the state of not even knowing...
It all comes down to not knowing my place anymore. I tried to explain this feeling to Aven. I feel like I've opened myself to meeting new people which is definately posotive but whether or not they intend to come across that way by this point, most poeple fit into different places, different groups of people. Most of my closest friends have gone...graduated last year. Namely Kira, whom I spent most of my time with last year. So now selfishly despite all the horrific things going on with everyone else I can't seem to push off the feeling of being completely lost. I don't know where I belong. I'll hang out with different people but I don't know who I can really just go to. I don't know who I can just pour my heart out to. I miss that more than anything. Miss having a trust with someone that goes so deep down that you know that if they were threatened by death they wouldn't so much as say a word of what you had told them in confidence. I also miss being that for someone else. Knowing that if my friend was miserable they would come to me and pour their very soul out to me. I feel like what I am at this point is an invasion of other peoples famliliarity. I'm wandering around making friends but friends that have no tie to be remembered or recognized. How do you start from scratch senior year? How do you gain a trust again when you've lost one that you had gained over years? I think the people have spoken to are right in that though there's doubt and confussion you have to focuss in living in the moment. I do want to enjoy this year for all its worth and I sincerely think I will. I just can't help but think...