a conversation about the night of the 2009 halloween party i attended, minus the other person's part
so i hit the road out to pomona at 8 last night
mind you, i was wearing scrubs, had a security badge, and a pen light
full on doctored out
on the way to pomona i saw several cars pulled over
one of them was very clearly a car with three chicks, because they were all standing outside shivering
one was a slutty devil, a slutty queen of hearts, and something with a mini skirt and a tiny shirt
that is when i knew the night was going to super rock
so i get to pomona and stop at 7-11 for some soda
everyone in the store thought i was actually a doctor
including the cop stopping for coffee
lawl i saw the pics I actually thought the same XD
so i get my sodas and go on the to the pep band house
as i get there
it isn't even 9 yet and barely anyone is there
so of course, i start drinking
as people arrive they also think i am a doctor
or nurse
so girls in tiny and tinier outfits arrive
most memorable arrival though was the willy wonka group
all girls
there was willy wonka, veruca salt, violet beauregaard, and a dude dressed as rorshack from watchmen
next memorable arrival was a flasher and a ninja
anywho, the willy wonka girls also brought
"Flo" from the progressive auto insurance commericals.
anywho, they wanted to open a can of monster but the tab was lost
so they were standing around in the kitchen wondering how they were going to open it
so i just walk over, open up the kitchen utensil drawer and take out a can opening
i made that can my bitch
they were in such aw it was amazing.
so yes
the night continues
so i get warmed up with more whiskey
whiskey and dr. pepper is my new drink
so the flasher and willy wonka play beer pong against the wheaties box guy and slutty pirate girl
beer pong ensues
i see flasher dude has a cigarette behind his ear
so after the game he asks if i want to smoke
so me, ninja, flasher, and girl willy wonka all go outside for what i assume is going to be a cigarette
nope
we got HELLA stoned
it was amazing
so we're getting stoned
and i notice it is getting to be late
after 11 already
so stoned, tottering me decides to go in a very loudly ask my friend "Is he coming tonight"
so i spend the next hour totally tripping, singing really loud, and generally impressing people with my knowledge of music and wonderful high humor
then this he i speak of gets there
its this lame robotics engineer i have a crush on
so i totally freak out....for like .25 seconds
and forget he's there
continue drinking
drink some more
smoke some cigarettes with unspecified slut costume girl, ninja, and flasher
no seriously
this girl just has on pig tails, a cardigan, a spaghetti strap tank, and a super mini skirt
PIG TAILS
anyway
we all go back inside, he isn't talking to me
which i think is just weird that he would be ignoring me
but i'm too high to really care
pig tails and my friend robin start playing beer pong
well, everyone is just playing beer pong at this point in time
and so much time has passed that i just don't know
like, CHUNKS were missing dude
its about 2 am
a good few hours had passed full of singing, laughing, and dancing. i did the cupid shuffle, i have no idea what it is, but i now know how to do it.
by the time the high starts wearing off
i notice that fat kyle and this dude alex are playing beer pong against my friend robin and pig tail girl
dude
pig tails is starting to do the worst stuff to make the dudes miss their shots
by the end of their game we was straight out bending over
mind you this girl is only 18
we will all rue the day when she's allowed to get into clubs
until then, all of our parties are gonna end up with he doing slutty shit
so i start sobering up and decide that since this dude started puking, the party is over
I'm gonna crash out on the futon
so i lay down and try to sleep, but my fucking friend is starting to clean the house
its about 3 or 4 am
so I jsut lay there, at that point people are starting to come into the room i'm laying down in and fucking blabber
assholes
my god damn friend fat kyle comes over and is like, move, i'm sitting down
i grunted
i'm still drunk
so he just bends my legs up at the knee and sits down, so my legs are resting against his giant fatness
i'm still drunk, mind you
and i'm flexing my ankles and wiggling my toes
OMG I CARESSED A GIANT FAT MAN'S BOOB WITH MY FOOT
that definitely woke me up
since i am still high and kyle is starting to bitch about not smoking his pipe [tobacco] i tell him that we're gonna go outside and smoke the pipe
as we're standing outside for half an hour smoking i start sobering up
all the high is wearing off and the drunk is fading
so we get back inside after having a looong conversation about absolutely nothing
and kyle periodically shouting "suck his dick" at the couple on the other side of the drive away
we go back inside, and about ten people are now sitting in the front room, where we had previously rested
slut girl is laying on the floor
showing off underwear crotch and ass to the world
and then ensues the period of time where half of us wanted to sleep, and the other half wouldn't stop flirting and giggling and generally being assholes
after the noisy people leave i get the couch to myself and lay down and sleep[
this is at about 4, 4:30
so i sleep for two hours, and am then awakened by a pee so race horse-ish that i thought my bladder was exploding
there are people asleep all around me
but i notice that the he i previously mentioned wasn't in the room
so i go over to the bathroom, and end up standing there for like.... i don't know, 5 minutes?
