(no subject)
ELLEGIRL: hi, captain oats. thanks for taking the time to talk with us. first question - how old were you when you became a part of the Cohen family?
CAPTAIN OATS: i am ageless. I am timeless. I am God.
ELLE GIRL: Okaaay.... So, you aren't a standar breyer toy horse?
CAPTAIN OATS: what's a breyer horse? i am a horse with no name.
ELLE GIRL: at what store were you bought?
CAPTAIN OATS: i was found in a reed basket floating down a river. I could've been the leader of the Jews if Seth hadn't intervened.
ELLE GIRL: moving forward - do you have a favorite childhood memory of seth?
CAPTAIN OATS: nay.
ELLE GIRL: good one. has seth ever accidentally injured you as a result of horseplay?
CAPTAIN OATS: seth has never been anything but loving. his mom, kirsten, on the other hand, is a little rough around the hooves.
ELLE GIRL: does seth talk in his sleep or snore?
CAPTAIN OATS: he purrs.
ELLE GIRL: thats sexy. speaking of sexy, what do you think of summer?
CAPTAIN OATS: dude, summer is hot and all. but she's not anna. who i really wanna get with is summer's horse, princess sparkle. that horse is tiiight.
ELLE GIRL: do you get jealous of seth's girlfriends?
CAPTAIN OATS: im just surprised seth isn't gay.
ELLE GIRL: are you currently involved with anyone?
CAPTAIN OATS: im on the market. must be 32 hands high and weigh 15 stone. appaloosas need apply.
ELLE GIRL: that sounds like a whole lotta mare. whats the best advice you've given seth, mr oats?
CAPTAIN OATS: i think my silence says it all.
ELLE GIRL: yes, you strike us as the string, silent type. do you think seth is romantically inept?
CAPTAIN OATS: that kid is a stallion, and i should know.
ELLE GIRL: do you like his friends?
CAPTAIN OATS: i like ryan. but i still think he's after the cohen's money. this is off the record, right?
ELLE GIRL: um...sure it is. are you close with mr and mrs cohen?
CAPTAIN OATS: sandy and kiki? sure, we go back. but things havent been the same since sandy accused me of giving kirsten the ole "horse eye". between you and me, i think kirsten could lay off the sauce a little.
ELLE GIRL: whats a normal day like for you?
CAPTAIN OATS: i stand on seth's shelf and...well, that pretty much covers it. i tried pilates, but it didn't take.
ELLE GIRL: favorite music?
CAPTAIN OATS: im basically stuck with seth's whiny emo. i wouldnt mind something with some bugles. or a "camptown races". thats a classic.
ELLE GIRL: do you look up to other horses? mister ed? seabiscuit?
CAPTAIN OATS: seabiscuit sold out, man. guys got no stable cred.
ELLE GIRL: were not coming on to you, but lets face it, you're a very handsome horse. whats your secret to looking so shiny and new?
CAPTAIN OATS: i swear by creme de la mer. and the dr brandt skincare line. and i try to stay out of the sun. by sun, i mean desk lamps.
ELLE GIRL: last question - my little ponies: cute or annoying?
CAPTAIN OATS: totally hot and totally easy. especially the pegasus.
This is from the American May ElleGirl!!!
CAPTAIN OATS: i am ageless. I am timeless. I am God.
ELLE GIRL: Okaaay.... So, you aren't a standar breyer toy horse?
CAPTAIN OATS: what's a breyer horse? i am a horse with no name.
ELLE GIRL: at what store were you bought?
CAPTAIN OATS: i was found in a reed basket floating down a river. I could've been the leader of the Jews if Seth hadn't intervened.
ELLE GIRL: moving forward - do you have a favorite childhood memory of seth?
CAPTAIN OATS: nay.
ELLE GIRL: good one. has seth ever accidentally injured you as a result of horseplay?
CAPTAIN OATS: seth has never been anything but loving. his mom, kirsten, on the other hand, is a little rough around the hooves.
ELLE GIRL: does seth talk in his sleep or snore?
CAPTAIN OATS: he purrs.
ELLE GIRL: thats sexy. speaking of sexy, what do you think of summer?
CAPTAIN OATS: dude, summer is hot and all. but she's not anna. who i really wanna get with is summer's horse, princess sparkle. that horse is tiiight.
ELLE GIRL: do you get jealous of seth's girlfriends?
CAPTAIN OATS: im just surprised seth isn't gay.
ELLE GIRL: are you currently involved with anyone?
CAPTAIN OATS: im on the market. must be 32 hands high and weigh 15 stone. appaloosas need apply.
ELLE GIRL: that sounds like a whole lotta mare. whats the best advice you've given seth, mr oats?
CAPTAIN OATS: i think my silence says it all.
ELLE GIRL: yes, you strike us as the string, silent type. do you think seth is romantically inept?
CAPTAIN OATS: that kid is a stallion, and i should know.
ELLE GIRL: do you like his friends?
CAPTAIN OATS: i like ryan. but i still think he's after the cohen's money. this is off the record, right?
ELLE GIRL: um...sure it is. are you close with mr and mrs cohen?
CAPTAIN OATS: sandy and kiki? sure, we go back. but things havent been the same since sandy accused me of giving kirsten the ole "horse eye". between you and me, i think kirsten could lay off the sauce a little.
ELLE GIRL: whats a normal day like for you?
CAPTAIN OATS: i stand on seth's shelf and...well, that pretty much covers it. i tried pilates, but it didn't take.
ELLE GIRL: favorite music?
CAPTAIN OATS: im basically stuck with seth's whiny emo. i wouldnt mind something with some bugles. or a "camptown races". thats a classic.
ELLE GIRL: do you look up to other horses? mister ed? seabiscuit?
CAPTAIN OATS: seabiscuit sold out, man. guys got no stable cred.
ELLE GIRL: were not coming on to you, but lets face it, you're a very handsome horse. whats your secret to looking so shiny and new?
CAPTAIN OATS: i swear by creme de la mer. and the dr brandt skincare line. and i try to stay out of the sun. by sun, i mean desk lamps.
ELLE GIRL: last question - my little ponies: cute or annoying?
CAPTAIN OATS: totally hot and totally easy. especially the pegasus.
This is from the American May ElleGirl!!!