(no subject)
I realized tonight how much I love photography. I love looking at it and I love doing it. I think I should take more pictures, and then post them for you guys to critique. Or maybe I'll just keep them for myself so I can continue to think I'm good at it. Nothing like others' opinions to bring you down.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother writing in here. Actually, I wonder a lot. About nothing and about everything. I wonder how it is that I can wake up each day and go through it. I wonder why I get so annoyed with the little things. I wonder why I miss people that don't miss me. I wonder why I care too much and why I don't care at all. Sometimes I feel like I should be smarter than I am, and then other times I feel like I'm too smart for my own good. I worry how everything that I do and say will affect everyone else, when maybe I should be thinking of myself. I wish I could just hit 20, and then change everything in my past that I regret. I can't have no regrets, no one can. I don't care what anyone says, it's impossible to regret nothing and be happy with all the decisions that you make.
I want to form amazing relationships and lasting friendships, but I wonder how I can do that when I've been hurt so much in most that I've had.
I think about my dad a lot. I think about whether he's a good father or not, and what would make him better. I critisize him all the time for not being there and for not being good enough, but I don't think I would know how to handle him caring as much as he should and always being there. I feel like he's walked all over me my entire life, and what's worse is that I feel like that's my fault for letting him. I've never felt love from him. Wait, correct that, I've felt loved, but not as much as I wish I could. At least not from him. That hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. God I miss him.
I wonder why I'm posting this.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother writing in here. Actually, I wonder a lot. About nothing and about everything. I wonder how it is that I can wake up each day and go through it. I wonder why I get so annoyed with the little things. I wonder why I miss people that don't miss me. I wonder why I care too much and why I don't care at all. Sometimes I feel like I should be smarter than I am, and then other times I feel like I'm too smart for my own good. I worry how everything that I do and say will affect everyone else, when maybe I should be thinking of myself. I wish I could just hit 20, and then change everything in my past that I regret. I can't have no regrets, no one can. I don't care what anyone says, it's impossible to regret nothing and be happy with all the decisions that you make.
I want to form amazing relationships and lasting friendships, but I wonder how I can do that when I've been hurt so much in most that I've had.
I think about my dad a lot. I think about whether he's a good father or not, and what would make him better. I critisize him all the time for not being there and for not being good enough, but I don't think I would know how to handle him caring as much as he should and always being there. I feel like he's walked all over me my entire life, and what's worse is that I feel like that's my fault for letting him. I've never felt love from him. Wait, correct that, I've felt loved, but not as much as I wish I could. At least not from him. That hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. God I miss him.
I wonder why I'm posting this.