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[xchinadesadex]

tonight i saw my new pdoc who is actually a nurse practitioner.she added yet another medicene to my ever growing list of drugs (wellbutrin,lamictal,trazadone and now lexapro.lexapro is an ssri.i hate ssri's.last time i was on one i gained weight and couldnt have orgasms.i told her that i refused to gain any weight or make my sex life any worse than

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[xchinadesadex]

first of all,about the picture.it is about a year and a half old,i look exactly the same except my hair is alot longer.i dont have many pictures of myself because i don't like looking at myself.i just did a BIG shot of heroin when i took that.its the only picture of me that i like.
i am bipolar.i'm one of those people that is resistant to antidepressants but my mood-stabilizer works(lamictal).i also have borderline personality disorder and i have a very bad case of social anxiety disorder.all of you(my lj friends)are awesome and very sweet but if i met any of you face-to-face,i would probably not say much because i would be in the throes of a major anxiety attack,if Pete were there too,i would basically hide behind him which is what i do.
as for pete(my partner of 4 1/2 yrs)read ccatsunfl0wer's comment.
its not all him of course,i am very irritable and snappy especially since my meds arent working.
a few weeks ago,he commented to Nate,"i'll make you breakfast since mommy's trying to starve you,she doesnt care about you" (nate had been sick and wasnt eating but i WAS making three meals a day that he wouldn't touch.i lost it and put a hole in the bedroom door,i still have a four inch long bruise down the side of my hand.my nurse took an interest in it last night and asked me if i HOMICIDAL!i said,Pete's still here isn't he??
(for some reason,i have no problem speaking with doctors)