woa is me...

[xbroknxxxwngsx]

so i realized that im pretty much shit. at least, thats what i feel like i am to everyone else. sorta... i was talking to my friend and i was telling her how i bought kye shoes today. she thought i was crazy. told hre about the watch i bought him. yea even more crazy. and i was jsut thinking about last night and how he was. it pissed me off. we had nothing to do, we were at a show. it was kinda boring but i was fine cuz at least i wasnt at home. it didnt really bother me that the bands sucked. it was jsut nice to be out. well he hated it. he didnt want to be there. he didnt want to stay inside and just be there not at home. he kept telling me to go outside. i didnt want to. it was fuckin cold. and what were we gonna do? nothing. just stand there outside not being inside. i had jsut got my garlice bread that he knew i ordered and he started calling me and he told me to go outside. so i went over there to see what he wanted. "im going to the movies."-kyle.... and wtf am i supposed to say to that? so i said this "why? with who?!" and then he said "with tony and sigel and them.i dont wanna stay here." so then i said "wtf so youre ditching me again? what am i supposed to do? just stay here and be like well yea my bf was bored he left... you know now im alone." and then i wasl ike fuck that so i got my shit and walked out. and then i got around the corner and he called me and asked where i was and i said around the corner and he told me to come back so i did. and then i think he may have asked where i was going and i said i didnt know i was just leaving. but im not sure. anyways hes all well did you wanna come? and i was like dude i dont have any money anymore! remember i got food? i have about 5 bux now. and a movie is 10. and he just stood there looking at me like mad that i was mad as if i had no reason to be mad. and somewhere in there he started yelling at me that i didnt let him finish and he wasnt just gonna leave me he wanted to know if i wanted to know as if it was like both our descision. and he was like well tony asked if we wanted to go. and i was just like then say that! but do be all oh yea im going to the movies cuz im bored and dont wanna be there. like hello wtf? whos that fuckin retarded... sorry but gah use your brain! thats what its there for... instead of saying htat he should have been like hey tony want to know if we wanna go w/ them blah blah. does anyone else think im right on this? cuz fuck let me know if what he said was ok cuz i dont see it. i mean he was an ass when he said it and he made me feel like hed rather be somewhere else w/o me cuz im boring. maybe i am, but dont be a dick. and then at the movies and shit, he was hungry and he didnt have al ot of money he could only spend like 2 buxs on food so he got all pissy when i told him he could have 2 dollars. and do you know why he got mad? he doesnt like jack in the box food and what he wants he doesnt have enough for. he was fine w/ $2 and then he gets $4 and suddenly he doesnt have enough for anything? so i wasl ike ok well ill get a sandwhich its 99cents. and he yelled at me for not getting hwat i said i was gonna get in the first place. and i wasl ike hello im trying to give you more money cuz i know you hate jack in the box so stop bitching cuz im giving you more money to get what you want! and then he wasl ike no fine im just not eating. hes a fuckin baby. like grow up seriously. he throws a fit when something doesnt go perfectly his way. his parents spoiled him when he was little and i hate them for it. and then everything is fine. we eat and he like trys to be cute/funny so im not as mad. and then everythings fine cuz i let it go. but i hate it. like wtf. i dont hate him. i dunno how i dont hate him. then again everyone loves him and if you know him youll have to agree. doesnt matter what the fuck he does, you cant not love him. and it pisses me off cuz so many people should hate him and they dont. and i dont understand it. and i hate not understanding. it frustrates the hell outta me.

ah yea point of my story, everyone makes me feel like shit mostly him and yet i dont stop it. people tell me to break up w/ him but thats stupid. it doesnt make any sense to me. yet sometimes i just wish i could beat the living crap outta him. until hes seconds from death and then i jsut walk away. and i dont fuckin hate him! i dont get it. usually i get sick of people and im like ah enough get away from me. but it doesnt matter how much of a fuck head he is, i stay. and i think its cuz i dont want to be alone. i cant be alone. ill kill myself. but i feel alone anyways b/c he so does not even tell me naything. he forgets everything and i dont know half the shit tht goes on w/ him.

why am i so obsessive? i hate it. i need to just chillax. never gonna happen. i have ocd. fuckin sucks. you know im constantly thinking baout him. everything i think of has something to do w/ him. always there. allwlwayyyssss. and its not that i want him to go away, i just want to be normal. im fuckin crazy. i hate being me. maybe im just a genious? nah... woulda been nice though. woulda had an excuse. fuck me! im so fuckin grrrrrrrrrrrrr. i dont even know what to do. hm yea know what would make me better? hugs... from him. he causes it and is the only one who can fix it. if i was just laying in bed w/ him again being hugged id be fine. cuz im not alone. and hes there. shoot me. i fuckin hate myself. wtf? i dont even know anymore. now im jsut tlaking. someone text me and tell me im not crazy. i need it. please. or next time you see me just pop up from behind and hug me. suprise ones are the funnest.

thankyou to whoever read this whole thing. and im sorry you had to... <3