Best Friend
Title: Best Friend
Pairing: Nao/Saga [One-sided]; Tora/Saga
Genre: One-shot, Angst.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hey, what if…I broke the greatest code in our friendship…by falling in love with you?
---
We were destined to be together. I was sure of that.
I remember the day you moved into our neighborhood, I was just around 4 or 5 years old at that time. You were younger than me though. And immediately, we became the best of friends.
We were partners-in-crime, two peas in a pod, comrades, heck-we were like brothers.
Remember the time when we both planned the placing of the thumbtacks in the teacher’s chair when we were in elementary? Or when we snuck in the girls’ changing room back in junior high? And especially the time when we skipped classes just to drink ‘beer’ in high school?
Ah, good times.
You were so mature ever since before. Of course I admit that I was immature even though I was supposed to be the responsible one. But heck, we make great accomplices when it comes to pranks and other foolish plans right?
When placed with other people, you’re a different person. A person they respected, admired, and looked up to. No problems there. You were beautiful, even for a guy. Both girls and guys had a crush on you, and you were popular and cool and all that.
But…Why was it that when you were with me, you’re you?
You became a dorky, lame, happy, and carefree person, just like me.
Not that I had a problem with that, of course.
I even felt special because of that. Want to know why? Because I was the only one knew the real side of you. I was the only one who saw you when you were in pain, when your heart was broken, when you were crying, when you were angry, when you were happy, in love, afraid, unsure, nervous, worried, and crazy-I was a part of it.
And I was there at all the important times of your life. When you were sick, I had to go and sleep over in your house because you wanted to. When you had a lot of problems and you didn’t know what to do, when you had no one to take to the prom (I had to dress up like a girl for you of course.), and…Especially the day when you told me that you were…attracted to guys.
Funny, usually that would freak other guy friends, right? But for me somehow…It was alright. I didn’t mind. But back then, I was really naïve. Of course it was okay with me, and why so?
Because I didn’t know that I was attracted to guys.
That I was attracted to you.
-
We both moved into the city once we graduated from college.
And we promised each other that we would pursue our dreams together. So, I formed a band, with you as the bassist and with me as the drummer. We were both skilled with those instruments anyway. While you were out performing little side shows with various other musicians, I was out finding the missing members of our band.
I found them naturally of course. Where you were popular, you lacked social skills. And when I had great social skills…I was unpopular of course. Weird, but I didn’t complain to Kami-sama about that.
To officially form our band, I invited all the other members, and we were first together as we ate ramen in my favorite Ramen Shop.
That was the first time you laid your eyes on him as well.
-
Alice Nine.
That was the name we all agreed to as we prepared ourselves to purge the world of Jrock and the Visual Kei scene. We were accepted by the PSC Company, I was appointed to be band leader, and though we were all nervous about our futures, we were excited by it at the same time.
And at that time, I was slowly but surely beginning to realize my feelings for you.
Little by little, I knew that my heart would beat a little faster when I was with you. That I enjoyed every second that we were together, that I cherished our daily conversations, that I read your messages all over again and again, and that I…
…I was just happy being with you…
But the sad part was, while I was being too busy as band leader and figuring my messed up feelings, I was blinded by the fact that you were falling for him as well.
I mean, who wouldn’t right?
Amano Shinji, a.k.a ‘Tora’. The black haired guitarist of our band, and every girl’s bad-boy-but-really-dorky dream guy, he was almost perfect.
And by perfect…The complete opposite of me. -sigh-
Tora was tall (while I was short), he was pale (I had the tan that everyone was jealous of…Ha!), he was not that thin…Just perfect for his look (I was chubby….), he had sharp eyes (I had no eyes at all), and he really gave out an intimidating aura. Mine gave the exact opposite, people began to approach and talk to me so freely, and they were often shocked about my age and my position as band leader.
Honestly, I didn’t know if I should either be happy and take it as a compliment or be insulted because they weren’t taking me seriously.
But…You were always watching right? Or…At least I thought you were. And no, you weren’t watching me. You were watching him.
-
Hey, Sagacchi, I’m…I’m so sorry if I acted so slowly-if I contemplated about my actions a bit late already. I was a bit confused about the boundaries of friendship and…what went beyond that.
But…Would you get mad if…I broke the most important code of our friendship…by falling in love with you?
Would it bother you that I’m beginning to see you differently than before? Sure, you were beautiful when we were in our teens…But now…Seeing you…It completely takes my breath away.
I’m sorry…I can’t help but love you. Blame the love bug, who bit me. And Cupid.
