'cause baby, you're a firework.
title: the last last time
group: SHINee
pairing: jonghyun/key
rating: NC-17
summary: because love doesn’t always mean staying. sometimes, love means something much stronger than that.
notes: you guys are going to kill me for saying this, but key is actually my least favorite member. that being said, though, he still has several good points that i try not to overlook. i tried to express that here. *fail*
The impact of being slammed against the wall doesn’t even faze Kibum. All he can register is the heat, the delicious friction, and Jonghyun’s breath against his skin as he runs his tongue along the shell of his ear.
“This is the last time, I swear,” Jonghyun declares hoarsely, but Kibum doesn’t have the heart to believe him anymore. He’s completely drained of his fight. Jonghyun has said that so many times-this is going to be the last, I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, you’re all I want, but I can’t be with you-Kibum’s become immune to those words. The only thing he’ll respond to is Jonghyun saying he’s finally leaving her.
He blindly grabs the older man’s shoulders, unable to suppress his shout as Jonghyun swiftly enters him. It’s so familiar-he knows this man, he knows him, down to his quirks and favorite food and how long it takes for him to peak-
Then why hasn’t Jonghyun chosen him?
Because he’s a man. Because it’s morally wrong. Because he has a wife.
And what’s Kibum left with?
He shouts again when Jonghyun takes him in his hand, pumping him to the same tempo as his thrusts. Kibum can do nothing but support himself against the wall, legs wrapped about Jonghyun’s waist, keeping his eyes squeezed shut-because he can’t do this for much longer, God, he’s breaking, he’s sure of it-just seeing Jonghyun’s face would be enough to trigger the tears that he saves for when he’s completely and utterly (utterly, utterly) alone.
I love you, I love you so much I could die, I love you so much that I would commit every sin in the world, if that meant you’d be mine.
“Ah…Ki…Kibu-” Jonghyun can’t even finish his name before he comes. Kibum feels his open mouth lingering above the curve of his neck-you can bite it if you want to-his hot breath splaying over his skin. All movement stops-his hips, his hand-and Kibum freezes with him, feeling his muscles tense and his body tipping over the edge.
Kibum’s the only one who can make him feel this way. If his wife could make him perspire like that, could make him rough in bed, could make his legs buckle from under him when he comes, then he wouldn’t be here right now. He’s with Kibum for a reason.
They’re lying on the floor, now. Kibum doesn’t even care for the goosebumps on his arms, because Jonghyun is lying on top of him, head on his chest and breathing calmly. Kibum’s fingers gently comb through his hair, again and again and again (because I’d always be gentle, I’d always be there, I would never let you down the way she has), breathing in his scent, smelling of sweat and sex and just Jonghyun-
“Don’t go.” His voice is quiet as he whispers the words. “Please, don’t.”
It’s a moment before the older man mumbles, “I’ve never left.”
“This isn’t really the last time, is it?”
Jonghyun lifts himself up so he can kiss Kibum. It’s a long and sensual kiss, and it only feels like they’re making love right now-a slow swipe of tongue across lips, the gentle caressing of the face-and it’s so deep and precious that Kibum almost cries.
When Jonghyun pulls away, a little out of breath, he presses his forehead to Kibum’s. “I hope it is.”
-
It isn’t.
-
“Ah, Hyung…could you please stop looking so depressed? You’ll get wrinkles early on.”
“I probably already have them,” Kibum grumbles to himself, not caring for once that he’s jeopardizing his appearances. The dewy grass underneath his back is cold and damp, but it keeps him awake, and that’s enough.
Taemin, who’s lying beside him and staring up at the stars with him, sighs. “Nothing’s going to come of this, I hope you know.”
“And nothing’s going to come out of you not asking that girl out.”
“Stop changing the topic. We’re talking about you, remember?”
“No, I don’t.” Kibum stares at the sky, wondering how it could be so clear, and the stars so bright, when it feels like everything else in his life is falling apart. In another lifetime, he would be with Jonghyun right now, and they’d be naming constellations, or making wishes, or just lying quietly in each other’s arms, basking in the silence. Kibum is normally a loud and brash person, but Jonghyun calms him in ways that he can’t explain.
When Taemin speaks, his voice is quiet. “What is it that you want, Hyung?”
