(no subject)
today i feel as empty as winter.
i know right.
perhaps as bitter
no idea.
i'm not in the mood for playing around. i'm not in the mood for jokes either.
i'm just not in the mood. i'm not quite elisia today.
i've reached an empty limit.
i dont know why i feel so miserable right now. maybe i'm just exhausted. maybe i feel like i'm being held back from myself.
maybe i just miss people who make me feel a little more complete everyday.
like, matt and shawn.
shawn never has time for me. its either hes at work or with his friends..
havent seen him in like..a year, but i dont think he cares enough to see me unless i pry a day out of his busy bee life.
and matt is on vacation till friday.
its felt like a year.. what thef uck am i going to do when i leave..
i cant live without him. hes impacted my entire life. hes why i breathe and i find it so hard while hes gone..
shit.
i recently told him that hes my mentor, someone who has drastically changed my life.
he makes me see what ive never noticed.
i love him. i feel like i love him, but i just deeply care for him.
i dont think he feels that way at all.
actually i know he doesnt.
fuck i'm going otuside for a bit.