II.Sing of the Damage.II{s/a,563words}
Title: Sing of the Damage
Rating: PG-13?
Pairing: Brendon/Jon. Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer.
Summary: Brendon's not exactly sure when it happened. Just that it did.
That somewhere along the line he stopped seeing his boyfriend when he closed his eyes, and started seeing his best friend. Who also happened to be dating his other best friend.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Author Notes: I found this too. Writen by request of Jenny (xcatchadreamx) a while ago.
Send out the morning birds
To sing of the damage
Now that the calm's returned
I know I can't manage
You're standing in my doorway
Though he's asleep in my bed
The steady murmur
Always in my head
Brendon's not exactly sure when it happened. Just that it did.
That somewhere along the line he stopped seeing his boyfriend when he closed his eyes, and started seeing his best friend. Who also happened to be dating his other best friend.
That somewhere along the line he fell in love with Jon Walker.
That somewhere along the line Jon Walker loved him back.
That somewhere along the line he learned there was nothing they could do about it.
Love can only conquer all if you're willing to sacrifice, to hurt and to be hurt. Brendon wasn't.
He wouldn't lose his band and his best friend's, his life and his Ryan. Not for anything, and especially not for Jon Walker and his stupid, lazy smile and the way he was always perfectly willing to hold his hand when not even his own boyfriend would.
Not that it was Ryan's fault. That's just the way Ryan was and Brendon had always loved it. He just had to remind himself sometimes, mostly the times when he was in Jon's bunk, snuggled against him and wishing it wasn't so wrong.
Jon always made it okay, though. He never made it feel wrong.
Brendon wouldn't feel guilty when Jon held him a little closer, a little longer. He wouldn't feel guilty when Jon pressed his lips to his neck and murmured 'I love you'. He wouldn't even feel guilty when they were naked and intertwined, moaning and grasping for the more they could never have.
He wouldn't feel guilty until he had to look Ryan in the eyes and give him the same words he gave Jon. He meant them. He did love Ryan. He just didn't want to be Ryan's.
Than there was Spencer. Spencer, who always gave Brendon a bright smile and a tight hug in the morning. Spencer, who loved Jon with all his heart, looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. You could say Brendon felt guilty about that too.
Mostly he was angry though. That Spencer had Jon, that Ryan had him, that he didn't really want things to change but at the same time kept waiting for that magical happy ending to come along and save things.
He told Jon that once.
Jon just half smiled, "There's no such thing as a happy ending, baby."
Some days it upset Brendon more than usual. On those days, Jon would just pull him close and kiss his head.
"One day we'll just do it." He would say. "We'll tell them, we'll leave if we have to. I promise. Do you trust me? I promise."
Brendon would nod along. He would smile when Jon asked and say, yeah, of course he trusted him. He meant that too.
Brendon cries himself to sleep every night that Jon doesn't make good on his promise.
And since the roof fell in
I'll lean on what matters
Caught in the slightest wind
Everything else unravels
You're the finest thing that I've done
The hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still
But I don't believe that it ever will
Rating: PG-13?
Pairing: Brendon/Jon. Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer.
Summary: Brendon's not exactly sure when it happened. Just that it did.
That somewhere along the line he stopped seeing his boyfriend when he closed his eyes, and started seeing his best friend. Who also happened to be dating his other best friend.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Author Notes: I found this too. Writen by request of Jenny (xcatchadreamx) a while ago.
Send out the morning birds
To sing of the damage
Now that the calm's returned
I know I can't manage
You're standing in my doorway
Though he's asleep in my bed
The steady murmur
Always in my head
Brendon's not exactly sure when it happened. Just that it did.
That somewhere along the line he stopped seeing his boyfriend when he closed his eyes, and started seeing his best friend. Who also happened to be dating his other best friend.
That somewhere along the line he fell in love with Jon Walker.
That somewhere along the line Jon Walker loved him back.
That somewhere along the line he learned there was nothing they could do about it.
Love can only conquer all if you're willing to sacrifice, to hurt and to be hurt. Brendon wasn't.
He wouldn't lose his band and his best friend's, his life and his Ryan. Not for anything, and especially not for Jon Walker and his stupid, lazy smile and the way he was always perfectly willing to hold his hand when not even his own boyfriend would.
Not that it was Ryan's fault. That's just the way Ryan was and Brendon had always loved it. He just had to remind himself sometimes, mostly the times when he was in Jon's bunk, snuggled against him and wishing it wasn't so wrong.
Jon always made it okay, though. He never made it feel wrong.
Brendon wouldn't feel guilty when Jon held him a little closer, a little longer. He wouldn't feel guilty when Jon pressed his lips to his neck and murmured 'I love you'. He wouldn't even feel guilty when they were naked and intertwined, moaning and grasping for the more they could never have.
He wouldn't feel guilty until he had to look Ryan in the eyes and give him the same words he gave Jon. He meant them. He did love Ryan. He just didn't want to be Ryan's.
Than there was Spencer. Spencer, who always gave Brendon a bright smile and a tight hug in the morning. Spencer, who loved Jon with all his heart, looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. You could say Brendon felt guilty about that too.
Mostly he was angry though. That Spencer had Jon, that Ryan had him, that he didn't really want things to change but at the same time kept waiting for that magical happy ending to come along and save things.
He told Jon that once.
Jon just half smiled, "There's no such thing as a happy ending, baby."
Some days it upset Brendon more than usual. On those days, Jon would just pull him close and kiss his head.
"One day we'll just do it." He would say. "We'll tell them, we'll leave if we have to. I promise. Do you trust me? I promise."
Brendon would nod along. He would smile when Jon asked and say, yeah, of course he trusted him. He meant that too.
Brendon cries himself to sleep every night that Jon doesn't make good on his promise.
And since the roof fell in
I'll lean on what matters
Caught in the slightest wind
Everything else unravels
You're the finest thing that I've done
The hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still
But I don't believe that it ever will