He closes his eyes for a moment, exhaling slowly. “To be happy. I want to be happy.” He’s sick of waking up with the same weight in the pit of his stomach every morning. He wants to go through one day without feeling like breaking down in the middle of the street and crying.
“Then leave him.”
Kibum’s neck snaps, and he looks over at his friend. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m serious,” the younger man says, keeping his gaze steadily on the stars. “He’s never going to leave you because he loves you, too. You’re hurting more than him, Hyung, and you deserve better. I know that it feels impossible to leave him, but I know you can. You’re strong. And for the record…” It’s then that Taemin grins a little wryly. “I think Jonghyun-hyung’s a little bit of an asshole anyway.”
Kibum can’t help but laugh softly at that. “Yeah,” he agrees. “That’s true.”
“So just…leave him. It’s painful to see you like this.”
He wants to stop the silent tears from overflowing, but it’s already too late. “Yeah. It’s painful for me, too.” But leaving someone isn’t so easy-not when you thought that you’d be spending the rest of your life with him.
Kibum had planned out his entire life for him, and Jonghyun turned his back on him.
-
He gasps and grabs the sheets desperately when he feels searing heat enclose around his shaft. Jonghyun knows exactly where to press his tongue harder, where to gently scrape his teeth-
His back arches off the bed when he comes, determined to swallow back his long moan.
Walking away from this…
Jonghyun crawls up to kiss him, and Kibum can taste himself on his lips. He kisses back fiercely, wondering why time can’t just stop right now, why they can’t just be together like this, always, forever-
“I love you,” Jonghyun whispers, staring right into his eyes, making him swallow. “I really do.”
…how does he do that?
Kibum turns his head to the side, and when he blinks, the tears overflow, rolling down onto the pillow. “So what?”
“What do you mean?”
“So what if you love me, Jjong? What are you going to do about it?” He can’t even bear looking at him. Looking at him will just make him lose his train of thought, and he’ll just get lost in his eyes again and think that maybe it’s okay, this is okay, that he can live like this-“Do you just expect me to always be here, waiting for you to need me?”
“But I always need you.” Jonghyun’s hands are gentle as he wipes his tears away.
“Then leave her.”
“I can’t do that-you know that.” The older man presses a gentle kiss to Kibum’s temple, before sitting up, taking his hand, and kissing his knuckles next. Kibum’s heart clenches painfully.
This is the last time. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready yet. (He’ll never be ready.) He doesn’t want to be like Jonghyun-saying that it’s the last, but then going back on his words. He almost hates hypocrites as much as he loves Jonghyun.
“Yeah. I know.”
So Kibum breathes in slowly and swallows back the words.
-
He’s out shopping when he sees them.
“Ah, Kibum!” It’s her that spots him first-and he can’t even bring himself to hate her, because she is a lovely and beautiful woman who tries hard for Jonghyun, who does everything she can-it’s just that everything she does is not enough, never enough. “What a coincidence, seeing you here!”
“Oh, yeah,” he replies, forcing a smile. “Are you with Hyung?”
“Yeah-he’s just looking for some ice cream right now.” She shakes her head. “You know how he is.”
Yeah. I do know how he is. I know him a lot better than you do.
“How’s the baby coming along?” he asks, making small talk. The bump is clearly visible now-she’s about five months in. Five months in, and a lifetime to go.
“Good.” She strokes her belly tenderly. “She’s going to be healthy, that’s for sure. My ankles are already swelling a little. And the morning sickness-I suppose that’s a good sign, isn’t it?” Her smile is as sweet as honey.
“You’re sure it’s a girl?”
“Mother’s intuition. Do you want to touch her?”
Kibum blinks, surprised. “I’m allowed to?” But then again, why wouldn’t he be? To her, he’s just Jonghyun’s childhood friend, best friend-not the dirty mistress that her husband is sleeping with behind her back.
“Sure, why not?” She takes his hand and places it on her belly. “Whenever she kicks, it’s right here…” For a moment, both of them remain silent. Her belly under his palm is warm, and when a few seconds pass, he can feel a kick. “See? She’s really feisty. She’ll probably grow up being a really good athlete, or something. I can already see it.”
Kibum is actually touched. To actually feel the life inside of her-she’s growing another human in her belly-is completely different from just talking about it. It’s real, he realizes-this life, this family that she and Jonghyun have built.
He tears up, but he isn’t sure for what reason.
