Over thinking alot lately....
Once I figured out I was not going to be rich I started over thinking way to much. I can not put a distinct place on when my way of thinking changed but I want to think it was while I was in the Marine Corps. I hated life so much that I would just think and think and think and things stopped being fun. Like in general I see my daughter she brightens up my day and that is one things I can over think and it just keeps getting better. But if I am out drinking with my friends sometimes I have fun but sometimes especially if I do not have the money or I am just mad at someone it's not fun anymore so why do it?
I get mad and frustrated with my life. LIke yesterday I worked on my day off doing sales then I came home raked leaves, then I cooked dinner and watched a movie with Isabel. It seems so routine work clean cook watch tv and sleep wake up tomorrow do it again. It's not fun anymore. It's an ordinary life. It's a good life. Something to be proud of but I am still uphappy. Like where is the passion where is the mystery where is the surprise. Isn't this what you work for? You work to be a good mom, a good wife, have a good home and live a good life. I have it. Why is it not fun? Do not get me wrong I am totally grateful just missing that spark of excitement. I have tried to find it partying but that doesn't do it. I have tried doing relaxation but that doesn't do it. Like maybe I just need a good vacation just Terry and me to feel free. To have fun with him. We do not get to have alot of fun together. I want to feel close to him again like I used to. I used to put my head on his chest and feel like I couldn't not get close enough to him and I have not felt that in a while. I want that feeling again with him. I want the resentment and frustration to stop and the loving and excitement back. How do we get there? Is it even possible? Have things gotten to far gone? Over thinking everything and trying to hard to have fun can make things not just natural like they should be.
I get mad and frustrated with my life. LIke yesterday I worked on my day off doing sales then I came home raked leaves, then I cooked dinner and watched a movie with Isabel. It seems so routine work clean cook watch tv and sleep wake up tomorrow do it again. It's not fun anymore. It's an ordinary life. It's a good life. Something to be proud of but I am still uphappy. Like where is the passion where is the mystery where is the surprise. Isn't this what you work for? You work to be a good mom, a good wife, have a good home and live a good life. I have it. Why is it not fun? Do not get me wrong I am totally grateful just missing that spark of excitement. I have tried to find it partying but that doesn't do it. I have tried doing relaxation but that doesn't do it. Like maybe I just need a good vacation just Terry and me to feel free. To have fun with him. We do not get to have alot of fun together. I want to feel close to him again like I used to. I used to put my head on his chest and feel like I couldn't not get close enough to him and I have not felt that in a while. I want that feeling again with him. I want the resentment and frustration to stop and the loving and excitement back. How do we get there? Is it even possible? Have things gotten to far gone? Over thinking everything and trying to hard to have fun can make things not just natural like they should be.