Thanksgiving
Well it has been long since I've written in this blast journal. I haven't because I didn't think anybody would want to read it anyway,but I have decided I'm writing in it for my own personal pleasure. Today was Thanksgiving and I have a couple things I am thankful for. Since I saw the PASSION of the christ I'm thankful for JESUS. I'm thankful for the cocktail of meds that stabalize my emotions everyday. For about a month I've been stuck in a deep depression,but now I'm in really frickin hyper and in a happy mood. I cry after laughing sometimes. I think it has something to do with seeing marcos because that really made me happy. I'm sad because I'm losing someone I know to drugs. The drugs are taking him and all that is left is the body. so that sucks pretty hard. I'm pretty sad about alot of friends I have lost contact with. I question the reasons why, I question if it was my fault, or if it was inevitable. But I guess in the end you only need a few good friends to get you by. I was always the weird one anyway so I'm sort of used to time alone. All this time I have had to think has made me alot more accepting of life and all the misfortune that comes with it. The good is most things aren't perminent, life changes and you have your whole life to figure things out. I know by the age of 50 I'll still be learning things. Right now I just want to get out of high school. I don't really want a job right now. I'm pretty content with mooching money off my parents. I don't have much to buy now anyways. No drugs, no cigarettes. No more addiction to shopping. I did buy a bottle of Jim Bean though a couple weeks ago. Which I intend to have alot of fun with tomorrow. Overall life is pretty mediocre and I guess I feel okay when I crawl into bed at night. I do wake up in the morning but I question the point. I'm still confused, but not that confused at least now I have my priorities straight. Fot the first time in a long time I don't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I don't feel loney because I know I'm learning more on my own. I don't think I'll be ready to grow with someone for a long time, but I am happy for the people that are growing together, it's no longer a bitter feeling of jealousy and disguist. I think thats about all I can say about that. Happy Thanksgiving you all are turds.