It’s then that the older man returns, with a tub of ice cream in his hands. “Oh, Kibum-ah! You’re here?”
“No, obviously I’m not,” he replies sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
“Hah, you’re so funny.”
Kibum finishes his shopping with the couple (he repeats that word like a mantra: couple, couple, couple-menacing and gnawing at his heart) and smiles and laughs as they part ways, returning to their respective cars.
“Ah, can I steal Hyung for dinner tonight?” he calls out to her before he’s out of their earshot.
She smiles. “I don’t see why not. I’ll go visit my parents tonight, then.”
“Thanks as always!” He beams right back at her.
But when he turns away, he closes his eyes and fights to keep his breathing steady.
-
“Wow, this is unlike you,” Jonghyun says as he indulges himself in his food. “When was the last time we had a proper date?”
Too long ago, Kibum thinks, but he keeps that to himself. “Well, as long as you like it.”
“We should do this more often! Oh, but I’ll treat you, too-or else your wallet would be empty, wouldn’t it?”
“Mm.” Key pushes his scallops around in his plate, really not feeling like eating. Instead, he takes a sip of his wine-he’ll need it for later. He’s already feeling a little warm (Jonghyun has always made fun of him for being a lightweight), and he stares at the older man openly, admiring the way his hair falls into his eyes.
He’s always been breathtakingly beautiful.
“What cake should I choose?” Jonghyun asks, contemplating as he flips through the dessert menu.
“None,” Kibum deadpans, taking the menu out of his hands.
“Huh? Why not?”
“Because I’m broke. Well, that, and I already made dessert for you back home.”
Jonghyun’s eyes are twinkling with mischief. “So we’re going back to your place?”
Kibum rolls his eyes. “Hasn’t it always been that way?” It’s not like we could go back to your place-where your wife is, where you should be.
“Tch.” The older man looks away. “Why are you so cranky today?”
“I’m not!”
Being cranky sounds good. Being cranky sounds very good, compared to being broken.
So Kibum pays for the food, and they head back to his place. He’s driving, and Jonghyun is singing along to some song on the radio. He’s always had a lovely voice-unique, strong, and an element all its own.
“So what’s for dessert?” the older man asks when they return to Kibum’s home. “It’s you, isn’t it? And a can of whipped cream.”
“Pie, actually.” Kibum makes his way to the kitchen, where the apple pie is sitting on the counter, freshly baked from earlier this afternoon. He can remember making it very clearly-because for the two hours it took to put it together and sit in front of the oven, watching it bake, he’s been trying his best to smile, to look at the brighter side of the situation.
(Except all he can see is darkness, darkness, and more darkness.)
“Seriously? You actually made food?” Jonghyun stares at him in bewilderment. “Okay, dude. What’s wrong?”
“Just eat,” Kibum chastises, hoping that he’s pulling off the indifferent act well. “Tell me what you think.”
“It’s probably good,” he replies, waving it off. “C’mon. I’m horny.”
He can’t help but laugh in exasperation. “You’re always so impatient.”
Jonghyun grins, and approaches Kibum like a predator would approach its prey. Kibum thinks it’s sexy. “Only for you.”
Their mouths collide, and Kibum can feel the sparks, can feel the electricity shooting up his spine, shaking his very soul. Jonghyun’s a part of him-ever since they met as children, when they grew up as adolescents, when they’re struggling to survive now as adults. Jonghyun has slipped into Kibum’s every thought, every action, every habit. Jonghyun defines him.
But after tonight, Kibum will begin defining himself.
“Jjong,” he breathes, feeling his self-control slipping away, feeling the older man’s rough fingers tweaking his nipples, feeling his heart break in his ribcage-“this is the last time.”
Jonghyun pauses, only for the smallest of moments, before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “Right,” he says, disbelieving.
Little does he know that Kibum means it.
-
Taemin continues watching bleakly as his hyung finishes devouring another slice of cake. “You’re going to get fat,” he tells him gently.
“I don’t care,” Kibum says, mouth still full. “Calories from comfort food don’t count.”
The younger man stares at him, brow furrowed. “You’ll be okay, right?”
Kibum licks his lips, tasting the sweetness of the icing, the saltiness of his tears. He laughs, although a little breathily, a little shakily, a little uncertainly.
“Of course. What do you take me for?”
I love you. I love you so much I could die.
