:-/
I don't update this thing much anymore. I'm going to fall sucker to it and go.
Yet another problem I must face. Again I think I am going to suck it up and take it like a man. Shed no tears, show no emotion, just bottle it up and store it. We'll see how long that lasts. This one really opened my eyes and stung more than any other, but I expected it and saw it coming. I prepared to a point where I wouldn't immediately break down.
I still think about it all the time, but I'm finding ways to divert my thoughts and emotions, possibly things I should have been doing all along. I see that now. I know I don't see it enough to act but I know soon I will. I put too much into it and removed the air from her lungs. It's my problem. I hope to fix it so I don't do it to anyone else. I am working on it because knowing what it did to someone else intimidates me into submission because I don't want to do it to another, I really don't. I think that time apart was what I should have asked for so I could have learned this a month ago, but being as selfish as I was, I didn't ask for it. It's my fault. Things could be different now. Things are very different now and that part of me is missing. I'm shoving in everything I can to fill it up but it's still half empty. I realize that I need to stay away from the normal things I have done over the past 6 months because all they do is bring a memory to mind, a moment I wanted to remember. I have to stay away.
Gone to a fest for the weekend to fix my mind, see some friends, and get away from my computer.
Yet another problem I must face. Again I think I am going to suck it up and take it like a man. Shed no tears, show no emotion, just bottle it up and store it. We'll see how long that lasts. This one really opened my eyes and stung more than any other, but I expected it and saw it coming. I prepared to a point where I wouldn't immediately break down.
I still think about it all the time, but I'm finding ways to divert my thoughts and emotions, possibly things I should have been doing all along. I see that now. I know I don't see it enough to act but I know soon I will. I put too much into it and removed the air from her lungs. It's my problem. I hope to fix it so I don't do it to anyone else. I am working on it because knowing what it did to someone else intimidates me into submission because I don't want to do it to another, I really don't. I think that time apart was what I should have asked for so I could have learned this a month ago, but being as selfish as I was, I didn't ask for it. It's my fault. Things could be different now. Things are very different now and that part of me is missing. I'm shoving in everything I can to fill it up but it's still half empty. I realize that I need to stay away from the normal things I have done over the past 6 months because all they do is bring a memory to mind, a moment I wanted to remember. I have to stay away.
Gone to a fest for the weekend to fix my mind, see some friends, and get away from my computer.