actions: wandering mind.

[xcovermyeyesx]

if people were concerned with deep and meaningful life experiences would they be so wrapped up in everything? would it be all about knowing and doing and being right? the louder you speak, the more right you seem. thinking too much about what life's about it's overwhelming. so today i know what i'm doing.
i know what i'm doing tomorrow.
why don't i feel the need to tell people what i know?
or, why do i not feel the need to let them know?

with one of my important goals being to learn how to appropriately communicate and be an active part of society, is hiding my day to day schedule from my family hindering me from reaching this goal? is this something i actually want to do? the thought that holds me back is: people will form thoughts whether or not they know what i do or do not do. people will think what they're going to think? why do i have to prove or show people what i do? good or bad. i don't care enough, so others won't care. going on the belief that you get what you give.

this semester, god i don't even know how long that is, i've just gotten horribly depressed and it's like i've made no personal growth ever. it seems fake to me. i feel warn out. i'm afraid that i won't ever be worth something.

i feel horrible.