(no subject)
as i sit here wasting away at 5 o'clock in the morning, i wonder, why me? i dont remember doing anythign especially wrong. did i sign up for too many classes? is it the stress induced illness that seems to find me every time finals roll around? I've slept maybe 4 hours tonight, and i've been on and off up and down, coughing my lungs out. i just took my temperature. 99.5. is that normal? i dont think so. close enough to 100, and i think you are supposed to be not deviating from about 98.6. i know for a fact though this isn't the hottest i've been. last night was worse. i was burning up all night, and then i had that stupid accounting final at 8 in the morning, then work at 4. it might be a little much for me. and i have two long shifts ahead of me on saturday and sunday. then of course i'm off for two weeks, but what if the doctor reccomends i not go to work? could i afford to go to florida? will my parents suppliment my income? hopefully in the next two weeks i wont be spending too much money. in regards to the season of giving that is upon us i begin to question relationships. and by relationships i mean relationship, and by relationship i mean kristen. i got her a really great present that i found on my own (though the idea wasn't all mine), and it turns out that that is exactly what she had said she wanted. will she think i got hints from her mom, or will she know that i picked it out all by myself? will she even get my hint? is there even a hint? questions pour through me at 4:56 in the morning, my mind is racing a mile a minute. she's in nyc right now, and i called her this morning, thinking i would be the one to wake her up. rather she was already in jersey with her family. she said she'd call my right back, and she didn't, but though it bothers me a little and makes me feel unimportant, i do realize she is there with her family, and its an exciting trip i know she's been looking forward to. patience. i have to have patience. i am by no means a virtuous person, but i do have patience. i've been waiting for two years now, and i rememeber what happend the last time i waited. it came true, and came crashing down in a nightmare only three months later. i dont think i'm doomed to walk about the planet alone, but i'm beginning to wonder when my girl will show up. i have to live through the sour to make the sweet all the sweeter. my day will come. but its not today. today is not my day at all...