I loved you you never had to say

[xcherry16kissx]

I'm beginning to have doubts about a lot of things and where I stand. I guess it's a little too late to be having doubts and second thoughts but the thing is- is that I am... I just don't feel like it's ever going to be enough like I'm ever going to be enough. Like I thought I would be okay with Ben's past and trying to get over the strip club

Comments

[gothicrainbow]

"Especially when we are complete opposities... I just don't feel like I even compare I feel like he did so much more for her and I can't understand it- and the thing is is that I know he does alot of me and he tries... but I don't know... I can't explain it... "

i know wat u mean. its how i feel about jackies ex. at least ben doesnt have a kid with her. dont get me wrong i love amber but i have to deal with her everyother weekend he has to talk to her give her money and all that and it eats me alive because i know he loved her. he was engaged to her. he spent 4 years tryin to make it work with her even tho i KNEW it wasnt gonna work because shes trash and u cant change trash. he would prolly still be with her if she hadnt cheated on him. so i KNOW where ur comin from with that. i dont like for him to go anywhere around her if im not with him or talk to her on the fone if im not in the room. and it pisses him off cuz he says i dont trust him but hes the same way with tina (my ex) he knew i loved her. i talked to him about her too. i cant even talk to her. he wont let me. i mean i still wanted to be friends with her but i cant because he wont let me. but he can talk to his ex. the one he loved. the one he was gonna marry. see where im comin from? he even told her he loved her once while i was in the room. and he wonders y i dont like him around her or talkin to her. so yea i understand wat u mean.

but..

im gonna make it work. its my issue. its a trust issue i have because of mine and tinas relationship. im gonna have to get over it. because in the end i do infact love jackie with all my heart and want to be with him and want to help raise amber (cuz god knows his ex isnt a good mom lettin a 20 month old play with a wild snake) and raise my baby with jackie. i dont want to lose him. and im gonna do everythin i can to keep him. i dont know everythin thats goin on with u but i do know ur a good person and ur gonna make a great mom. dont tell urself lies like that. u dont need to be in a psychiatrict ward. if u question the fact of bein a good wife/mom then chances r ur gonna do fine ;o). remember when u stress the baby stresses. try ur best not to think about it. i KNOW its hard. but u jus gotta try!

[xcherry16kissx]

I know exactly what you mean- Ben has nothing to do with his ex- but she has a picture of them on her myspace and it eats me alive and then I found an old website he had and it was this huge thing talking about how great she was and how they had so much chemistry when they first met and how perfect she was blah blah blah and im like that's not really something I wanted to read- but it was written a year and a half ago before we even met so I don't know what the big deal is but it still bugs me because I dont want to think he ever felt the way I feel about him towards anybody else ya know? and it just sucks because he did get married and thats one thing it said in the website was how badly they wanted to get married and they tried to get married all the time and stuff and it's like but he tells me it wasnt a real marriage- they were married 2 months and then he moved back to raleigh with his parents and they talked all the way up till july and then me and him met july 15th and he quit talking to her- like he said it never meant anything to him and it was all her and he was brainwashed and everything but i just have a hard time seeing it and it's so weird that i have a hard time trusting him because it's like i odnt ever think he would cheat on me but i dont believe him when he says his past meant nothing and he was confused and didnt know how he really felt. ahh what is wrong with these guys erykah lol