this weather has got me wanting love more tangible
ok so i havent written in here in a while due to asswholes who like to read my shit and tell everyone. thanks guys. but now i will say fuck you and i'm gonna write what is on my mind because councelors are way too damn expensive. i'm depressed. enough said and right now i want to deal with absolutely nothing. life would be so sweet without all these responsibilities.... that would be amazing. but, back to reality, that's never gonna happen. all the time i'm thinking about love and who i want to grow old with and who will grow old with me. i can't even answer this question. i'm so confused with this whole subject that i've lost the will to try. i've got so many bridges, walls, and mirrors that need to be re-adjusted and broken down or re-built. i can't forgive (which i thought i was really good at), i can't forget, i can't let go, and i be who everyone wants me to be. according to you. apparently i haven't quite found myself. apparently. can i ask...how have i not found myself? how do i not know what i want? well, newsflash! i do know what i want. i want love. i need it. it said it best on moulin rouge... love is like oxygen. i fucking crave it! i need it, seriously. i need the warmth of a body, i need to hear your voice on the phone, i need to see your smile, i need you there everyday! yes that is a lot to ask...i know. but i want to go home to someone. i want to call on my "so called break" and say i can't wait to come home. i want to feel butterflies again...something man! but i cant, my body wont let me. it wont let me let go...it wont let me get close. because we all know that no guy out there wants to get serious. at all! i'm just lieing to myself. i should just say fuck it to everything...but i need it. i need that sensitivity, i need to hear your thoughts.... god i sound like a creepy stalker person. i'm done.