Tis a far far better deed i do...
I swear to God I am okay with who I am, but I know some of the shit I do is not "normal" so I feel bad for some things... latest deal I am going through... Numb. Again. Period. Last time I was in this mode my life spun out of control. I can't do that this time because I have got it all together, I have got the good job, the baby, the house, the bills pretty much caught up... I can't lose everything I have worked so hard for after splitting with Terry. But I feel so self destructive it's insane. I feel so angry it's killing me. I don't even know who I am angry at so then I go back to numb.
I don't think I am pissed at Terry anymore for hurting me.. I think i am more pissed at myself for allowing the whole thing to hurt me. I think I am mad at myself for actually liking people I know aren't good for me. Then excusing myself for or making excuses for myself to not treat myself right. Like I think my heart is so broken that I actually can't love anyone except my daughter and family of course. But not even myself.
Always falling for the uncatchable catch. Chasing memories of loves from ten years ago. Driving myself insane. To be honest with you I haven't been ok since the first real heart break. I still think about him all the time... am I crazy? The fact that I am still thinking about a dude I haven't seen or talked to in like 5 years? I don't think I will ever love like that again... so free so innocent so blind.
No love will ever be that good... cause I can't fall that hard again. To the point where I am not guarded.... and it kills me... that when I close my eyes, I'm somewhere with you.
Chasity Myers
Create Your Badge
I don't think I am pissed at Terry anymore for hurting me.. I think i am more pissed at myself for allowing the whole thing to hurt me. I think I am mad at myself for actually liking people I know aren't good for me. Then excusing myself for or making excuses for myself to not treat myself right. Like I think my heart is so broken that I actually can't love anyone except my daughter and family of course. But not even myself.
Always falling for the uncatchable catch. Chasing memories of loves from ten years ago. Driving myself insane. To be honest with you I haven't been ok since the first real heart break. I still think about him all the time... am I crazy? The fact that I am still thinking about a dude I haven't seen or talked to in like 5 years? I don't think I will ever love like that again... so free so innocent so blind.
No love will ever be that good... cause I can't fall that hard again. To the point where I am not guarded.... and it kills me... that when I close my eyes, I'm somewhere with you.
Chasity Myers
Create Your Badge