But I have to love myself more.
group: SHINee
pairing: jonghyun/key
rating: NC-17
summary: because love doesn’t always mean staying. sometimes, love means something much stronger than that.
notes: you guys are going to kill me for saying this, but key is actually my least favorite member. that being said, though, he still has several good points that i try not to overlook. i tried to express that here. *fail*
The impact of being slammed against the wall doesn’t even faze Kibum. All he can register is the heat, the delicious friction, and Jonghyun’s breath against his skin as he runs his tongue along the shell of his ear.
“This is the last time, I swear,” Jonghyun declares hoarsely, but Kibum doesn’t have the heart to believe him anymore. He’s completely drained of his fight. Jonghyun has said that so many times-this is going to be the last, I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, you’re all I want, but I can’t be with you-Kibum’s become immune to those words. The only thing he’ll respond to is Jonghyun saying he’s finally leaving her.
He blindly grabs the older man’s shoulders, unable to suppress his shout as Jonghyun swiftly enters him. It’s so familiar-he knows this man, he knows him, down to his quirks and favorite food and how long it takes for him to peak-
Then why hasn’t Jonghyun chosen him?
Because he’s a man. Because it’s morally wrong. Because he has a wife.
And what’s Kibum left with?
He shouts again when Jonghyun takes him in his hand, pumping him to the same tempo as his thrusts. Kibum can do nothing but support himself against the wall, legs wrapped about Jonghyun’s waist, keeping his eyes squeezed shut-because he can’t do this for much longer, God, he’s breaking, he’s sure of it-just seeing Jonghyun’s face would be enough to trigger the tears that he saves for when he’s completely and utterly (utterly, utterly) alone.
I love you, I love you so much I could die, I love you so much that I would commit every sin in the world, if that meant you’d be mine.
“Ah…Ki…Kibu-” Jonghyun can’t even finish his name before he comes. Kibum feels his open mouth lingering above the curve of his neck-you can bite it if you want to-his hot breath splaying over his skin. All movement stops-his hips, his hand-and Kibum freezes with him, feeling his muscles tense and his body tipping over the edge.
Kibum’s the only one who can make him feel this way. If his wife could make him perspire like that, could make him rough in bed, could make his legs buckle from under him when he comes, then he wouldn’t be here right now. He’s with Kibum for a reason.
They’re lying on the floor, now. Kibum doesn’t even care for the goosebumps on his arms, because Jonghyun is lying on top of him, head on his chest and breathing calmly. Kibum’s fingers gently comb through his hair, again and again and again (because I’d always be gentle, I’d always be there, I would never let you down the way she has), breathing in his scent, smelling of sweat and sex and just Jonghyun-
“Don’t go.” His voice is quiet as he whispers the words. “Please, don’t.”
It’s a moment before the older man mumbles, “I’ve never left.”
“This isn’t really the last time, is it?”
Jonghyun lifts himself up so he can kiss Kibum. It’s a long and sensual kiss, and it only feels like they’re making love right now-a slow swipe of tongue across lips, the gentle caressing of the face-and it’s so deep and precious that Kibum almost cries.
When Jonghyun pulls away, a little out of breath, he presses his forehead to Kibum’s. “I hope it is.”
-
It isn’t.
-
“Ah, Hyung…could you please stop looking so depressed? You’ll get wrinkles early on.”
“I probably already have them,” Kibum grumbles to himself, not caring for once that he’s jeopardizing his appearances. The dewy grass underneath his back is cold and damp, but it keeps him awake, and that’s enough.
Taemin, who’s lying beside him and staring up at the stars with him, sighs. “Nothing’s going to come of this, I hope you know.”
“And nothing’s going to come out of you not asking that girl out.”
“Stop changing the topic. We’re talking about you, remember?”
“No, I don’t.” Kibum stares at the sky, wondering how it could be so clear, and the stars so bright, when it feels like everything else in his life is falling apart. In another lifetime, he would be with Jonghyun right now, and they’d be naming constellations, or making wishes, or just lying quietly in each other’s arms, basking in the silence. Kibum is normally a loud and brash person, but Jonghyun calms him in ways that he can’t explain.
When Taemin speaks, his voice is quiet. “What is it that you want, Hyung?”