just waiting
and then holy shit
there he is
emerging from the bathroom
and there it was, the grandest awkward moment
it was glorious
and epic
this is an awkward moment for the ages
this is the awkward moment i will tell my grand children about
so i go pee
and come back out into the front room/dining room
he didn't take my couch spot
that was really sweet of him not to do
but instead he's sitting at the kitchen table, still drunk, and apologizing for taking so long to "take a dump" while playing solitaire
did i mention this guy is a robotics engineer, who works for boeing
so here is the BEST PART OF THE WHOLE NIGHT
so we're sitting there
and after this crazy ass night just have the most boring conversation of all time
about his job, arc welding, the rose parade
as i'm falling asleep at the table he's just like "yea, this is the time that you should go lay down again, because if you don't you're gonna feel like shit"
this is also the time i'm going from drunk to hung over
that magical in between time where you just marvel that you survived a night so epic with dancing and singing and cross fade glory
then i put my foot in my mouth,
and out slips "y'know, be glad you don't smoke pot. i ate and drank a bunch after i did tonight and still the default flavor is weed"
then i drag my sorry ass back over to the couch and lay down
then he came over and covered me up with a blanket
so i slept for a few more hours
when i woke up again he was laying on the floor with his legs crossed and bent up against the wall like he's sitting in a chair
i gather my things, cover him up with a blanket and prepare to leave
as i cover him up with the same blanket he covered me up with he opens his gorgeous intense blue eyes [like seriously, his eyes are like the god damn carribean, that perfect clear blue]
and waves bye and mouths "bye"
then i commenced my hour long walk/drive of shame back to pasadena
and the only action i got that night was my foot caressing fat kyle's boob.
today i am really really sore
i'm not sure if i did anything that would actually merit that though
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
i totally skipped the part when the assholes were all still there
kyle* forcefully took the futon from this guy James
and as he was pulling off his shirt i saw big obese stomach and totally freaked out
so he lays down and is like "oh what paige, don't act like you don't want it"
i was still drunk
and i think i said something along the lines of "not if me laying there meant your entire peoples would be freed of tasacs"
then he went on his normal tirade about his grandfather being a holocaust survivor and that his race of jews doesn't have tasacs, thats the other race
anyway
then he says it again "like you don't want it, c'mon, you know you want to come cuddle"
i'm half asleep sitting up on the couch sitting next to two flirting teenagers
and i blurt out "not for you're black card and all of your jew money"
then he says it one more time "oh come on, cuddling is nice. i'm very cuddly"
and i finally just had it and scoffed "tiny jew penis"
and he seriously started ranting about how his penis isn't tiny...blah blah blah.....i'd been laughing so hard that i started snorting
and rozie was shushing us both
but laughing at the same time
A NOTE TO THE READER: I AM NOT ANTI-SEMETIC, I AM MERELY ANTI-CUDDLING-FAT-KYLE
if that just isn't the hilarious cherry on the funny sunday that was last night i don't know what could be.
