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[xchinadesadex]

tonight i saw my new pdoc who is actually a nurse practitioner.she added yet another medicene to my ever growing list of drugs (wellbutrin,lamictal,trazadone and now lexapro.lexapro is an ssri.i hate ssri's.last time i was on one i gained weight and couldnt have orgasms.i told her that i refused to gain any weight or make my sex life any worse than

Comments

[amante_donne]

I think all kids are shy to some extent when young, I know as babies they tend to have no fear at all, as they know no danger, eating dirt. Playing with matches etc and stuff like that as they begin to learn and become aware of their surroundings, but then as they get older I think most kids will become shy in some way or another, I know with my two kids when we took them to their new school, they were scared and clutching, but then after a few days they were used to it and they had forgotten what all the fuss was about. I suppose some kids are naturally really extrovert but I think that is the exception rather than the norm.

Reading between the lines a bit I suppose that because your mum was not around, working all the hours under the sun and your grandparents raised you, you did not have the benefit of not only the things that only a mum can give, but also of someone that was nearer to your own age, so you can feed off them and learn off them, my missus and daughter are more like sisters than mum and daughter. Personally I would not want my mum and dad to raise my kids, the main reason being is that they come from a totally new generation, their ideals and beliefs are generally old fashioned to us, and is more often than not out of sync with the real world. Don’t take me wrong, I don’t mean that as a diss on grandparents around the world, but I am thinking of the way MY mum and dad are with me and the kids.

Reading towards the bottom of your post you say that Pete came from “a great family, his parents are together and have a healthy relationship” etc but the one thing that I see that is consistent with the both of you is that neither of you had much attention from the respective parents, which at a young age I guess just made you feel inferior or rejected, and you even mention that you felt you was abandoned.

I have never used Heroin, but back in my early 20’s I was a fairly heavy LSD user, then I moved onto E’s and then Coke, but I suppose looking back, I was taking these when I was going to clubs, and was to “benefit” the way I interpreted the music and all that sort of stuff. I stopped the LSD and E’s after a particularly heavy night where I was fucked up big time, I was getting vision blackouts, sweating, panic attacks the works, and it was only down to a mates girlfriend that took me to a quiet corner and talked to me for about 2 hours that I got to a level where I could handle it, that was the last pills for me, although coke I have done occasionally since. But this is more in a recreational way that taking drugs for another other reasons.

But at the end of it all, after all the childhood stuff that both you and Pete have gone through, and all the meds, and no friends, and shyness, anxiousness, and cutting yourself, you have got to today alive, you have a child, you are together, which after reading your condensed biography is an achievement. I don’t understand why Pete plays the mind games with you and puts you down as you said in your other post, after all, you both have had bad experiences in your life, surely this is the ideal situation in order to NOT make the mistakes of your respective parents.

If, even now at 28, do you still lack confidence and get anxious?, have you looked into ways in which you can become more confident and less anxious?. If you can do this then it can only be good. One thing I would like to say, is have you actually stopped using Heroin now?, and have you stopped cutting yourself now? In fact what other harmful things have you stopped doing now?

Wow, I’ve just noticed how long this post is, I sort of just got lost in the keyboard :-), sorry if you think this is a load of babbling, but I guess I’m trying to help (I hope not badly), I ain’t qualified to offer any help, and I know we don’t know each other, but sometimes people you don’t know are the best people to ask.

Take Care

Steve

[xchinadesadex]

the last time i cut was when i was 5 mths pregnant.i had a very rough pregnancy,i was ambivilent(sp)about my pregnancy because i never wanted kids and pete relapsed when i was 2 mths.it made me go out of my mind watching him come home high and i couldn't do any,so i was very "unstable" at the time.we got in some very physical fights.one time when i 4mths along he punched me in the lower back.that has never happened again because i beat the shit out of him and left him with lumps on his head and some bruises.he isnt violent except when he is on drugs.but so am i.
i have been clean(and sober)since 8/30/2003 and pete has been since 4/4/2003.he has a few months on me because he was in jail then rehab from april 4th until sept 6th.i stopped a week before he came out.pete tries to drag my self esteem down because his is so low.i think maybe he feels threatened when mine starts getting higher.but we love eachother.i would rather fix this on than start all over again with someone else who has a different set of issues.i am starting counseling in a few weeks and the mental health center said pete can join me every few sessions without him being charged which he is eager to do.we dont wantr to screw up nate with our constant bickering .i was called "stupid cuntrag" again last night,then pete finally admitted he forgot to take his meds for the last 2 days,which is exactly what i thought.our main problem is that we have major communication problems and we are always defensive(part of that is from being an addict).we'll be ok.as we are getting older things are slowly getting better.
i really dont mind your questions or whether your posts are long.i have actually learned alot through all my friends in here and some of the communities too.