oh, well, okay
so much, so much. back with dad, moving to my own fucking place in two weeks, ready to go back to school in the fall, my lifelong friends surrounding me, life is in order, etc.
i can't even begin to explain how peachy this past month has been compared to the whole past year. i was so exhausted; i was tired of floating around like a gypsy and feeling alone. i wanted an apartment, so my dad's house burned down... and now i'm getting my rent paid. i wanted to come back to this city to get my degree, and i did. i missed my friends, and now they're right down the street. i wanted to be in someplace transitionary, and i am. there are no more extremes. there's no crying every day and wondering where i'll live next month. there's no starvation because i'm too stressed to eat or sleep. there's still heartache, but that's everywhere, right? the best part is: i'm not too far away from anyone i truly need. i feel safe. finally, i feel safe.
and it's so bizzare how you can take lightly the things that are going well for you. after a few weeks pass by, you stop appreciating how easy life is. you can't remember what it used to be. you get depressed again, you get down again. what is that all about? being so discontent despite the circumstances?
patrick's home for a little while because of spring break, and it's just so hard. i miss him so much. my dad thinks that he's doing something good for him by sending him away, but it's turning him into a fucking bitter, sad person. it's eating me alive, and there's nothing i can do.
--
i still miss you sometimes. i know you don't trust me anymore, but i'm throwing that out there because it's true. so many things remind me of you still. you were the voice in my head for two years, and now it's just me. cheers, darlin.
i'm never gonna know you now
but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i can't even begin to explain how peachy this past month has been compared to the whole past year. i was so exhausted; i was tired of floating around like a gypsy and feeling alone. i wanted an apartment, so my dad's house burned down... and now i'm getting my rent paid. i wanted to come back to this city to get my degree, and i did. i missed my friends, and now they're right down the street. i wanted to be in someplace transitionary, and i am. there are no more extremes. there's no crying every day and wondering where i'll live next month. there's no starvation because i'm too stressed to eat or sleep. there's still heartache, but that's everywhere, right? the best part is: i'm not too far away from anyone i truly need. i feel safe. finally, i feel safe.
and it's so bizzare how you can take lightly the things that are going well for you. after a few weeks pass by, you stop appreciating how easy life is. you can't remember what it used to be. you get depressed again, you get down again. what is that all about? being so discontent despite the circumstances?
patrick's home for a little while because of spring break, and it's just so hard. i miss him so much. my dad thinks that he's doing something good for him by sending him away, but it's turning him into a fucking bitter, sad person. it's eating me alive, and there's nothing i can do.
--
i still miss you sometimes. i know you don't trust me anymore, but i'm throwing that out there because it's true. so many things remind me of you still. you were the voice in my head for two years, and now it's just me. cheers, darlin.
i'm never gonna know you now
but i'm gonna love you anyhow