the ninja an di ended up doing the "go team venture" v-five all night
mind you, i was wearing scrubs, had a security badge, and a pen light
full on doctored out
on the way to pomona i saw several cars pulled over
one of them was very clearly a car with three chicks, because they were all standing outside shivering
one was a slutty devil, a slutty queen of hearts, and something with a mini skirt and a tiny shirt
that is when i knew the night was going to super rock
so i get to pomona and stop at 7-11 for some soda
everyone in the store thought i was actually a doctor
including the cop stopping for coffee
lawl i saw the pics I actually thought the same XD
so i get my sodas and go on the to the pep band house
as i get there
it isn't even 9 yet and barely anyone is there
so of course, i start drinking
as people arrive they also think i am a doctor
or nurse
so girls in tiny and tinier outfits arrive
most memorable arrival though was the willy wonka group
all girls
there was willy wonka, veruca salt, violet beauregaard, and a dude dressed as rorshack from watchmen
next memorable arrival was a flasher and a ninja
anywho, the willy wonka girls also brought
"Flo" from the progressive auto insurance commericals.
anywho, they wanted to open a can of monster but the tab was lost
so they were standing around in the kitchen wondering how they were going to open it
so i just walk over, open up the kitchen utensil drawer and take out a can opening
i made that can my bitch
they were in such aw it was amazing.
so yes
the night continues
so i get warmed up with more whiskey
whiskey and dr. pepper is my new drink
so the flasher and willy wonka play beer pong against the wheaties box guy and slutty pirate girl
beer pong ensues
i see flasher dude has a cigarette behind his ear
so after the game he asks if i want to smoke
so me, ninja, flasher, and girl willy wonka all go outside for what i assume is going to be a cigarette
nope
we got HELLA stoned
it was amazing
so we're getting stoned
and i notice it is getting to be late
after 11 already
so stoned, tottering me decides to go in a very loudly ask my friend "Is he coming tonight"
so i spend the next hour totally tripping, singing really loud, and generally impressing people with my knowledge of music and wonderful high humor
then this he i speak of gets there
its this lame robotics engineer i have a crush on
so i totally freak out....for like .25 seconds
and forget he's there
continue drinking
drink some more
smoke some cigarettes with unspecified slut costume girl, ninja, and flasher
no seriously
this girl just has on pig tails, a cardigan, a spaghetti strap tank, and a super mini skirt
PIG TAILS
anyway
we all go back inside, he isn't talking to me
which i think is just weird that he would be ignoring me
but i'm too high to really care
pig tails and my friend robin start playing beer pong
well, everyone is just playing beer pong at this point in time
and so much time has passed that i just don't know
like, CHUNKS were missing dude
its about 2 am
a good few hours had passed full of singing, laughing, and dancing. i did the cupid shuffle, i have no idea what it is, but i now know how to do it.
by the time the high starts wearing off
i notice that fat kyle and this dude alex are playing beer pong against my friend robin and pig tail girl
dude
pig tails is starting to do the worst stuff to make the dudes miss their shots
by the end of their game we was straight out bending over
mind you this girl is only 18
we will all rue the day when she's allowed to get into clubs
until then, all of our parties are gonna end up with he doing slutty shit
so i start sobering up and decide that since this dude started puking, the party is over
I'm gonna crash out on the futon
so i lay down and try to sleep, but my fucking friend is starting to clean the house
its about 3 or 4 am
so I jsut lay there, at that point people are starting to come into the room i'm laying down in and fucking blabber
assholes
my god damn friend fat kyle comes over and is like, move, i'm sitting down
i grunted
i'm still drunk
so he just bends my legs up at the knee and sits down, so my legs are resting against his giant fatness
i'm still drunk, mind you
and i'm flexing my ankles and wiggling my toes
OMG I CARESSED A GIANT FAT MAN'S BOOB WITH MY FOOT
that definitely woke me up
since i am still high and kyle is starting to bitch about not smoking his pipe [tobacco] i tell him that we're gonna go outside and smoke the pipe
as we're standing outside for half an hour smoking i start sobering up
all the high is wearing off and the drunk is fading
so we get back inside after having a looong conversation about absolutely nothing
and kyle periodically shouting "suck his dick" at the couple on the other side of the drive away
we go back inside, and about ten people are now sitting in the front room, where we had previously rested
slut girl is laying on the floor
showing off underwear crotch and ass to the world
and then ensues the period of time where half of us wanted to sleep, and the other half wouldn't stop flirting and giggling and generally being assholes
after the noisy people leave i get the couch to myself and lay down and sleep[
this is at about 4, 4:30
so i sleep for two hours, and am then awakened by a pee so race horse-ish that i thought my bladder was exploding
there are people asleep all around me
but i notice that the he i previously mentioned wasn't in the room
so i go over to the bathroom, and end up standing there for like.... i don't know, 5 minutes?
