(no subject)
Yes, That's right. 2 days after Tara's forgotten birthday. Also 2 days after He-who-shall-remain-nameless's, and 1 day after "supersk8ter christian girl's'. I suck as a friend. I'm abolutely dull....deathly dull. I'm only fun when told to do somehting odd, like attempting to run up the center of an escalator, or jump on the back of a fire-escape for a ride. The latter only half-way achieved. So-going to prove te fact that I am dull. Being dull I guess makes it easy for me to be pushed aside and/or forgotten. It may be somethign natural for friends to gradually separate. But then there's what Chris said "that's what differnentiates between pals and true freinds." Maybe I wasn't ever Tara's best bud. Maybe I really always was second best. Maybe I'm being replaced by her upper-class, private all girls school, snobby, rich-bitch, girly-girl acquaintances. I always have known that tara had more clas than me, but now she's in her own separate class that should be called the "Uppersnob-disguised-as-queer-middle-classers-in-lower-class-suburbia-class". She is way more of a social butterfly than I am. She's the taent beauty adn brains I for one long for. I miss how we used to connect. We connected on that level where before thoughts were thought the other knew what was going to be thought. All I can remember about how she used to understand m ewas our late nght talk, or rather not so late, just at our 8 oclock bedtime talks, when I would rant and rave about how much I disliked my father or the latest court trial. Maybe she understood back then because everythign was so plain and simple, black and white. Either way, I was comfortable then, but not now. Tara and I are slowly but surely drifting apart due in part to my jealousy of her being accepted into a new higher class of fun people, girls and guys. As long as she continues at her new school I will remain the side friend. The friend to hang out wiht after a weeklong of sitting on your ass when I am just a faded, dull memory taking up space in the back of your mind. I will try to medn things. Not try to be better than her little group or even try to be like them. Just try to reconnect with her. I miss connecting. I miss her as my bet friend. Parting does not have to happen. Even though I'm dull, I'll always have something ehr new posse doesn't have. History with miss Tara. Then again, maybe teh past means nothing. The past is dead. Let the dead bury themselves.