back to where i started..... i hope god is watching over me
it has been far to long that i have writtin on this. my life has changed so much from 11 months ago. my entire life and world has fallen apart around me and been reconstructed again. I still dont understand all that has happened to me. everything has just been a blurr. The weirdest thing is i still think about it all, and it still makes me cry... I dont know why. i had it come crashing down so hard on me i guess and it really did change me, and scar me. i never will be the same after all that. but days and nights come and go, and 20 years from now ill probably have to go through it again.but i know i will still get that same blank feeling inside, and that warm pain in the corner of my right eye where it alwasy starts. there is nothing i can change now, but just hope that it never happens that bad again... i guess this is all i have left now..
people have constantly been asking me what all my tattoos mean, these always come in wierd block periods of time. i dont know why, but i know that latly they have helped me out alot, and they will always have the same meaning and affect on me. they bring good and bad memories when i look at them, the worst part about the bad memories is i will always have to look at them, there with me forever..
i hear my heart beat outloud every night when i lay in bed, i stare constantly at the ceiling with my back agaisnt the wall. the images ive seen scroll across my eyes in my mind over and over again.i never get to sleep. ive helped people, but yet all they care about is the bloodshed ive had on my hands, and why i didnt help them. to be honest, i dont care. does it make me a sinner that i am numb to these darkest days that have come? im not sure what to do anymore... im dying out here, it scares me half to death cuz if i dont make it to heaven whats to live for after death. i wish i could wash my conscious clean...
i dont understand what i write sometimes, i just have random thoughts that come out when i write..
people have constantly been asking me what all my tattoos mean, these always come in wierd block periods of time. i dont know why, but i know that latly they have helped me out alot, and they will always have the same meaning and affect on me. they bring good and bad memories when i look at them, the worst part about the bad memories is i will always have to look at them, there with me forever..
i hear my heart beat outloud every night when i lay in bed, i stare constantly at the ceiling with my back agaisnt the wall. the images ive seen scroll across my eyes in my mind over and over again.i never get to sleep. ive helped people, but yet all they care about is the bloodshed ive had on my hands, and why i didnt help them. to be honest, i dont care. does it make me a sinner that i am numb to these darkest days that have come? im not sure what to do anymore... im dying out here, it scares me half to death cuz if i dont make it to heaven whats to live for after death. i wish i could wash my conscious clean...
i dont understand what i write sometimes, i just have random thoughts that come out when i write..