i feel sick.
everything happens for a reason. he's in a better place. he's looking down on us now. no cliche makes any of this feel better. No, i wasn't john's best friend. most likely, a week ago, if i had to name 50 people from stevenson that i knew, i wouldn't even mention his name. but that doesn't make it any easier. you could tell, just by a look in his eye that he was a good person...someone who was going to do something for himself, go places, make people happy. the truth of the matter is that he did go somewhere, he did do something for himself, and from the outpour of people that were affected by all of this, i KNOW that he made people happy. it's so easy to be mad at God right now. yes, i trust that God knows what He's doing...i will attest my own life to that..but does that mean i have to agree with it? every funeral ive been to, there's been a sense of "it was for the best." it won't be that way this time. last night i prayed harder than i ever have. harder than when my grandma died, or on 9/11. it helped. it's weird. as angry as i am with God right now, and how much pain i feel for john's family and closer friends, i feel more in touch with God than i really ever have...and i've never trusted Him more. all this, and i haven't been to church in months. i keep telling myself that God knows what He's doing. He has a plan. Everything will make sense one day. But until then all i can do is pray for John's family, friends, and anyone that really ever met him, because he really was the type of guy that would make an impression on you...someone you could be comfortable with, even if you didn't know him that well.
So in a time like this, when our hearts are pouring out for someone would would undoubtedly do the same, I'm reminded of the people that i love, and the ones that love me. those that i don't talk to anymore, and those that i do. I'm trying to make it a point to tell people how much i appreciate them, and thank them for surrounding my life with real, true love. thank you. i really do love you.
JM R.I.P. 2/18/2006
So in a time like this, when our hearts are pouring out for someone would would undoubtedly do the same, I'm reminded of the people that i love, and the ones that love me. those that i don't talk to anymore, and those that i do. I'm trying to make it a point to tell people how much i appreciate them, and thank them for surrounding my life with real, true love. thank you. i really do love you.
JM R.I.P. 2/18/2006