-
“And did you know Nao-kun? He also smokes! Like me! But he’s a cat person though…Did you know that he had a cat named Chikin?” a few months later and you couldn’t stop talking about him. It was like, when you open that (pretty) mouth of yours-ARRGH!
I can’t help it. I maybe a novice when it comes to love and courting and all that, but I’m not stupid to not know that the reason why I feel so annoyed (like I wanted to murder a certain guitarist…) and why my chest hurt so much was probably because of the fact that I was…
…jealous.
Okay. So I maybe was. But who wouldn’t? You talk about him like he was a god or something!
-
Years later and our bonds grew stronger. We were pretty used to hanging out at each other’s place, or going to Akihabara like it was some sort of field trip. But I would admit…Akihabara seemed more and more interesting only when I would be with you.
Cheesy. I know.
It was Chiko’s birthday. And you invited everybody in our band. We had a great time, you all sang so horribly in the karaoke (except for Shou-kun, of course), we got drunk, we drew mustaches and other scribbles on the sleeping Hiroto’s face, and we played games.
After fixing everything up, we were in your bed, talking and drinking a glass of wine you grew to love to drink so much. And taking this chance, being drunk I mean, I was about to tell you the truth.
Yup, and after gulping down like my third glass, I was still a bit nervous.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to lose you to that tiger. Well, not at least by taking some actions, not without a challenge, of course. “Ne, Saga…I have something important to say to you…” I drawled out in a slurred voice.
You rest those heart melting eyes of yours unto mine. God…You were so beautiful…With the moonlight casting an ethereal glow on your face…Highlighting your elegant features…And then your cheeks were a bit reddish from the wine you drank.
I felt like it was love at first sight all over again.
“Me too…” you admitted in a shy voice. Oh my god! Is it finally….?! He…He…Could it be?!
I opened my mouth, all too happy to-
“I’m in love with Tora-kun”, you confessed to me, as the shades of your rosy cheeks got darker.
And all too quickly, I closed my mouth again. Strange, I should be drunk right? So why…Why does it hurt more than it should…? Kami-sama, why am I being punished this way? I mean, you could’ve let me finish you know? And…I knew that that was bound to happen…But I didn’t expect that to happen so swiftly.
“Pooh-san”, you called me by the endearing nickname you thought of, “are you okay?”
Sometimes, you can really be an idiot, you know that Saga? And because of that, it irritated me. I mean, did you fucking think that I was okay? Being rejected immediately even though I haven’t said anything? I knew I had absolutely zero chance of getting you. But…I hoped, you know? Maybe, there was some sort of miracle…
Swallowing down another glass, I choked myself. Not from the drink, but because tears were building up in my eyes already. Avoiding your concerned gaze, I stared at the moon that night. I took a deep breath and then glanced at you from the corner of my eyes.
“I’m fine”, I brandished a quick and forced smile.
Deep inside, my heart was breaking.
-
It was one of those rare summer days wherein our band would get a mini-vacation or something. So here I was, at your house (again), watching you…I mean…Watching you polishing your bass.
“Hey Saga”, I used your stage name. “What if I said that I actually loved you all this time?”
Oh shit. I didn’t-fuck! That was totally unexpected! I-damn-the fucking heat went straight to my brain and and-I quietly watched your reaction.
You stopped at what you were doing, and just stared into space with a frown on your face.
Why do I love rubbing salt into my (already deep) wound?
“I mean”, I immediately added, “if…Tora told you that.”
And that same adorable blush crept into your cheeks as you grinned shyly. You looked so cute at that moment…Like you were a teenager in love.
“Silly Nao”, you laughed-still with a dreamy grin on your face, “you scared me for a moment there.”
*Crack*
Oh. I think that was my broken heart-breaking further into smaller pieces until there’s nothing left but dust. And then that dust would be grinded further until there was nothing left but small particles.
-
It happened alright.
You were jumping in joy at that time. And though it was already three in the morning, you still called me up just to let me know that Tora did admit his…feelings…for you, and that he even invited you for a date. Where? How ironic.
It was the same place wherein I took you and we celebrated your birthday.
Well…You wouldn’t have remembered that anyway…right?
I congratulated you, the all-too-happy tone of my voice contrasting the bitter tears that were freely flowing down my already puffed up eyes. I had to hold back the sobs, so that you wouldn’t hear them over the phone. And you know what happened when you already hung up the phone?
I curled up into a ball and cried.
-
After a few weeks, I managed to bear it all. And by bear, the all-too obvious lovey-dovey aura you and your…boyfriend had. I had to put up when I saw the both of you sneaking glances to each other, or when I walk in the both of you making out and all that. It was alright for me. Why?
