still out of a car
So as you guys may know, my old ass geo prism broke down last month-ish b/c the transmission failed on me. So now I have to learn stick...Great, I know I'm gonna kill Teresa's car. I'm so bad at stick.
Anyway, life is better. I was going through some depression, and still kinda am, but things have gotten a lot better. A part of me keeps on remembering the painful memories of living with Madeline and Sam...and I wouldn't have been nearly as broke as I am now if they didn't steal my college money....Like I'm really broke...And I'm paying my bills, plus pretty much most of the utilities...just so my parents can save up and pay me back my $4000.....And the worst part is, I hate asking for money from them. It sucks.
I think another part of my sadness is because of Brigette. Brigette has her moments, but she might have to serve some time coz federal is taking up her case....I'm just really scared for her...
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear John Letter
As much as I would like to acknowledge the fact that we're still friends,
I realize that you're right, that things can never be the same again.
I've been thinking a lot...about what happened...and I realize that its a continuous chain of disappointment for me...With every man I've come across....A Buddhist monk once told me that if I only walked on sunny days, I would never reach my destination. And I know if I don't confront this situation in some way, even when I know you will never read this, I'll always have situations like this happen to me.
You were one of those people who turned my mind on. I was so in tune to you. I believed you were in tune to me. And I'm not mad about what you had ultimately wanted...i'm more mad at myself for letting this same situation happen to me over and over and over again. And because of that, its hard to even think about dating another person. I believe I am over you...although the idea of you still resonates in my mind. I'm too scared that it might happen once more. How could I prevent it???
And I'm not even sure where our friendship stands. I believe you and I are in good standing too. But seriously, how often do we run into each other? How often do we call each other? IMing is even becoming more dry. I wish things could have been like before...but lets face reality. I'm still thinking about what happened...and you're still sorry that things happened that way.
I still feel bad for lying to you...by telling you I've forgotten all about it and that its silly for you to still feel bad for it. But you shouldn't feel bad about it though...and thats the truth....Its just that I haven't forgotten yet. I wish I could.
I've been through far too much. With family, friends, and guys. I don't really feel as though I'm capable of being an object of affection...in any scenario. All I can depend on is myself.
And I wish someone could show me that I'm wrong, but I still have yet to come across such a person.
I'm over you...I'm just not over the idea of you....
Anyway, life is better. I was going through some depression, and still kinda am, but things have gotten a lot better. A part of me keeps on remembering the painful memories of living with Madeline and Sam...and I wouldn't have been nearly as broke as I am now if they didn't steal my college money....Like I'm really broke...And I'm paying my bills, plus pretty much most of the utilities...just so my parents can save up and pay me back my $4000.....And the worst part is, I hate asking for money from them. It sucks.
I think another part of my sadness is because of Brigette. Brigette has her moments, but she might have to serve some time coz federal is taking up her case....I'm just really scared for her...
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear John Letter
As much as I would like to acknowledge the fact that we're still friends,
I realize that you're right, that things can never be the same again.
I've been thinking a lot...about what happened...and I realize that its a continuous chain of disappointment for me...With every man I've come across....A Buddhist monk once told me that if I only walked on sunny days, I would never reach my destination. And I know if I don't confront this situation in some way, even when I know you will never read this, I'll always have situations like this happen to me.
You were one of those people who turned my mind on. I was so in tune to you. I believed you were in tune to me. And I'm not mad about what you had ultimately wanted...i'm more mad at myself for letting this same situation happen to me over and over and over again. And because of that, its hard to even think about dating another person. I believe I am over you...although the idea of you still resonates in my mind. I'm too scared that it might happen once more. How could I prevent it???
And I'm not even sure where our friendship stands. I believe you and I are in good standing too. But seriously, how often do we run into each other? How often do we call each other? IMing is even becoming more dry. I wish things could have been like before...but lets face reality. I'm still thinking about what happened...and you're still sorry that things happened that way.
I still feel bad for lying to you...by telling you I've forgotten all about it and that its silly for you to still feel bad for it. But you shouldn't feel bad about it though...and thats the truth....Its just that I haven't forgotten yet. I wish I could.
I've been through far too much. With family, friends, and guys. I don't really feel as though I'm capable of being an object of affection...in any scenario. All I can depend on is myself.
And I wish someone could show me that I'm wrong, but I still have yet to come across such a person.
I'm over you...I'm just not over the idea of you....