He closes his eyes for a moment, exhaling slowly. “To be happy. I want to be happy.” He’s sick of waking up with the same weight in the pit of his stomach every morning. He wants to go through one day without feeling like breaking down in the middle of the street and crying.
“Then leave him.”
Kibum’s neck snaps, and he looks over at his friend. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m serious,” the younger man says, keeping his gaze steadily on the stars. “He’s never going to leave you because he loves you, too. You’re hurting more than him, Hyung, and you deserve better. I know that it feels impossible to leave him, but I know you can. You’re strong. And for the record…” It’s then that Taemin grins a little wryly. “I think Jonghyun-hyung’s a little bit of an asshole anyway.”
Kibum can’t help but laugh softly at that. “Yeah,” he agrees. “That’s true.”
“So just…leave him. It’s painful to see you like this.”
He wants to stop the silent tears from overflowing, but it’s already too late. “Yeah. It’s painful for me, too.” But leaving someone isn’t so easy-not when you thought that you’d be spending the rest of your life with him.
Kibum had planned out his entire life for him, and Jonghyun turned his back on him.
-
He gasps and grabs the sheets desperately when he feels searing heat enclose around his shaft. Jonghyun knows exactly where to press his tongue harder, where to gently scrape his teeth-
His back arches off the bed when he comes, determined to swallow back his long moan.
Walking away from this…
Jonghyun crawls up to kiss him, and Kibum can taste himself on his lips. He kisses back fiercely, wondering why time can’t just stop right now, why they can’t just be together like this, always, forever-
“I love you,” Jonghyun whispers, staring right into his eyes, making him swallow. “I really do.”
…how does he do that?
Kibum turns his head to the side, and when he blinks, the tears overflow, rolling down onto the pillow. “So what?”
“What do you mean?”
“So what if you love me, Jjong? What are you going to do about it?” He can’t even bear looking at him. Looking at him will just make him lose his train of thought, and he’ll just get lost in his eyes again and think that maybe it’s okay, this is okay, that he can live like this-“Do you just expect me to always be here, waiting for you to need me?”
“But I always need you.” Jonghyun’s hands are gentle as he wipes his tears away.
“Then leave her.”
“I can’t do that-you know that.” The older man presses a gentle kiss to Kibum’s temple, before sitting up, taking his hand, and kissing his knuckles next. Kibum’s heart clenches painfully.
This is the last time. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready yet. (He’ll never be ready.) He doesn’t want to be like Jonghyun-saying that it’s the last, but then going back on his words. He almost hates hypocrites as much as he loves Jonghyun.
“Yeah. I know.”
So Kibum breathes in slowly and swallows back the words.
-
He’s out shopping when he sees them.
“Ah, Kibum!” It’s her that spots him first-and he can’t even bring himself to hate her, because she is a lovely and beautiful woman who tries hard for Jonghyun, who does everything she can-it’s just that everything she does is not enough, never enough. “What a coincidence, seeing you here!”
“Oh, yeah,” he replies, forcing a smile. “Are you with Hyung?”
“Yeah-he’s just looking for some ice cream right now.” She shakes her head. “You know how he is.”
Yeah. I do know how he is. I know him a lot better than you do.
“How’s the baby coming along?” he asks, making small talk. The bump is clearly visible now-she’s about five months in. Five months in, and a lifetime to go.
“Good.” She strokes her belly tenderly. “She’s going to be healthy, that’s for sure. My ankles are already swelling a little. And the morning sickness-I suppose that’s a good sign, isn’t it?” Her smile is as sweet as honey.
“You’re sure it’s a girl?”
“Mother’s intuition. Do you want to touch her?”
Kibum blinks, surprised. “I’m allowed to?” But then again, why wouldn’t he be? To her, he’s just Jonghyun’s childhood friend, best friend-not the dirty mistress that her husband is sleeping with behind her back.
“Sure, why not?” She takes his hand and places it on her belly. “Whenever she kicks, it’s right here…” For a moment, both of them remain silent. Her belly under his palm is warm, and when a few seconds pass, he can feel a kick. “See? She’s really feisty. She’ll probably grow up being a really good athlete, or something. I can already see it.”
Kibum is actually touched. To actually feel the life inside of her-she’s growing another human in her belly-is completely different from just talking about it. It’s real, he realizes-this life, this family that she and Jonghyun have built.
He tears up, but he isn’t sure for what reason.