I was happy because you were happy.
And that was enough.
But, my birthday came, and I was excited by it once again. It was a tradition for the both of us after all to treat one another to something we want on that day.
You did remember that it was my birthday right? And that we were going to my favorite Ramen store and visit the anime convention afterwards? I was too confident that you were at least going to remember that after our band celebrated with us. I mean…I directly gave you the eye contact and even reminded you about it!
So why?
“Hey Nao-kun, guess what? Tora’s taking me out on dinner again! And then we’ll be going to a concert we both wanted to go on to and then I’ll be staying at his house overnight! Can you believe it?” You really sounded like a fangirl as you squealed like one over the phone.
“I’m happy and everything for you Saga but-“
“But?”
“…”, did I really want to spoil his happiness for my own selfishness? Yes. I sighed. Of course….Not.
“Uhm…You have to be safe okay? And yeah, have fun…”
-
And now?
I totally gave up.
Well…I didn’t give up on you…I just gave up on the fantasy of taking you all for myself.
But I’m still your best friend, right?
I chuckled sullenly as I studied your face. You came straight to me, crying again. You seem to do that more often these days, but you have to understand Tora-kun that each time you fight, your understanding grows each time, and every tear you shed, your love for him grows too.
Because all in all, that’s what love is about.
Gently, I stroked your cheeks. Despite the ruined mascara staining your cheeks, I still found you more beautiful than ever. I took this chance and tenderly kissed your forehead.
Don’t worry, Sagacchi. I’ll always be here beside you.
You could come crying to me when you’re having problems with Tora. You could get angry at me when you feel life is being unfair to you, and you could definitely tell me all about your heartaches, your problems, and especially your happiness and your dreams.
Because…That’s what friends are for.
Even though I gave up hope being with you doesn’t mean that I’ve stop loving you.
And even though it hurts…Hey, your happiness over my selfishness, right?
Just being able to stay beside you is more than enough, believe me.
Just being able to see you smile, to hear you laugh, to be able to talk to you…To know that you’re still there-I’m more than happy with that.
I’ll always be your best friend.
---
A/N: Yeah. It sucks. Total failure. D: Do comment though, and tell me what you think. D:
Pairing: Nao/Saga [One-sided]; Tora/Saga
Genre: One-shot, Angst.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hey, what if…I broke the greatest code in our friendship…by falling in love with you?
---
We were destined to be together. I was sure of that.
I remember the day you moved into our neighborhood, I was just around 4 or 5 years old at that time. You were younger than me though. And immediately, we became the best of friends.
We were partners-in-crime, two peas in a pod, comrades, heck-we were like brothers.
Remember the time when we both planned the placing of the thumbtacks in the teacher’s chair when we were in elementary? Or when we snuck in the girls’ changing room back in junior high? And especially the time when we skipped classes just to drink ‘beer’ in high school?
Ah, good times.
You were so mature ever since before. Of course I admit that I was immature even though I was supposed to be the responsible one. But heck, we make great accomplices when it comes to pranks and other foolish plans right?
When placed with other people, you’re a different person. A person they respected, admired, and looked up to. No problems there. You were beautiful, even for a guy. Both girls and guys had a crush on you, and you were popular and cool and all that.
But…Why was it that when you were with me, you’re you?
You became a dorky, lame, happy, and carefree person, just like me.
Not that I had a problem with that, of course.
I even felt special because of that. Want to know why? Because I was the only one knew the real side of you. I was the only one who saw you when you were in pain, when your heart was broken, when you were crying, when you were angry, when you were happy, in love, afraid, unsure, nervous, worried, and crazy-I was a part of it.
And I was there at all the important times of your life. When you were sick, I had to go and sleep over in your house because you wanted to. When you had a lot of problems and you didn’t know what to do, when you had no one to take to the prom (I had to dress up like a girl for you of course.), and…Especially the day when you told me that you were…attracted to guys.
Funny, usually that would freak other guy friends, right? But for me somehow…It was alright. I didn’t mind. But back then, I was really naïve. Of course it was okay with me, and why so?
Because I didn’t know that I was attracted to guys.
That I was attracted to you.
-
We both moved into the city once we graduated from college.
And we promised each other that we would pursue our dreams together. So, I formed a band, with you as the bassist and with me as the drummer. We were both skilled with those instruments anyway. While you were out performing little side shows with various other musicians, I was out finding the missing members of our band.
