update
wow...well i guess this is where either it ends or it starts im not quite sure for some reason...i thought i found the most beautiful girl in my world or the greatest girl to end the best of things with (life)..but i guess i was way to wrong....its been a whole month and let me tell ya things just dont get easier overnight but then again nothing realy changes drasticly overnight..infact i find myself feeling more lonely every day after..and it kinda hurts, knowing , and thinking about the year past...like was it wasted or a learnig experience, and if it was, i sure wish it wouldnt have been with her, but you dont get to pick your lessons they just come and go as they please..at least thats what ive come to relize...ive also learned people have to change for themselves and not for you, otherwise your always open for a relapse of some sort...and i guess im saying this because i tried changering her for the good, always told her how proud i was of her..and i think i have been the only one to ever say that they were proud of her...i honestly think i am the only one of alot of things and i guess thats something she wasnt used to and you always go back to the things your used to...but hopefully one day she'll understand and hopefully its not to late ya know... at one point after this i thought about that saying it is better to love than never love at all...and i said FUCK THAT, AND FUCK LOVE.. then i have thought about it when i was less deppressed and now i think its not realy that bad...i mean for the most part im pretty much over her, i still miss us but not her its complicated but they are 2 differebt things i promise you that....i dont miss her at all...infact i actualy dont even miss us i just miss not being alone...yeah thats really what i meant by that..yeah...being alone sux..but bieng with her sucked a hell of alot more so its safe to say im better off with out that mess...."I AM BETTER OFF WITH OUT YOU"... to continue...i went alantic city with a bunch of friends saturday and sunday..it rocked ...i won 100 and then i lost 80 of it... i had a blast then i came home freshened up and went out to the taking back sunday show with atreyu...that rocked to....and 2 of my friends had birthdays that same night...so happy birthday to my friends...then i had off monday and tuesday what a fucking treat....im so happy for this past week....and just to make life a lil better i am going with 2 friends to see the very last THURSDAY show....they are breaking up after that night....how fucking awsome will that show be...they will play thier very best and it will the best they've ever done...it makes me smile just thinking of it...yes...im happy agian...i love it....good fucking night...and sorry for this long and bortring story i shared with you...lovely..