In the end it doesnt matter...
I try to forget about him and no matter what i do he comes back,killing me slwoly as i think of each thing i love about him,he has hurt me many times and he doesnt care...and it pains me to love him as much as i do..its like i feel as if im going to be stuck being with him forever because i will never find anyone more like me and anyone more then i deserve....Chris made me the way i am...everything about my personality he made...and i hate it now...I hate me...ive never wanted to die more then i do now...anyways...And i cant wait until he gets out...but then i also find myself not wanting him to be out...I hate being the way i am...I hate everything about my personality and i find it difficult to cope with being someone like me...everyone says its all for attention and shit like that but believe me i dont want peoples attention,and i try really hard to hide the fact that i dont want to be here anymore...I dont want to be stuck here anymore bearing the burdon of having me to live with for the rest of eternity.Life is just a big prison...and im serving my time...waiting to get out of this hell hole...but i know its not going to happen anyitme soon unless i do soemthing about it...The only thing im clinging to right now is the thought that i can always depend on the one thing in my life that hasnt turned its back on me...my razorblade people sit there and act high and mighty and tell me not to do it but they dont know how sad i truly am...and how much i want out...Cutting yourself is poetry..its beautiful..and its art..i am not shamed of it...nor will i try to hide it...So when people wonder why i am dead...theyll understand that i was truly unhappy and this is the final step i wanted to take to finish the sadness...Anyways i dont know I guess im leaving now..I have no more to write Goodbye All.