what?
scratching my head i try to tell myself life has meaning music repeating in my melon heart pounding vision blurred tears forming but not felt tears i think i just yawned too much tired so tired but a million things to do shit i wish i wish i wish i dont know i never know why does it feel like theres a tidal wave in my hands i cant explain it but it pisses me off my head feels fragile too if that makes sense maybe i do feel the tears now except now i see things clearly isnt that funny i couldnt see anything when i couldnt feel and now i feel the only feeling that i feel and it hurts but i like it because i understand now and it reminds me why id paint myself red sometimes sometimes it hurt when i heard that sling or maybe i just imagined it distracted from what i was almost involuntarily focusing on emotional pain to physical pain a balance remember sometimes my triggers were as asinine as to actually punish myself so i tried to figure out what was wrong with me and what was right with me and that just screwed everything up so with my selective hearing i tried to block my own thoughts out i directed my attention to the music which overall has helped more than anything