(no subject)
Anyways, I'm sitting in the library and its 11:01 PM on Monday night. Today I had a paper due for Sociology at 10 AM and I didn't do it and I've been at school trying to do it all day and all night. So far I've written two paragraphs, about two thirds of a page. It has to be three pages.
This is the kind of thing thats painfully uninteresting to read about in livejournal posts. There are precious few things that are interesting to read about in livejournal posts, but I think how much school work people are or aren't doing is especially uninteresting.
The other morning I woke up, and for a minute I had no idea where I was, what this heavy thing-then who this person was on top of me, why I was laying on a hard floor, or why I was soaking wet. There's actually still a bit of mystery as to that last question. It was just one morning of a few recent ones where I wake up and have to drive home still drunk, still able to feel the toxins in my brain. This isn't as interesting as it sounds: I think I actually drink a lot less than I have during various times over the last year, which was never excessive to begin with. My biology teacher said that whenever you throw up, its because you have toxins in your brain. Thats why I can now feel the presence of toxins in my brain when I drink. Today my biology teacher also called me up to the front of the class to have me discuss, to the whole class, the health benefits of vegetarianism. Unfortunately, I was not present in class today. Its a serious missed opportunity, but then again I wasn't expecting or prepared for it at all, I could have botched it.
I really, really wish that getting a girl pregnant would have magically changed me into a responsible and industrious person. This may come as a surprise, but it didn't. Somehow, having unprotected sex and conceiving a child didn't render me any more thoughtful, organized, or hard-working. I actually spend my time in markedly better ways than I did before, because I'm separated from a lot of the negative things I was around before. Now I spend my time reading news, listening to NPR and BBC, and yes, reading livejournal. These are at least things that have the potential to make me smarter, more literate person. But what I don't do is school work. I don't look for a new job. I don't think about the practical stuff that everyone else thinks about. All of those things, those things that are really important to the life of my child, are still as foreign and as hard to conceive of as they always have been. And its pretty scary.
Saturday I went to Ashlee's mother's family's baby shower. It was me and Ashlee and a couple of her friends, and all of what I'll call my new black family. I acted much like I would at a gathering of my own family, mostly quiet and pretty sweet, and everyone was very nice, except one guy who, judging by his blue tooth and general demeanor, I could tell I might not be too fond of from the start. Oh well, I'll take one two cool for school, dismissive 30 something year old clinging to youth culture with my very supportive, positive new black family. And it looks like they'll take me. And I'll take this thought, that I kept thinking all day that day, too: I can't imagine a single one of my friends in this situation, I can't imagine a single one of them in my shoes. I can't believe I'm there at all. This situation is certainly difficult and scary, but it is a pretty strong feeling to know that you've struck out on a path in life that is yours, that you will have experiences that, while not earth shattering, are as unique to you as your own fingerprints. Situations to which you feel uniquely suited, that you are the best if not only man who could do this, who could walk in your own shoes.
This is the kind of thing thats painfully uninteresting to read about in livejournal posts. There are precious few things that are interesting to read about in livejournal posts, but I think how much school work people are or aren't doing is especially uninteresting.
The other morning I woke up, and for a minute I had no idea where I was, what this heavy thing-then who this person was on top of me, why I was laying on a hard floor, or why I was soaking wet. There's actually still a bit of mystery as to that last question. It was just one morning of a few recent ones where I wake up and have to drive home still drunk, still able to feel the toxins in my brain. This isn't as interesting as it sounds: I think I actually drink a lot less than I have during various times over the last year, which was never excessive to begin with. My biology teacher said that whenever you throw up, its because you have toxins in your brain. Thats why I can now feel the presence of toxins in my brain when I drink. Today my biology teacher also called me up to the front of the class to have me discuss, to the whole class, the health benefits of vegetarianism. Unfortunately, I was not present in class today. Its a serious missed opportunity, but then again I wasn't expecting or prepared for it at all, I could have botched it.
I really, really wish that getting a girl pregnant would have magically changed me into a responsible and industrious person. This may come as a surprise, but it didn't. Somehow, having unprotected sex and conceiving a child didn't render me any more thoughtful, organized, or hard-working. I actually spend my time in markedly better ways than I did before, because I'm separated from a lot of the negative things I was around before. Now I spend my time reading news, listening to NPR and BBC, and yes, reading livejournal. These are at least things that have the potential to make me smarter, more literate person. But what I don't do is school work. I don't look for a new job. I don't think about the practical stuff that everyone else thinks about. All of those things, those things that are really important to the life of my child, are still as foreign and as hard to conceive of as they always have been. And its pretty scary.
Saturday I went to Ashlee's mother's family's baby shower. It was me and Ashlee and a couple of her friends, and all of what I'll call my new black family. I acted much like I would at a gathering of my own family, mostly quiet and pretty sweet, and everyone was very nice, except one guy who, judging by his blue tooth and general demeanor, I could tell I might not be too fond of from the start. Oh well, I'll take one two cool for school, dismissive 30 something year old clinging to youth culture with my very supportive, positive new black family. And it looks like they'll take me. And I'll take this thought, that I kept thinking all day that day, too: I can't imagine a single one of my friends in this situation, I can't imagine a single one of them in my shoes. I can't believe I'm there at all. This situation is certainly difficult and scary, but it is a pretty strong feeling to know that you've struck out on a path in life that is yours, that you will have experiences that, while not earth shattering, are as unique to you as your own fingerprints. Situations to which you feel uniquely suited, that you are the best if not only man who could do this, who could walk in your own shoes.