It’s then that the older man returns, with a tub of ice cream in his hands. “Oh, Kibum-ah! You’re here?”
“No, obviously I’m not,” he replies sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
“Hah, you’re so funny.”
Kibum finishes his shopping with the couple (he repeats that word like a mantra: couple, couple, couple-menacing and gnawing at his heart) and smiles and laughs as they part ways, returning to their respective cars.
“Ah, can I steal Hyung for dinner tonight?” he calls out to her before he’s out of their earshot.
She smiles. “I don’t see why not. I’ll go visit my parents tonight, then.”
“Thanks as always!” He beams right back at her.
But when he turns away, he closes his eyes and fights to keep his breathing steady.
-
“Wow, this is unlike you,” Jonghyun says as he indulges himself in his food. “When was the last time we had a proper date?”
Too long ago, Kibum thinks, but he keeps that to himself. “Well, as long as you like it.”
“We should do this more often! Oh, but I’ll treat you, too-or else your wallet would be empty, wouldn’t it?”
“Mm.” Key pushes his scallops around in his plate, really not feeling like eating. Instead, he takes a sip of his wine-he’ll need it for later. He’s already feeling a little warm (Jonghyun has always made fun of him for being a lightweight), and he stares at the older man openly, admiring the way his hair falls into his eyes.
He’s always been breathtakingly beautiful.
“What cake should I choose?” Jonghyun asks, contemplating as he flips through the dessert menu.
“None,” Kibum deadpans, taking the menu out of his hands.
“Huh? Why not?”
“Because I’m broke. Well, that, and I already made dessert for you back home.”
Jonghyun’s eyes are twinkling with mischief. “So we’re going back to your place?”
Kibum rolls his eyes. “Hasn’t it always been that way?” It’s not like we could go back to your place-where your wife is, where you should be.
“Tch.” The older man looks away. “Why are you so cranky today?”
“I’m not!”
Being cranky sounds good. Being cranky sounds very good, compared to being broken.
So Kibum pays for the food, and they head back to his place. He’s driving, and Jonghyun is singing along to some song on the radio. He’s always had a lovely voice-unique, strong, and an element all its own.
“So what’s for dessert?” the older man asks when they return to Kibum’s home. “It’s you, isn’t it? And a can of whipped cream.”
“Pie, actually.” Kibum makes his way to the kitchen, where the apple pie is sitting on the counter, freshly baked from earlier this afternoon. He can remember making it very clearly-because for the two hours it took to put it together and sit in front of the oven, watching it bake, he’s been trying his best to smile, to look at the brighter side of the situation.
(Except all he can see is darkness, darkness, and more darkness.)
“Seriously? You actually made food?” Jonghyun stares at him in bewilderment. “Okay, dude. What’s wrong?”
“Just eat,” Kibum chastises, hoping that he’s pulling off the indifferent act well. “Tell me what you think.”
“It’s probably good,” he replies, waving it off. “C’mon. I’m horny.”
He can’t help but laugh in exasperation. “You’re always so impatient.”
Jonghyun grins, and approaches Kibum like a predator would approach its prey. Kibum thinks it’s sexy. “Only for you.”
Their mouths collide, and Kibum can feel the sparks, can feel the electricity shooting up his spine, shaking his very soul. Jonghyun’s a part of him-ever since they met as children, when they grew up as adolescents, when they’re struggling to survive now as adults. Jonghyun has slipped into Kibum’s every thought, every action, every habit. Jonghyun defines him.
But after tonight, Kibum will begin defining himself.
“Jjong,” he breathes, feeling his self-control slipping away, feeling the older man’s rough fingers tweaking his nipples, feeling his heart break in his ribcage-“this is the last time.”
Jonghyun pauses, only for the smallest of moments, before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “Right,” he says, disbelieving.
Little does he know that Kibum means it.
-
Taemin continues watching bleakly as his hyung finishes devouring another slice of cake. “You’re going to get fat,” he tells him gently.
“I don’t care,” Kibum says, mouth still full. “Calories from comfort food don’t count.”
The younger man stares at him, brow furrowed. “You’ll be okay, right?”
Kibum licks his lips, tasting the sweetness of the icing, the saltiness of his tears. He laughs, although a little breathily, a little shakily, a little uncertainly.
“Of course. What do you take me for?”
I love you. I love you so much I could die.
But I have to love myself more.