(no subject)
I broke up with hogan.
It was probably one of the hardest things i've had to do in my life. It would have been a lot easier if there was something really wrong in our relationship, like he was abusive, or controling. But he's amazing. I mean everyone has their downfalls, and i know what his are. So i guess that part of the break up is because of them, but not in the typical way that it sounds. I love hogan. I probably always will. The reason for the break up is because i felt that we both needed to grow as people seperate from eachother. We are both in crucial times in our lives in college. and i feel that neither of us have grown individually. So, thats what i told him. We're both young, we've been together for almost 2 years, but known eachother and been in eachothers lives for 5. I've seen him grow through out those years, when we weren't together and thats what i want for him, is to grow with out me by his side for now. and if we reconnct in a couple months, see where we're both at. if we've grown up apart from eachother but are still growing together(i don't know if that made sence but it does to me) then we can try again. And our relationship would be so much stronger because of it. But, if we grow up apart from eachother and find that we're not in the same place in our lives, or we've changed so much that we're not the ones for eachother. Then it was the best thing we could have done. To find out now, rather than when its too late.
All of this would have been a lot easier if he had been a jerk when i talked to him, but he wasn't. He was very willing, and i know that it was breaking his heart,because my heart was breaking. I felt it emotionally and physically. The entire week while i was trying to process through everything i felt like i was going to throw up. then i told him, and my chest ached. and i just cried. I'm crying now. This is going to be tough, and i know there will be times where i'm lonely and i just want to call and see how he's doing. but i have to be strong. I have to do this for the both of us. soon enough i'll be back at school, busy, and more distracted. But i don't know if that will even help.
gosh, this sucks.
It was probably one of the hardest things i've had to do in my life. It would have been a lot easier if there was something really wrong in our relationship, like he was abusive, or controling. But he's amazing. I mean everyone has their downfalls, and i know what his are. So i guess that part of the break up is because of them, but not in the typical way that it sounds. I love hogan. I probably always will. The reason for the break up is because i felt that we both needed to grow as people seperate from eachother. We are both in crucial times in our lives in college. and i feel that neither of us have grown individually. So, thats what i told him. We're both young, we've been together for almost 2 years, but known eachother and been in eachothers lives for 5. I've seen him grow through out those years, when we weren't together and thats what i want for him, is to grow with out me by his side for now. and if we reconnct in a couple months, see where we're both at. if we've grown up apart from eachother but are still growing together(i don't know if that made sence but it does to me) then we can try again. And our relationship would be so much stronger because of it. But, if we grow up apart from eachother and find that we're not in the same place in our lives, or we've changed so much that we're not the ones for eachother. Then it was the best thing we could have done. To find out now, rather than when its too late.
All of this would have been a lot easier if he had been a jerk when i talked to him, but he wasn't. He was very willing, and i know that it was breaking his heart,because my heart was breaking. I felt it emotionally and physically. The entire week while i was trying to process through everything i felt like i was going to throw up. then i told him, and my chest ached. and i just cried. I'm crying now. This is going to be tough, and i know there will be times where i'm lonely and i just want to call and see how he's doing. but i have to be strong. I have to do this for the both of us. soon enough i'll be back at school, busy, and more distracted. But i don't know if that will even help.
gosh, this sucks.