(no subject)
a bad day. i didn't want it to be. but i think deep down i'm still upset from this morning. i barely slept. like 2 or 3 hours. if you know me well you know i sleep at least 10 hours or i feel horrible. i've felt nauseous from stress all day. except when i was with Dillon. Dillon gave me the bright eyes cd that has songs from 95-97. cause he's just that great. i feel bad for how icky i've been to him. i haven't been bad. it's just no one likes their personal trainer. they make you feel bad and actually work out harder.
i can't believe the things that were said. i feel so crappy. i wish he wouldb e my friend. i wish i could see him. i'm so angry about it and i don't know who i'm more angry at. me for not being not good enough.. or easy to reject. or him for being so complicated, confused, irrational, and just plain mean. i can't talk to people like i talk to him. and i don't care if i am only his friend that would be nice. more would just complicate everything further.
oh great. i've started crying again. i applied my makeup and i looked really pretty in my mini skirt and sexy tanktop. i got home and i just didn't feel like being pretty. i wanted my outside to reflect how i felt today. so i put on my miami sweatshirt that i wear when i'm cold and my pink shorts. i layed in bed and cried. and now i'm crying.. after i already fixed my make up from the first time. and it's all down my face.
my mom and sister and her husband are coming here tonight. i think it's a ambush lauren into feeling even worse so that she leaves even faster party. i don't want to talk. i don't want to make nice. i want to forget them. i have my dad. he is all i need. they just make my life hell. i could've stayed here longer without their evil words.
i didn't get to see katie again. surprise surprise. i don't know what i do to make my friends so weird. maybe i'm just not cool enough for her new life. or whatever. but either way i'm pretty upset/angry/annoyed.
i get to see rilo kiley in a few hours. and i feel so crappy. i don't know if i can drive that far. it's only like 40 minutes but when you feel like i do even making it from the bed to the floor is almost impossible.
as i was writing this my mom called. i had stopped crying.. and she started asking me about things i didn't want to talk about and i just burst into tears all over again. and then she just had to say how i needed to stop being mad at the world and get over it. i didn't even say anything rude, snide, smart, or even remotely off color..
i just want to go one day without crying. and today i just want to go one minute without it.
i can't believe the things that were said. i feel so crappy. i wish he wouldb e my friend. i wish i could see him. i'm so angry about it and i don't know who i'm more angry at. me for not being not good enough.. or easy to reject. or him for being so complicated, confused, irrational, and just plain mean. i can't talk to people like i talk to him. and i don't care if i am only his friend that would be nice. more would just complicate everything further.
oh great. i've started crying again. i applied my makeup and i looked really pretty in my mini skirt and sexy tanktop. i got home and i just didn't feel like being pretty. i wanted my outside to reflect how i felt today. so i put on my miami sweatshirt that i wear when i'm cold and my pink shorts. i layed in bed and cried. and now i'm crying.. after i already fixed my make up from the first time. and it's all down my face.
my mom and sister and her husband are coming here tonight. i think it's a ambush lauren into feeling even worse so that she leaves even faster party. i don't want to talk. i don't want to make nice. i want to forget them. i have my dad. he is all i need. they just make my life hell. i could've stayed here longer without their evil words.
i didn't get to see katie again. surprise surprise. i don't know what i do to make my friends so weird. maybe i'm just not cool enough for her new life. or whatever. but either way i'm pretty upset/angry/annoyed.
i get to see rilo kiley in a few hours. and i feel so crappy. i don't know if i can drive that far. it's only like 40 minutes but when you feel like i do even making it from the bed to the floor is almost impossible.
as i was writing this my mom called. i had stopped crying.. and she started asking me about things i didn't want to talk about and i just burst into tears all over again. and then she just had to say how i needed to stop being mad at the world and get over it. i didn't even say anything rude, snide, smart, or even remotely off color..
i just want to go one day without crying. and today i just want to go one minute without it.