I found them naturally of course. Where you were popular, you lacked social skills. And when I had great social skills…I was unpopular of course. Weird, but I didn’t complain to Kami-sama about that.
To officially form our band, I invited all the other members, and we were first together as we ate ramen in my favorite Ramen Shop.
That was the first time you laid your eyes on him as well.
-
Alice Nine.
That was the name we all agreed to as we prepared ourselves to purge the world of Jrock and the Visual Kei scene. We were accepted by the PSC Company, I was appointed to be band leader, and though we were all nervous about our futures, we were excited by it at the same time.
And at that time, I was slowly but surely beginning to realize my feelings for you.
Little by little, I knew that my heart would beat a little faster when I was with you. That I enjoyed every second that we were together, that I cherished our daily conversations, that I read your messages all over again and again, and that I…
…I was just happy being with you…
But the sad part was, while I was being too busy as band leader and figuring my messed up feelings, I was blinded by the fact that you were falling for him as well.
I mean, who wouldn’t right?
Amano Shinji, a.k.a ‘Tora’. The black haired guitarist of our band, and every girl’s bad-boy-but-really-dorky dream guy, he was almost perfect.
And by perfect…The complete opposite of me. -sigh-
Tora was tall (while I was short), he was pale (I had the tan that everyone was jealous of…Ha!), he was not that thin…Just perfect for his look (I was chubby….), he had sharp eyes (I had no eyes at all), and he really gave out an intimidating aura. Mine gave the exact opposite, people began to approach and talk to me so freely, and they were often shocked about my age and my position as band leader.
Honestly, I didn’t know if I should either be happy and take it as a compliment or be insulted because they weren’t taking me seriously.
But…You were always watching right? Or…At least I thought you were. And no, you weren’t watching me. You were watching him.
-
Hey, Sagacchi, I’m…I’m so sorry if I acted so slowly-if I contemplated about my actions a bit late already. I was a bit confused about the boundaries of friendship and…what went beyond that.
But…Would you get mad if…I broke the most important code of our friendship…by falling in love with you?
Would it bother you that I’m beginning to see you differently than before? Sure, you were beautiful when we were in our teens…But now…Seeing you…It completely takes my breath away.
I’m sorry…I can’t help but love you. Blame the love bug, who bit me. And Cupid.
-
“And did you know Nao-kun? He also smokes! Like me! But he’s a cat person though…Did you know that he had a cat named Chikin?” a few months later and you couldn’t stop talking about him. It was like, when you open that (pretty) mouth of yours-ARRGH!
I can’t help it. I maybe a novice when it comes to love and courting and all that, but I’m not stupid to not know that the reason why I feel so annoyed (like I wanted to murder a certain guitarist…) and why my chest hurt so much was probably because of the fact that I was…
…jealous.
Okay. So I maybe was. But who wouldn’t? You talk about him like he was a god or something!
-
Years later and our bonds grew stronger. We were pretty used to hanging out at each other’s place, or going to Akihabara like it was some sort of field trip. But I would admit…Akihabara seemed more and more interesting only when I would be with you.
Cheesy. I know.
It was Chiko’s birthday. And you invited everybody in our band. We had a great time, you all sang so horribly in the karaoke (except for Shou-kun, of course), we got drunk, we drew mustaches and other scribbles on the sleeping Hiroto’s face, and we played games.
After fixing everything up, we were in your bed, talking and drinking a glass of wine you grew to love to drink so much. And taking this chance, being drunk I mean, I was about to tell you the truth.
Yup, and after gulping down like my third glass, I was still a bit nervous.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to lose you to that tiger. Well, not at least by taking some actions, not without a challenge, of course. “Ne, Saga…I have something important to say to you…” I drawled out in a slurred voice.
You rest those heart melting eyes of yours unto mine. God…You were so beautiful…With the moonlight casting an ethereal glow on your face…Highlighting your elegant features…And then your cheeks were a bit reddish from the wine you drank.
I felt like it was love at first sight all over again.
“Me too…” you admitted in a shy voice. Oh my god! Is it finally….?! He…He…Could it be?!
I opened my mouth, all too happy to-
“I’m in love with Tora-kun”, you confessed to me, as the shades of your rosy cheeks got darker.
And all too quickly, I closed my mouth again. Strange, I should be drunk right? So why…Why does it hurt more than it should…? Kami-sama, why am I being punished this way? I mean, you could’ve let me finish you know? And…I knew that that was bound to happen…But I didn’t expect that to happen so swiftly.
“Pooh-san”, you called me by the endearing nickname you thought of, “are you okay?”
