why

[xcoldxdestroyer]

Why is it at these late hours, those who cannot sleep face their innermost demons? Is it something in the quiet ambiance of the night that provokes it? The urge to make everything dimmer and quieter, the fleeting breaks in near constant silence, is this the means to summon these inner thoughts and feelings? Why is it I feel compelled to write it down in my livejournal? I keep thinking, over and over and over again, the events of last night. The more and more I think about it, the more I continue to grow in suspicion. I cant stand feeling this lonely. I need to throw this all away to the stars and the wind. My biggest problem is that I want to be special to someone. I know that doesnt sound like a problem, but it is. Its a yearning I cant fucking defeat and its an urge that continues to grow and grow with the effection towards one girl.One fucking girl can depress me. I am fucking pathetic. Everyone is like "well its nature for guys toget depressed over girls" well fuck that. I just feel like without a girlfriend I cant be fucking happy, and I think that ought to be bullshit, but I really cant be happy for a prolonged period of time.

Oh well, Im hanging out with her monday, Ill see waht happens then.

I still feel so fucking empty