer that leaves me a tip.
Jenni called last night looking for a place to stay. I was at Jessie's. Jessie offered her couch to her, which I thought was very nice. That girl is so kind, sometimes I think it's to a fault. Her heart is too big for her chest, and at times I imagine that it is going to pop out. She declined the invitation and told me she'd tell me what was going on when she had the opportunity. No call. Kind of worried, but at the same time, I've taught myself not to waste my worries on her. I spent far too long attempting to show her that my investment in her meant something, that now, as attempted friends, I think that part of me is vacant to her starvation for attention.
I am taking the firefighter test in August, if they choose me. I'm a little worried, because I don't think I'll pass the physical part, and I took a practice test and didn't do very well. But I think that's do to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and had about an hour and a half of sleep under my belt. There was a fire down the street today and I hung out to eyeball what the firefighters were doing. It's really cool-- I really hope I get accepted. It would be a good experience. Something to get me through the winter.
And it's gonna be a long winter, if I can't get outta here. (Maybe if I cross my fingers...)
I think my family is falling apart, sometimes. No, actually, I'm sure it is. And it's all due to one person, and she knows it. And she's tearing everyone into pieces, and she knows it. And she's pushing me out of the house, and she knows it. And I'm pretty sure that it's how she gets her kicks. Today I overheard that they were paying for her insurance. They wouldn't pay for my insurance, so I had to sell the car.
Yet, they'll pay for my 25 year old sister's insurance because she thought it would be a great plan to quit her great job to work at Pizza Hut. No, wait, they were paying for it then, too. And they paid for her car, then, as well. The fucker has the gall to make everyone miserable, but they still pay her doctor's bills and give her sympathy as she crushes their chests and she dances ontop of them.
Fucker fucker fucker.
I'm moving out because of her. We got in a big fight, and I kind of lost it. That hasn't happened in months. But I realized she, as well as Jenni, is my trigger and that I can't stand to be around her.
Whatever.
Apparently this is the longest entry ever (which I don't think is true), but honestly it is. Time to log off and try to get some sleep.
It's a beautiful day to save a life.
Let's do it, people.
I'm sleepy, but, of course, I can't sleep. We looked at a house today, the one next door to where I live now. It was really nice, and it's exciting to look at new places, but I don't think, financially, we're all stable enough to afford it. With bad credit left and right, and no full time jobs, we're about as sol as it gets. But, y'know, I deal with it.
Wells Fargo called me today, and I have a group interview on Thursday. No promises-- it's group, so you never know. They have a 'no bias based on gender identity' policy, and I know they're into diversity, so maybe that will be a plus. That, or I'll just show up with a good hair cut and a big smile, and customer service they don't see every day, and they'll hire me. If there's one thing that I can do, it's customer service just about everyone out of a job. How do you think I got hired at American Eagle?
Hot Dog on a Stick is a great place, but with a full time job, I don't know if I'll keep it or not. It's fifty fifty, because I made an obligation to Sara, but at the same time, they told me thirty hours a week and I'm looking at ten, at best. At eight fifty an hour, without the raises I've been promised, I don't really know what to do or say.
I can't live on that kind of wage, and they know it. Maybe that's why they're all nervous. That, and I'm sick about twenty four seven, now.
But enough about my factual mumbo jumbo.
Y'know, I think I've got it figured out. I realized what it is about people like her that really interest me the most. It's like, that challenge. That drive that pushes me to try harder. I always liked it best that way, regardless of who it is. Not too much, because I know that I'd probably give up, but not really. It's not easy with people like her. And I realize that she strikes a strong resemblance to a few important people in my life. I just remember trying so hard to work myself into her lyrics-- and I wished so hard to fit in there for so long, that when I was finally in them, it was better than any certificate or medal I could have received. It was better than that first triumphant lay, that when you go out the door in the morning, you utter your own pats on the back.
I don't know how, but she makes this tiny impact on me that confuses me. Like that girl at Taco Bell that gives me really good customer service or the customer that leaves me a tip.
Jenni called last night looking for a place to stay. I was at Jessie's. Jessie offered her couch to her, which I thought was very nice. That girl is so kind, sometimes I think it's to a fault. Her heart is too big for her chest, and at times I imagine that it is going to pop out. She declined the invitation and told me she'd tell me what was going on when she had the opportunity. No call. Kind of worried, but at the same time, I've taught myself not to waste my worries on her. I spent far too long attempting to show her that my investment in her meant something, that now, as attempted friends, I think that part of me is vacant to her starvation for attention.
I am taking the firefighter test in August, if they choose me. I'm a little worried, because I don't think I'll pass the physical part, and I took a practice test and didn't do very well. But I think that's do to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and had about an hour and a half of sleep under my belt. There was a fire down the street today and I hung out to eyeball what the firefighters were doing. It's really cool-- I really hope I get accepted. It would be a good experience. Something to get me through the winter.
And it's gonna be a long winter, if I can't get outta here. (Maybe if I cross my fingers...)
I think my family is falling apart, sometimes. No, actually, I'm sure it is. And it's all due to one person, and she knows it. And she's tearing everyone into pieces, and she knows it. And she's pushing me out of the house, and she knows it. And I'm pretty sure that it's how she gets her kicks. Today I overheard that they were paying for her insurance. They wouldn't pay for my insurance, so I had to sell the car.
Yet, they'll pay for my 25 year old sister's insurance because she thought it would be a great plan to quit her great job to work at Pizza Hut. No, wait, they were paying for it then, too. And they paid for her car, then, as well. The fucker has the gall to make everyone miserable, but they still pay her doctor's bills and give her sympathy as she crushes their chests and she dances ontop of them.
Fucker fucker fucker.
I'm moving out because of her. We got in a big fight, and I kind of lost it. That hasn't happened in months. But I realized she, as well as Jenni, is my trigger and that I can't stand to be around her.
Whatever.
Apparently this is the longest entry ever (which I don't think is true), but honestly it is. Time to log off and try to get some sleep.
It's a beautiful day to save a life.
Let's do it, people.