just waiting
and then holy shit
there he is
emerging from the bathroom
and there it was, the grandest awkward moment
it was glorious
and epic
this is an awkward moment for the ages
this is the awkward moment i will tell my grand children about
so i go pee
and come back out into the front room/dining room
he didn't take my couch spot
that was really sweet of him not to do
but instead he's sitting at the kitchen table, still drunk, and apologizing for taking so long to "take a dump" while playing solitaire
did i mention this guy is a robotics engineer, who works for boeing
so here is the BEST PART OF THE WHOLE NIGHT
so we're sitting there
and after this crazy ass night just have the most boring conversation of all time
about his job, arc welding, the rose parade
as i'm falling asleep at the table he's just like "yea, this is the time that you should go lay down again, because if you don't you're gonna feel like shit"
this is also the time i'm going from drunk to hung over
that magical in between time where you just marvel that you survived a night so epic with dancing and singing and cross fade glory
then i put my foot in my mouth,
and out slips "y'know, be glad you don't smoke pot. i ate and drank a bunch after i did tonight and still the default flavor is weed"
then i drag my sorry ass back over to the couch and lay down
then he came over and covered me up with a blanket
so i slept for a few more hours
when i woke up again he was laying on the floor with his legs crossed and bent up against the wall like he's sitting in a chair
i gather my things, cover him up with a blanket and prepare to leave
as i cover him up with the same blanket he covered me up with he opens his gorgeous intense blue eyes [like seriously, his eyes are like the god damn carribean, that perfect clear blue]
and waves bye and mouths "bye"
then i commenced my hour long walk/drive of shame back to pasadena
and the only action i got that night was my foot caressing fat kyle's boob.
today i am really really sore
i'm not sure if i did anything that would actually merit that though
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
i totally skipped the part when the assholes were all still there
kyle* forcefully took the futon from this guy James
and as he was pulling off his shirt i saw big obese stomach and totally freaked out
so he lays down and is like "oh what paige, don't act like you don't want it"
i was still drunk
and i think i said something along the lines of "not if me laying there meant your entire peoples would be freed of tasacs"
then he went on his normal tirade about his grandfather being a holocaust survivor and that his race of jews doesn't have tasacs, thats the other race
anyway
then he says it again "like you don't want it, c'mon, you know you want to come cuddle"
i'm half asleep sitting up on the couch sitting next to two flirting teenagers
and i blurt out "not for you're black card and all of your jew money"
then he says it one more time "oh come on, cuddling is nice. i'm very cuddly"
and i finally just had it and scoffed "tiny jew penis"
and he seriously started ranting about how his penis isn't tiny...blah blah blah.....i'd been laughing so hard that i started snorting
and rozie was shushing us both
but laughing at the same time
A NOTE TO THE READER: I AM NOT ANTI-SEMETIC, I AM MERELY ANTI-CUDDLING-FAT-KYLE
if that just isn't the hilarious cherry on the funny sunday that was last night i don't know what could be.
the ninja an di ended up doing the "go team venture" v-five all night