Sometimes, you can really be an idiot, you know that Saga? And because of that, it irritated me. I mean, did you fucking think that I was okay? Being rejected immediately even though I haven’t said anything? I knew I had absolutely zero chance of getting you. But…I hoped, you know? Maybe, there was some sort of miracle…
Swallowing down another glass, I choked myself. Not from the drink, but because tears were building up in my eyes already. Avoiding your concerned gaze, I stared at the moon that night. I took a deep breath and then glanced at you from the corner of my eyes.
“I’m fine”, I brandished a quick and forced smile.
Deep inside, my heart was breaking.
-
It was one of those rare summer days wherein our band would get a mini-vacation or something. So here I was, at your house (again), watching you…I mean…Watching you polishing your bass.
“Hey Saga”, I used your stage name. “What if I said that I actually loved you all this time?”
Oh shit. I didn’t-fuck! That was totally unexpected! I-damn-the fucking heat went straight to my brain and and-I quietly watched your reaction.
You stopped at what you were doing, and just stared into space with a frown on your face.
Why do I love rubbing salt into my (already deep) wound?
“I mean”, I immediately added, “if…Tora told you that.”
And that same adorable blush crept into your cheeks as you grinned shyly. You looked so cute at that moment…Like you were a teenager in love.
“Silly Nao”, you laughed-still with a dreamy grin on your face, “you scared me for a moment there.”
*Crack*
Oh. I think that was my broken heart-breaking further into smaller pieces until there’s nothing left but dust. And then that dust would be grinded further until there was nothing left but small particles.
-
It happened alright.
You were jumping in joy at that time. And though it was already three in the morning, you still called me up just to let me know that Tora did admit his…feelings…for you, and that he even invited you for a date. Where? How ironic.
It was the same place wherein I took you and we celebrated your birthday.
Well…You wouldn’t have remembered that anyway…right?
I congratulated you, the all-too-happy tone of my voice contrasting the bitter tears that were freely flowing down my already puffed up eyes. I had to hold back the sobs, so that you wouldn’t hear them over the phone. And you know what happened when you already hung up the phone?
I curled up into a ball and cried.
-
After a few weeks, I managed to bear it all. And by bear, the all-too obvious lovey-dovey aura you and your…boyfriend had. I had to put up when I saw the both of you sneaking glances to each other, or when I walk in the both of you making out and all that. It was alright for me. Why?
I was happy because you were happy.
And that was enough.
But, my birthday came, and I was excited by it once again. It was a tradition for the both of us after all to treat one another to something we want on that day.
You did remember that it was my birthday right? And that we were going to my favorite Ramen store and visit the anime convention afterwards? I was too confident that you were at least going to remember that after our band celebrated with us. I mean…I directly gave you the eye contact and even reminded you about it!
So why?
“Hey Nao-kun, guess what? Tora’s taking me out on dinner again! And then we’ll be going to a concert we both wanted to go on to and then I’ll be staying at his house overnight! Can you believe it?” You really sounded like a fangirl as you squealed like one over the phone.
“I’m happy and everything for you Saga but-“
“But?”
“…”, did I really want to spoil his happiness for my own selfishness? Yes. I sighed. Of course….Not.
“Uhm…You have to be safe okay? And yeah, have fun…”
-
And now?
I totally gave up.
Well…I didn’t give up on you…I just gave up on the fantasy of taking you all for myself.
But I’m still your best friend, right?
I chuckled sullenly as I studied your face. You came straight to me, crying again. You seem to do that more often these days, but you have to understand Tora-kun that each time you fight, your understanding grows each time, and every tear you shed, your love for him grows too.
Because all in all, that’s what love is about.
Gently, I stroked your cheeks. Despite the ruined mascara staining your cheeks, I still found you more beautiful than ever. I took this chance and tenderly kissed your forehead.
Don’t worry, Sagacchi. I’ll always be here beside you.
You could come crying to me when you’re having problems with Tora. You could get angry at me when you feel life is being unfair to you, and you could definitely tell me all about your heartaches, your problems, and especially your happiness and your dreams.
Because…That’s what friends are for.
Even though I gave up hope being with you doesn’t mean that I’ve stop loving you.
And even though it hurts…Hey, your happiness over my selfishness, right?
Just being able to stay beside you is more than enough, believe me.
Just being able to see you smile, to hear you laugh, to be able to talk to you…To know that you’re still there-I’m more than happy with that.
I’ll always be your best friend.
---
A/N: Yeah. It sucks. Total failure. D: Do comment though, and tell me what you think. D: