like flowers, dead words can be beautiful too.
I just..... I want to be able to talk about my day again. I want to come back here so I can bitch about work, hell doing that would probably prevent me from getting into a fight with someone about it. I want to just ramble, I used to be so good at rambling. There are so many times during the day where I have private thoughts to myself that are actually I guess.. kind of interesting. So much that I want to just externalize it, I don't really care if anybody reads my journal any more. I don't care if nobody will read what I did that day or that week, even though it may seem like I'm speaking to an audience. I guess I just need the illusion that someone's listening, without having to connect. This is a very one way dialog. I don't speak to one person, or to certain people, but I address what I'm saying with an unidentifiable counterpart. I've always done so in these journals of mine, these diaries.. notebooks. Loose paper, napkins. When I write, I don't censor myself because some things are usually taboo to address, or express. I don't save a thought for a private journal, I don't normally need to keep things to myself when I write and if there is a thought I have that I can keep for my own I do just that, I keep it inside this crazy vessel of a mind. If I want something to be private, I will do it. If I want a secret I will never let it exit my mind, in my secret hiding place. It's nice knowing that I hold information that will never be leaked to this world, not any other living being will know of it's existence or it's content. It will have no effect on the ripple that the world rides on. I like to think that if I ever did release such things it would be unleashed and will gravitate through the simple minds of tomorrow and end up somewhere on a butterfly in a tropic rainforest. Hm. It's interesting that I began to think that I want to write more simply, yet ended up in a complex thought involving consciousness. I think this is just further proof that I'm not capable of just being able to say.... hi. Today I woke up, and started my day. I stared out my window before I got up and I noticed a silhouette of leaves dangling from the branches on the tree outside that kind of dance with the wind. I laid there thinking about how I'm going to start my day then realized there doesn't need to be a start or a beginning so I laid there until I felt comfortable enough to get up and take a shower. And I think that was a great way to start my day.